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A Life I Never Meant Chapter Twenty Nine
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“I’m going back to your house now.” says Alice, returning to the calmness of before.
“But Alice…”
“I’ve already said too much.” she replies, turning to leave.
“Or not enough.” I mutter to an empty room.
I walk back into the kitchen to find Carmen standing there, waiting for me. She looks shocked so I presume that she has just heard everything that Alice and I have just said.”
“I’m sorry, I came in, and…I didn’t want to interrupt.” she says, looking awkward.
“It’s fine.”
“She’s having a hard time with it all.”
“She’s angry but I don’t think she knows where to direct that anger. I get glimpses of it and then she calms down. That’s twice today already that we’ve been close to getting into a fight.”
“So what do you do?”
“Try not to take it personally. Accept that for her, it’s part of how she’s choosing to get by.”
“But the things that she said.” replies Carmen, thinking that they must have hurt me.
“She’s right though. It’s hard to argue with someone when you know that what they’re saying is the truth. Imagine what that time was like for Alice, she goes through six months of trying to let Dana go, and then just to face up to the idea that actually there’s no choice in the matter. She’ll have to live without her.”
“She made it through though.”
“Yeah, and she’s moving back to LA to help me get through it.”
“Alice is moving back?” asks Carmen, genuinely surprised.
“Yeah, and it’ll be so good to have her back. She may drive me crazy at times but she’s my oldest friend and, well, as much as I hate to admit it, I need her right now.”
“That’s great, I’m really happy for you.”
“It makes me feel a little less alone.” I say, looking down, embarrassed to admit how lonely I’ve been.
“I think that she’s going to need you too.”
“Have you seen everything that you need to see? Is there anything that you want to take away with you?”
“What will happen to the house?”
“I guess it will be sold. I don’t really know the details of what’s going to happen. All I know is that it will be so difficult not to have Shane living so close to me, and have someone else move in here. I’ll always think of it as Shane’s house now.”
“I don’t think that there is anything that I want. I think that I just needed to come here so that I could say goodbye. Just the two of us.”
“I need to check on Alice, make sure that she’s OK. Do you want to come next door for coffee?”
“No, I think that the two of you have things to talk about. I should leave you to it.”
“I know this sounds morbid, but I’m picking up the ashes tomorrow. We need to decide where Shane would want them to be scattered.”
“I need to think about that.” she says, a flash of pain coursing across her face.
“I want to do it soon. I can hardly bare the thought of…I need it to be over so that I can start to move on.”
“I’ll call you, let me think about it, but if you feel you need to do it quick then I’ll come with you. Once we’ve decided.”
“Thanks.” I reply, grateful that Carmen understands my need for an ending to this.
We both start to walk towards the door, and as I lock it behind me I let out a deep sigh. I don’t know when this is ever going to end, but I know that I need it to happen before too long. As we get to Carmen’s car she turns and gives me a quick hug. I look at her and wonder how I can feel so close to someone that I haven’t seen for so long. I guess a shared experience has brought us closer that we ever thought possible.
I wait until her car is out of sight and make the short walk to my house. I think about Alice and how she’s going to be when I get inside. Maybe I was kidding myself that she was doing fine, maybe I wanted her to be fine so that I didn’t have to take care of her, as well as myself. I know now that she’s not and vow to make things better for her. I just don’t know how to do that yet.
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I´m Fisrt! What can I say….Amazing writing, it´s breaking my Tibette heart, but it´s a great history, so, I´ll keep reading. Anything can happen in the end. I´m bitting my nails, sitting and the edge of my seat, waiting, waitng and waiting. A loyal fan and humble reader.
absolutely fabulous writing, but pls oh pls shoot me and take me out of this misery….
I really can’t say much except I’m still not over Shane being gone.
me thinks that maybe you’re gonna hook Al and Bette up again….r u?????
I saw your post and debated whether or not to read, because it seems the steady diet of poo sandwiches is all Bette will ever get. However(!) good writing is always thought provoking and at times controversial, so I would say you’ve been successful! Thanks for writing and entertaining us with this story.
This chapter was really good. I think it will actually help Bette to help Alice. Maybe she can get Tina in on it as well since Tina should return the favor and provide some help for Alice.
GET TINA N BET BACK TOGETHER PLEASE LET THEM TALK AND SEE THAT THEY STILL BELONG TOGETHER
I think Alice should buy Shane’s house! Bette should tell Tina that she still wants her and won’t give up till she has her, NY is a big place – Ally will find a nive girl to fall in love with!! A girl can dream right….?
This story is so emotional it drains me…only because you are breaking my heart here. i had a feeling Alice was gonna move back. I can’t see her and Bette together again romantically, I see them as only friends…good friends. You know you can’t end this story without Bette finding love…she needs it…she deserves it.
I can read this story now that I know Tina has chose Ally. For awhile in was painful to read it because every so often you would make us believe that Bette and Tina had a chance to be together. Please write a sequel about Bette finding love.[PLEASE NOT WITH ALICE]
Theres still time for Bette to fight for Tina…
SO sad that young happy in-love days have turned into 3 deaths (I include the death of Tibette)…only way out is up!!!!
A sad chapter for Alice and Carmen, I felt so sorry for them… …and, Bette! Fight for Tina and win her back. You always have the priority.
I am fighting the urge to just fall down crying my eyes out. My TiBette heart is broken, I just know that you will not let them be together. I suppose we can’t have everything we want. You have done a superb job with this story even if our girls will be apart.
CityGirl…..excellent writing but it’s breaking my TiBette heart. Now, Alice provides the cushion for Bette when she falls. How convenient. Jobadge is right…NYC is a huge place…..8,000,000 people. Tina can find someone else. But I don’t think you want to end it in a happy place for us TiBetters, eh?? I can see the ending….with the sun shining on her face, Bette realizes w/Alice they can both recover and start anew. Ugh!!! I’m having a love-hate relationship. I love your story and writing but hate where I think it is directed.
You know, Ms. Girl, I never thought of myself as a masochist, but you keep hurting me and I keep coming back for more. You hurt me so good.
Is it possible to start a fanfic petition for this story? *Shyly* Can I ask a favor Citygirl? If for some reason you break Bette’s heart and stomp on it, and allow the dogs to feast on it’s carcus, and then the bones dry up and wither away…can you write an alternate ending full of sunshine a.k.a Bette and Tina together? Can ya Citygirl..huh? huh?
Bette should Fight for Tina! It is never too late for love.
Jesus…it never seems to end for Bette. This story just gets me all riled up! Thanks.
i just don’t know what to say, i’m preparing for a huge heart break in the next chapter because it would be B&T talk probably…as much as i like alice moving back, i don’t see bette hooking up with her, or with carmen…is it stupid for me to hope that things will change for B&T in the last few chapters? *sigh* i’m going to buy loads of vodka and xanax
Good chapter! Enjoyed it!No Tina in this chapter..makes me sad. When are B&T going to talk?
Please please please please make Bette Fight for Tina tell her that she Loves her & needs her, great chapter
Quoting Carmen : “if she loved me that much why did we just live the last five years apart from each other” ? Sounds familiar to Bette, I think… *** Oh god, I’m following Skycaptain here : this story of yours drains me until a total emotional exhaustion and deeply breaks my heart too… What an unspeakable feeling of melancholy and sadness through each of your sentences, that’s almost unbearable to read, especially when I cannot help but thinking about how deeply personal this story seems to mean for you too. Of course I wouldn’t dare to ask you if I’m right, but that’s something I can feel between the lines. But perhaps it’s only my empathy’s effect, as so much depressive people can testify… *** I also share with Onthebrink this fear to read any new chapter of your incredibly moving story : each time I’m balancing between blind hope and cruel lucidity, wondering if I could really take more about my poor lonely Bette but at the same time feeling unable to let down such a beautifully written story… Your undeniable talent is your best – and only ? – excuse to break so much hearts here and to let so much tears go down… And, well, to wake up reading this more than ever trying update of yours isn’t the best idea I had ! Mourning, regrets, bitterness, renunciation, pain, lost love, life and death, time’s run… god, god, I’m feeling so emotional right now, it hurts a lot – and I mean it. I’d like to dare to beg you but all I can really do as a reader is to hope and dream again and again. I need it to find force to read you again. I need to hope for the happy end I’m craving for – and I don’t care to display all my Tibetter’s vulnerability here. I’m happy to know Alice will stay near Bette – and I fully agree Jobadge’s suggestion about Shane’s house – but, but, but even the best friend in the world cannot replace a lost love and our Bette has so much love to give and need so much to receive in return. Renunciation isn’t the answer, Bette, please fights for your T, make her realize how much she’d lose in her future life without someone as unique as you ! Oh, I truly cannot believe that this so endearing and hartbrealing story’s conclusion will give renounciation and so-called reasonable choices as life models to follow. Alice and Carmen already lost their soulmates, but death is fate and B&T are still alive, for god’s sake ! Bette alone and Tina choicing security through a “reasonable love”, that’s a finale I simply cannot face. Sorry for being such a selfish and incurably romantic reader, dear talented author, but that’s how deep your story touches me – for much more personal reasons that you could guess. Well, I’ll be there next time, with the so needed support of a handkerchief and a tablet of Xanax – and I’m serious. I wish you a nice weekend !
great update.. one chapter that does not show tina grieving then running to ally.. i really don’t care abt her much.. i just want bette to be happy..
I loved this chapter, with its emphasis on real, viable relationship. Alice and Bette have an enduring connection. Their scenes together propel the story forward. Their dialogue parses problems and sets the stage for a hopeful future. Thanks!
I am with JoBadge on this one…..
Such amazing writing, but so sad….one day I would really love for you to write a happy, in love B&T story :o)) I hope you will think about it!!!! And I hope that Bette will fight for Tina, so she at least has tried…..
Great chapter, City! Bette still has a choice, she can fight for T! :)