‘Im sorry Bette…must be my own fear. You know me better than anyone, how could you not? You have touched me…’

            Bette stared at the text message. It was so true, what a way to put names to feelings. You have touched…Tina has touched her also, deeply and truly. Bette never thought of it like that. With Pax, it was what she wanted. She yearned for him to truly touch her being, and he didn’t. He did not allow Bette to touch him either, it was like they were fishes out of the water…needing to be able to touch someone to feel themselves. Bette always thought it was  weakness to feel that way, she had always thought that. To feel a need to be understood and felt not through words, but through something deeper. With Tina, she was touched when Tina looked at her, touched, her, spoke to her. That is why all this shit happened…that is why it all came down to this. They can’t communicate THAT well because of this lack of acknowledgement. Why didn’t Bette think of it before? Goddamit, this love business was tricky. Dealing with human emotions was tricky. Bette wanted to drop everything and serenade her T. But of course that pride came creeping in, why should SHE come crawling back to Tina. Tina should come to HER, at least to say what she thought in person, what they both thought. Bette decided this, if Tina came to her than by God Bette would be her slave hand and foot. Not her slave per say, but hers only hers and forever hers. Bette wanted to take care of Tina, to make love to her, make her feel pleasure and protect her. It was such an overwhelming feeling. But the subtle cruelties lovers play against each other got in the way. What a game, what a fallacy. Bette didn’t like human nature much.

            She went to work that day. Bette wasn’t about to let her emotions get in the way of working, that was just her nature. Workaholic, as much as she could she separated work and her personal life. That was something she believed but didn’t usually practiced. In fact a lot Bette’s ideology was bullshit, she was more talk than action. But no one could deny that she did her job well, usually did what she said she would do, and held her own convictions. Tina recognized right away that communication was not going to be easy because of this. Her own nature was complicated, she had a problem with ‘confrontation’ and would rather not talk about difficult things. But sending Bette that text, that was the most honest thing both of them did so far. Tina was glad Bette gave her an extra key.

            Bette got out of her vehicle, tired from work, her shoulders knotty and sore. She looked up at her skyscraper of a building…thank god for elevators. Bette pushed the button and leaned against the railing…feeling her chest rise all the way up o her throat and plummet again. Feeling a little queasy she stepped out and fumbled with her keys, put it in the lock and turned. Her door was open…Bette immediately felt her hackles rise…then heard Tina whistling. What the fuck? Bette dropped her bags, closed the door, and stepped into the light of the kitchen. Tina was cooking..Whistling and smiling..good mood, Bette was about to say bitchily..”How the hell did you get in here?” Than remembered the key…and the assurance that it was alright that Tina could come in. Well Bette felt herself soften, and melt when Tina turned around…”Hey Bette, I though you would want something nice for you after work”. Bette felt herself melt into a puddle. She opened her mouth and with the wooden spoon Tina let her taste the sauce. Their eyes met and Bette thought…’She’s in my space…how I love her in my space…”

TBC