My heart skips a beat. I look at the others, expecting they’ll protest. But they don’t. They shrug and say it’s okay.

I’m sitting next to Carmen, like I have since we are together, but I find myself looking at Tina and Gary all the time. I see how Tina laughs and blushes and makes me sick. I have no idea why, but it just… it makes me feel something I shouldn’t feel. 

I can’t eat anything and Carmen asks me if she can have it. I shrug and tell her it’s okay. After lunch, I get up and say I need to go to the bathroom.

I go there and when I’ve closed the cabinet, I shout it out: “Fuck!”

It feels really good and I do it again. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I kick the door of the cabinet in anger of which I don’t know the origin.

I get out and to my horror, I see Tina standing, looking at me with frowned eyebrows. Her facial expressions turns to surprise when she sees me.

“Bette? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say. Both of us know that is a lie.

“Than why are you shouting like that?”

“Because I feel like it. Had a good time with Gary?” I have to hold myself from spitting his name out.

“Yeah, I had. Did you know he’s forming a band?”

“Yeah, he told me that the other night. You know, when you were too drunk to stand on your feet and hanged on him all evening.”

“Woah-where did that come from?” She looks surprised at my reaction. 

“Doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Jesus, Bette, what’s wrong with you today?”

It must be weird for her. I’m always very shy and now I’m practically snapping at her.

“Nothing’s wrong. So what about his band? He’s searching for a singer and a guitar player and he asked if you didn’t want to sing and Shane couldn’t play the guitar?”

“First of all, Bette, I don’t know what has gotten into you. Yes, he asked me to sing. But Shane would never play in a band – everyone knows that.”

“Yeah, well, sorry I don’t know anything about anyone in here. Maybe I should ask my dad if he can’t cheat on Kirsten so she throws him out and we can move again, for the millionth time in my life. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“What the hell, Bette? Why are you talking to me like that? I don’t even know you that well!”

“Oh, well, lucky you.”

I can’t explain my anger or my sarcasm, I don’t know where it comes from but just the thought of her and Gary makes me puke.

I slam the door of the toilet and get back to my friends. I’m not calmed down when I reach them, but I can hide it. A bit later, I see Tina coming back as well. She ignores me when she passes our table.

Way to go, Bette Porter. Go and have fights with your friends you don’t even know for two weeks.