A Moment of Truth

I truly invited her to the party as an attempt to ease my guilt for not doing so before when I invited the rest of the gang. I can remember my thoughts so clearly the day I called her office to extend the invitation.

Go on Tina just pick up the phone and call. You know she won’t attend but when ask you can say of course I invited her she just chose not to come. I was certain she would decline knowing how she felt about me and Henry. I knew it would all be too much for her and she would quickly have other plans.

True to form when I finally did work up the courage to call she politely rejected and I ended the call thinking to myself well there it is my answer when asked by the others why she would not be there to celebrate the occasion with me and Henry the whole reason behind throwing a party to introduce our friends.

Imagine my surprise that evening when she walked in looking as beautiful as ever. Bette could always turn heads where ever she went and you would think by now I would have been use to the Porter affect as Alice liked to call it. But when Brad, one of Henry’s best guy buds suddenly whipped his head around so fast it gave me whiplash and said who the fuck is that, with lust practically dripping from his voice. I watched as her confident walk and persona captivated everyone in the room upon entry and wanted to scream…she is mine, my wife, Bette, but I could not because it suddenly dawned on me, I had let her go.

The sense of satisfaction it gave me when I introduced Bette to some of the guests standing near me, including Brad as my ex wife, knowing he didn’t stand a chance in hell with her, gave some comfort to the sting I felt inside.

I don’t know if it was out of anger as soon as he heard the words fall from my lips because he knew he would never have a woman as beautiful as her but I had or if he was just mean spirited enough to try and humiliate Bette in front of Henry but what ever the reason when he started his debate about her sexuality I suddenly wished the floor would open up and swallow me.

To drive home his distain of homosexuality when his cutting question had not gotten the response he had hoped for he referenced future children. In that moment Bette looked at me as if to say this is the home you want to raise our child in? A home surrounded by people who will teach her to hate instead of embrace where she came from.

Glancing to my left I looked to Henry for his reaction after all Brad is his friend. His willingness to stand by and be strictly an observer was written on his face. Turning back to the scene I could see the anger and hurt in Bette’s eyes as they settled on me for just a second. As I heard the words, Bette don’t…come out of my mouth with no defense of this woman whom I had shared many wonderful years of my life with and had loved to the exclusion of all others. I looked down at the floor, to avoid the mirror at that moment being held up in front of my face. The cold hard truth is I stated loud and clear to everyone in the room but most especially to her…our life, our years together did mean nothing.

Her response to his cutting comment…how nice an honest homophobe, signaled the beginning explosion of her anger. Luckily help came from the most unexpected individual in the room. Angus used his wonderful sense of humor to quickly step in and not only defend her choices but defuse the situation as well.

As the evening progressed the glaring differences between the two worlds was never more obvious and when Bette left the house that night leaving me disgusted and angry with myself, I knew…I had only been fooling myself she had let me go.