Alice stares at Tasha waiting for her to continue.

“You know earlier when your cousin Karen was talking she——.”

“Tash no, Karen was drunk none of what she was saying was true.”

“They say a drunken mind speaks a sober truth, “Tasha says somberly. “That date meant everything to me I haven’t been that excited about anything in years but true to my form I managed to mess it up. I have no money, no phone, no job, can’t afford cable, and right now no truck. I bring nothing to the table and can’t provide with you with anything.” Tasha says slightly laughing, “I mean hell truthfully I wouldn’t want to be with somebody like me. I couldn’t even afford to catch a cab ride over here for a date. If that’s not pathetic I don’t know what the hell is.”

Alice knew that ever since she met Tasha she had always been a prideful and confident person. To see her basically admit in not so many words that she failed at life was heart wrenching.

“It’s hard to admit but I’m really insecure about a lot of things especially when it comes to you. When I’m around you I walk on egg shells and overthink things that I normally wouldn’t out of fear I’ll say or do the wrong things.” Tasha is looking in every direction except for in the direction that Alice is in. After ending her sentence there was a long pause of silence as she didn’t know what else to say. She wanted to tell her that she loved her and wanted to be with her but thought against it. Taking that as a cue to leave Tasha stands up.

When Tasha stood up Alice knew she was preparing to leave. Alice wanted to tell her that she wanted to make love to her to, lay in her arms, and that she was madly in love with her but she couldn’t. She was still scared. The fear of opening up her heart completely to Tasha only to be hurt again prevented her from jumping over her living room table and crashing her lips against hers. She knew Tasha was in love with her and she also knew that in some way she wasn’t being fair to her. She was sending her mixed signals. One minute she would let her guard down the next minute she was guarding it like her life depended on it. Given all of things Tasha had been through she was already insecure and Alice was just adding to them. The sad thing was Tasha had defended her love to her when in all actuality she had nothing to prove. She went to jail for her. If anyone had anything to prove it was Alice. She didn’t buy Tasha that truck as a gift she bought it for her as a way to soften her guilt. Tasha was ready and has always been ready to love her. It was Alice who wasn’t quite ready to walk back down that path again.