“Don’t feel like talking today Bette?”

“Not really”

“Ok….would you like to share your journal?”

“Not really”

“Alright”

            And that was all the talking they did that session. Bette had a very hard week, still unable to be fully honest with Tina about her anger problem, which she hid extremely well. She fed on her Therapist’s words from the last session. Just to hear someone, to have someone force her to hear those words and to accept it. It got under Bette’s skin and made her feel exposed but in the process exposed herself TO herself a little more. She felt she knew herself more as a result. Her therapist wasn’t making a love revelation…..Bette respected her for the risky…but hopefully honest talk. Bette was impressed that her therapist was so forceful. Right now Bette didn’t want to blow up at her, she was lethargic also though…she was just tired. But everything was going so FUCKING well…except that thing nagging at her….this devil on her shoulder making her want to rip a table up or throw someone off a cliff.

“I just feel scared I guess that I’ll just get angry you know I don’t know”

“Do you feel angry right now?”

“I always do…every little thing makes me want to tear my hair out”

“Do you remem-”

“Yea I remember what you said, it’s easy to hear it but hard to execute I guess”

“Do you have any ideas how to?”

“No…I’ll figure it out”

            And Bette didn’t say anything else. She stared at the clock. Tina was waiting in the lobby. Bette felt ashamed that she was still going to therapy, it was good for her she knew….after everything. But it was so…..hard. Physically she was fine, her relationship seemed to be on smooth ground…work was good…but Bette was still hiding fundamental parts of herself from Tina. Bette felt like she was doing that for Tina’s sake. So she walked out of the session and in the hall decided not to lie to anyone anymore. She didn’t feel like smiling so didn’t, waited for Tina to collect her stuff and out they went. She made small talk in the car, and helped carry the groceries in. The warm breeze even cheered her up some. She was actually feeling ok when they got into the house. Bette felt happy that she had a home, a partner, a job, a life…..even though deep inside she couldn’t forget that she took one too. She knew it wasn’t her fault. Accepted that…but now all those feelings were replaced with a horrible rage. At everything…she didn’t really know where it came from. She just felt like she had been sedate too long, weak too long…angry at circumstance, whatever. Bette took off her shoes, and then there was a ring. Tina answered it…Bette was going to go take a piss when Tina called out to her…it was Bette’s sister Kit. Tina whispered that Kit sounded ‘out of it’. Bette held her breath and said “hello”. It was Kit alright, but she hardly understood a word. She was obviously high…she wanted Bette to come and bail her out of jail. Apparently she was now in L.A. Bette said she would, put down the receiver…and then to the horror of Tina she picked up a plate on the table and threw it across the room, it hit the window and crashed right through.

TBC (Chapter 39: Kit comes to stay with TiBette, putting a strain on their relationship…but a little girl helps brighten Bette’s life for awhile)