<McCutcheon> Hey T! we’re having a huge conversation again, wanna join?

<TK> Maybe later

<McCutcheon> Gary’s really cool, if I were into guys… but are u alright?

Ouch. I know Gary’s cool. I know what a wonderful guy he is… fuck you, Shane! You make me doubt it all over again.

<TK> Not really. Promise me u’ll keep this a secret

<McCutcheon> Sure, always

<TK> I had a fight w/ my mom again yesterday and Bette came and get me

<McCutcheon> w8, bette has a car?

<TK> No, she came by bike

<McCutcheon> So cute *smile*

<TK> I know. So anyway, I went over to her place, and she kinda gave me this massage and I got real hot and bothered and we ended up having sex.

It was a while before Shane answered, as if she had to process this.

<McCutcheon> Was it any good?

<TK> It was amazing. It was fucking amazing.

<McCutcheon> Good 4 u, took u guys so long! But… what’s the problem?

<TK> Gary. I told her I didn’t know if I could do this & that I had to figure stuff out.

<McCutcheon> U didn’t!

<TK> Yeah, well, I know I’m a stupid cow, I just… I don’t know, y’know? and what if it isn’t really what Bette wants? I mean, I said I wanted to sleep naked n stuff

<McCutcheon> Wow, u did? Nice *grin*

I can’t help but laugh.

<TK> get ur mind out of the gutter, McCutcheon. We’re having a serious talk here.

<McCutcheon> Alright, alright, so I gather she’s pissed?

<TK> She doesn’t wanna see me until I figured it all out

<McCutcheon> Can’t blame her

<TK> But u know, what if it’s a mistake, I mean, what if I kinda forced her?

<McCutcheon> u know u cant force bette into anything & just because a girl sleeps naked next to u doesn’t mean u have to have sex w/ her.

<TK> I know, but still, what if she… I don’t know, if I’m not what she really wants?

<McCutcheon> For fuck’s sake, Tina, that girl adores the ground you walk on!

<TK> What u mean? U havent seen us together

<McCutcheon> I’m not blind, she’s fucking fond of u from the start! U don’t think she really was in love w/ Carmen?

<TK> Carmen was in love w/ u

<McCutcheon> & Bette w/ u

<TK> What can I do?

<McCutcheon> Right now, nothing. Try to do somth else and figure ur shit out so u can go and claim ur woman, okay?

<TK> I guess.

I sigh and lean my head in my hands. Why do stuff have to become this complicated? Do I want a straight life with a husband and kids, but always having to live with the thought of the chance I missed? Of the shot I had and let go? Or do I want to live a happy life with Bette that maybe isn’t approved by everyone, but makes us happy?

A window pops up; I look and see it’s Gary.

<G Wilson> hi! Long time

<TK> Hi

I answer him reluctantly. I don’t wanna talk to him and feel all guilty, I have to do the right thing.

<G Wilson> listen, I don’t have much time. Just wanted to let u know we have a small gig in this club called The Planet.

<TK> That’s great!

<G Wilson> we’re gonna run over the songs tomorrow & bette told me she wrote a new one. Have to go now, bye *kiss*

<TK> Sounds great! Bye

I don’t send him a kiss. A plan is forming in my head and I’m totally focused on it. I am gonna make Bette clear what I want in a not so usual way. It’ll hurt Gary, unless I talk to him first. We’ll see about that.