The haze began to thicken even more, as she found herself standing in the hallway of King High, Spencer and Madison walking past her, Spencer’s shoulder brushing her bare skin, neither girl looking back, their mouths pinched shut, eyes straight ahead. Ashley stared back at Spencer’s beautiful blonde hair, bouncing against her back as she and Madison turned the corner and disappeared. Ashley glared at the brick wall next to the lockers, her books slipping from her fingers, weakened from the silent stab to her chest, the knife glistening against the flickering fluorescent light that resided above her head.

Her reflection within the knife’s blade began to enhance, as she stared back at herself in her bedroom mirror, her aunt pounding on the door, begging for her to come out, to not remain isolated and alone, that her mother’s death was an accident, that her father was looking on in spirit, and had loved her more than words could express.

Words, all just fucking words, like those things in her notebook, twisted, melted memories that were no longer existing within their original form. She had no idea what had happened in her life, no documentation to reflect upon, no answers numbered in the back of the book. Her life was a watercolor mural painting that had been doused with water, the colors dripping towards the floor, mixing together, blues and yellows turning to red, green and blues becoming darker grays, until all the colors rested in a puddle on the floor, the white, blank canvas staring back at her.

She glanced up at Spencer, her hands shaking, her lower lip trembling. The heat within her chest was stabbing her, melting her insides as they bubbled and turned to goop, sliding down towards her feet.

All that remained was the hatred, the steaming moisture of betrayal and loneliness that she had endured for her entire existence. It was all heavier than the rest, cement blocks careening to the bottom of the lake, as love and contentment floated up at the surface, miles from her reach. Ashley’s eyes darted about, imagining herself in the lake, needing desperately to get to the surface to find the love, the happiness; but the block was too heavy, and it was dragging her down, faster and faster into the abyss.