It drives me crazy, but every time I see her it becomes more clear. The feelings become so undeniable, but I have to get rid of them. She is straight, she’s with Gary, and even if she weren’t she wouldn’t want me.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” she says softly. To my amazement, she looks disappointed. Did she expect me to say – No, of course not! Straight, Gary Wilson, Wilson Gary, Heterosexual

“So, do you want to talk about what happened?”

She nods and tells me everything about her mother. She not only tells me what happened when she came home, but she gets all frustrations from months ahead out. I go over to her and hold her as the tears flow over her cheeks. Her scent fills my nose and I feel the muscles in my stomach contract.

“She’s just… it’s sometimes… sometimes it’s so impossible to live with her, and Ken can do whatever the fuck he wants and she won’t say anything.” She sobs all the time and I want to take her pain so badly. “I just want to be a good daughter,” she says in a tiny voice, like she is a little kid.

“It’s okay,” I hush her. “It’ll get better. Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

“She won’t let me. It’s a school day tomorrow, and what would your dad and Kirsten say?”

“I can call your mom and come up with something. My dad and Kirsten are glad I’m making friends, and a school day… we take the same bus anyway.”

“I told her you were having problems with homework. And my books are at home…”

“Let me take care of it, okay? What books are at your place?”

She’s still sobbing. “Maths and French.”

“Okay, you can borrow some of my pens. Do you have Maths and French tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait a second. Could you give me your moms number?”

“Sure. Just a second.”

I hand her a pen and a piece of paper and she jots a number down. I go downstairs and dial it.

“Hello, Ms Kennard? This is Bette Porter. Yes, good, thank you. Look, Tina is here helping me with my homework and it’s going to take a while. I am home alone anyway, and I’d like some company. Yes, I know it’s a school night, but we’re taking the same bus and I promise I’ll take care of her. No. Yes. I could come and get her books or something. No. Yes. Of course we would go to bed at a proper time, I don’t want to oversleep and be late for school. Yes. I’ll be right there. Really? Thank you so much!”

I run upstairs, shouting: “Tina! You can stay!” I enter my bedroom and she is lying on my bed, crying. I go over to her and stroke her back. “Shh, its okay. Let me get your stuff.”

She looks up at me and those eyes startle me again. “Thanks so much. You’re the greatest friend.” I try to manage a smile and try to ban the wish to be more than that.

I get on my bike and race towards her house. I can’t help it, but my heart sings.