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A Lifetime – c 9
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“Does she want to show physical intimacy when you are not in gay circles?” Val asked curiously.
“Well, no.”
“Look, I have to side with Bette on this,” Val said firmly. “You’ve been together for a few years. You are in a committed relationship. Your colleagues at work should be told.”
“I’m not suggesting,” Val continued, “that Bette show up at your office every day for a ‘nooner,’ but they should know at Alphaville.”
Tina grinned at the thought of a ‘nooner’ at her office.
“It’s not fair to either of you to keep this a secret. In the firm where I work I became much more relaxed when everyone knew. You’ll be more relaxed, too.”
“Weren’t some people put off by this?”
“Actually, most weren’t or maybe they hid it. A few were uncomfortable around me for a while, but eventually seemed to lose that feeling of discomfort. It didn’t happen overnight, certainly.”
“Tina,” Val continued, “they already know you, like you, respect you. That’s going to make a big differencea positive difference.”
“I wish I could be more like Alice,” Tina said as she told the story of Alice’s application for a job at LA Magazine.
“I’m single and I sleep with both men and women,” Alice had told a surprised personnel officer.
“Well,” the woman had answered, not quite knowing how to respond to this bluntness.
“I just thought you should know,” continued Alice.
“OK, then. I guess both sexes will have to watch out for you,” smiled the woman who had recovered quickly from Alice’s announcement. It was Southern California after all.
Val grinned, “Somehow, I’m not surprised.” And she and Tina chuckled about the irrepressible Alice.
Tina then led the conversation around to why she didn’t seem to think about the problems of being in a gay relationship.
“I always wondered why you didn’t seem too concerned with that,” admitted Val when Tina mentioned Carolyn’s question.
“It seemed to me that being in a gay relationship would be something a straight girl would want to think aboutcarefully. I thought you would want to talk to me about that. But it didn’t seem to be that important to you.” Val was still surprised by that.
Tina was quiet, thinking about Val’s comments.
“All I wanted was her,” Tina said thoughtfully. “It was as though I had been waiting for her all my life. When I saw her, I knew it.”
This was the first time Tina had ever verbalized these thoughts. And by saying these things out loud, it helped her think clearly about them.
“That’s right. I knew I had been waiting my entire life to feel like that. And when I met Bette, I knew that was it.”
“But did you think it was a woman you were looking for?”
Tina was quiet for a long time. It had occurred to her that she had always watched movies and then had fantasized the story with changes that she liked. In a romantic story, she was always the man, taking care of the woman. She frowned as she recalled this. She was always the man, not because she wanted to be a man but because she wanted to be with the woman.
Then she chuckled because she didn’t always want to be a man. In Fried Green Tomatoes she was Mary Stuart Masterson because she wanted to be with Mary-Louise Parker.
“I think I always knew I wanted to be with a woman. I just didn’t realize ituntil now.” She said this as much to herself as to Val.
“I’ve thought for a long time, before I knew Bette, that I’d like to be with Mary-Louise Parker.”
“Well, who wouldn’t?” Val grinned.
Tina glanced at her watch. It was 7:30 and she wanted to get home in plenty of time before Bette arrived. “I need to leave. Thanks, Val.”
As she drove home, she thought about the surprising thing about herself she had just discovered. Maybe she hadn’t questioned her being with Bette very much because she had always known, deep down, that’s what she wanted.
Of course, this didn’t solve the problem of her closet at Alphaville, but, for some reason, she felt more comfortable.
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Pancha you always have such an interesting perspective on things. I’m glad Tina and Bette talked about their issues but now I’m looking forward to the discussion they have with one another.
Damn, you’re good.
Really good post p, your B&T putting more thought into analyzing their problems than IC ever would is interesting. I also happen to know some true snark about MLP, drop me a line….
lovely, as always. i also appreciated the Mary-Louise Parker bit. Just earlier today I downloaded the entire first season of Weeds. Thanks for your posts. I hope you won’t end the story too soon.
Oh, Pancha. Why can’t the show’s B&T be like your B&T? That scene in S3 Ep 9, with Bette on her cellphone talking to Angelica, simply made me cry. And I don’t watch that much TV, for f__k’s sakes. I’ve been lonely before. But for the first time in my life, I have SEEN how it is to be lonely. Crap! And mine is not EVEN a sheltered existence. It depresses me very much to think at where this season is heading. You’re my saving grace. Please keep on writing. As often as you can. Cheers!
Yeah, I think it’ll be much easier after the first move. Tina, just do it. I’d lend my motto to Tina: Take it easy, then it’ll be easy. lol
bETTE IS IN A WORLD THAT SHE DOENT HIDE ANYTHING. She feels like the whole world is her oyster and she is not ashame of being gay.She is honest. she expect everyone to be the same. thanks
well i’m still catching up… and i love this… i love how you got tina to think back to the days she wanted the girl in the movies… and i love how both of them talk to carolyn… as their adopted mom… i think everyone needs an adopted mom now and then… please continue
Really enjoyable update, can’t wait for more.
I love the way you analyze issues through the thoughts and dialogue of others. Good technique.Capper.. I’d love to hear snark about MLP, too.
Tina confronts a problem and analyzes her role in it? Bette turns to a compationate and experienced friend for help? My God, what are you trying to do? Have them solve a problem?
I’ve been catching up on all the FF I missed while in WeHo this past weekend and finally came around to this chapter. I’m glad we got to see why Tina never seemed to think about any and all repercussions of being with Bette. But how can people notice Tina’s ring and not think that it’s a symbol of a committed relationship? Tina must have some slow co-workers.
Best story yet about Tina dealing with her coming out issues – now let’s deliver those flowers shall we??
Thank god for your secondary characters! I love them so much because they provide such accurate mirrors for B&T, like the processing with Val that provided Tina insight into her true lesbian nature. My comments are less frequent because I am truly stultified by the goings on over on SHO. Where, oh where is the regard for lesbian love? Has the world gone mad?
I want to add: your Bette and Tina may be encountering difficulties in their relationship, but they never, never doubt their love for each other. That’s the love that Kit called ‘like god made you for each other.’ What happened to that?
I`m glad that Tina find out something that make clear a little her mind but i can`t wait to read the conversation between Bette and Tina about this. Thanks for this post is always nice read about the inconditional love, not like S3.
this is great stuff and well written as always. i was just day dreaming at work yesterday about coming out to them by strolling in with some hot blonde LH lookalike and introducing her as my partner — but sadly i woke up !!
Pancha..loved how both B & T went to Carolyn for some insight and help. Carolyn was great in the questions she asked and it only allowed them to see the other’s POV and really understand how they felt overall. Thanks for the update…please continue.
Damn this is good and let see Bette’s surprise for Tina. Post soon please, thanks!
you are sooooooooooooooooooo good..!u make me think as well. thx for the update.post soon!!
God poor Carolyn the responsibility of having both T&B knocking on your door for advice. Tough situation. I like the self evaluation both seem to have gone through. Once again you are so on the money. Thanks for the post
good dialogue. up next…NC!&?????? LOL!!!!!! And maybe after that, Tina will call Bette and tell her to drop by her office and someone will come into T’s office, and she’ll introduce Bette as “this is my wife Bette Porter.” Which will leave a completely shocked Bette staring back at her HOTT ASS TINA!!!!!!
It’s great that Tina is actually asking questions and trying to figure thing out. That can only be postive. I hope she doesn’t totally shut Bette out of the process or vice versa. Loved the reference to MLP. She makes me smile.
*Sigh* Pancha, what would I ever do without your writing? Please Fed-Ex this chapter to Ilene immediately so that she can see what character development and analysis is. Do we need to hold a writing intervention for Ilene and EZ? Pancha, please post soon and have Bette tell Tina in no uncertain terms that she means business when it comes to the acknowledgement of their realtionship. Woman up, Bette!
Pancha,I adore the way that both Val and Carolyn have sat back and allowed Bette and Tina the space to realize what they want from each other. Often in life you need a third party to help you reconcil your head with your heart. Carolyn and Val just let Bette and Tina say out loud what was in their hearts and with a little gentle pushing and pointing the right direction were able to show them the path of true love. Bring on the next chapter as I can’t wait to see what happens next. I am sure that Bette will be there to nurture and support Tina through this life changing time. Be true to yourdelf is a great mantra to live to. It is your talent and flair for writing that keeps me coming back to your brillant stories. Thank you for this gift. Yor Loyal Fan.
They should talk to eachother and friends NOT only friends…..more please…