‘Tee?’ said Bette, from the doorway.

‘Oh, hey!’

Bette jerked her head, inviting her wife to step outside. When she appeared, she was smiling, and for a split second all Bette’s ire dissolved. All she wanted to do was hold her, kiss her, take her hand and walk away from all this. 

But instead she said, ‘Where is it?’

‘Where’s what?’

‘Your earpiece. Your phone.’

‘Oh. Um, it’s . . . Adunno. Why?’

‘Karolina sent you a ticket ten minutes ago.’

‘Oh, fuck! Shit!’ Tina held her hands out, momentarily paralysed by panic. ‘You got it? What does it say?’

‘Where’s your zapper?’

‘I don’t know, just tell me what she wants.’

‘That won’t solve anything. And why isn’t Kurt picking up either? Are you all in some sort of fucking Bermuda Triangle of insubordination?’

‘Give me the ticket.’

‘No.’

‘Give me it!’ 

Bette sighed, found the ticket and read it to Tina, who rushed back into the hydroponicum. 

‘Find your tech and keep it on you!’ Bette yelled after her, then strode away, fuming at her wife’s stubbornness, or scattiness, or whatever the fuck—

‘Arrr, there ye be, Cap’n!’

No mistaking who that was. Bette swivelled round, looking for Alice out of her good eye, and found her scurrying up the slope with her phone in hand.

‘Not now, Alice . . .’

‘Oh, nice to see you, too.’

‘What is it?’

‘Eyepatch news. It’s held up in Yuma.’

‘What? Why?’

‘How should I know? Fucking FedEx motherfuckers, they sent a fucking—’

‘Alice!’

‘Okay, okay! Headlines are FedEx are fulla shit and me and Shane are going into the Old Town to get you another one.’

‘What, today? Like, now?’ 

‘Yep. Don’t worry, Porter! We’re on it!’

***

Alice and Shane may have been on it, but the Old Town didn’t get the memo. A few hours later, as Tina, Angie, Shane and Joan Didion watched, Alice took an eyepatch out of her bag and offered it to Bette. Her response was not good.

‘What the fuck is that?’ 

The patch was covered in some sort of ribbed, grey polyester. Its elastic strap was slack and heavily creased from the packaging.

‘I think it looks nice,’ said Tina.

‘Are you mental?’ said Bette.

‘It was that or plastic,’ said Shane, exhaling a puff. ‘Like, literally from a novelty store.’