I was thinking when do I get to my life? I was thinking when I do get my chance? I was thinking how much of Helena’s body road map of scars and pain had to do with Carmen. I lost all reason. All my coolness and confidence seemed useless to help me so I reverted to the lost kid identity. It was all I was good at, at the time. When I moved to touch her she moved faster than I thought a person could move and had a knife on my throat before I even knew she reached under her pillow to get one.

“I guess that makes us even, yeah?”

“Oh god, I am sorry. I am not accustomed to waking with someone in my bed.”

“I see.”

“You slept well I take it?”

“Yeah.”

“She taught me this you know?”

“You mean Carmen?”

“Well yes silly who else would I be referencing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well yes your precious Carmen always preached about the inevitable fear of murder. One should always be ready to face their death head on. Her cryptic and rather gothic words. She loved her code. Priding herself as some kind of warrior in the real sense of the word.”

“Carmen?”

“Yes. She was very good at what she did. Have you ever seen her work?”

 “No.”

“Well you should have. She was rather marvelous at it. But better at other things.”

“You had sex with her didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

‘How did you meet?”

“Well we where in the same unit. I was just out of the academy.”

“You killed people with her?”

“That was our job. Protect and serve.”

“What changed?”

“I didn’t like what I did. I didn’t like not thinking for myself my mother was dying.”

“So over night you just lost the nerve?”

“No as I said my mother was dying and they wouldn’t let me leave.”

“You took off?”