I say nothing to her and I head to the infirmary. The lights are down low so she can rest without squinting. I pull the door of the garage down and make a mental note to fix the door that leads from the house to the garage so all the little warmth that is in here won’t leave every time someone walks in and out.

She turns her head violently when I walk in. She calms when she sees it’s me. I smile at her, just a small smile. She smiles back. Everything I have ever felt about her floods me to my eyeballs. She holds her hand out for me to come over. I do. I sit on the creaking metal fold out chair, her hand feels cold. She needs more blankets. I move to get up but she holds me in place.

“You…..look…..different.”

Her voice is so coarse like she has been screaming for a very long time. It makes me shudder.

“So do you.”

“Don’t make me laugh they went thru a lot to get these stitches to work.”

“Carm…..”

“No…..you are here and…..I am glad.”

“Sleep….ok…I will be outside nothing is going to happen to you…..I love you….”

“I love you.”

She falls asleep. I think, are you ok? I think did my brother do this? I think, I love you, love you, love you, love you, I think about the old poem: Thou are fair my love, there is no spot in thee….I hit the button and the door slides open. I get on my walkie and tell Hunter that the door needs to get fixed as soon as humanly possible. I get a "Roger that." And it makes that weird chirping sound. I set my gun down on the ground and pull my hat down over my ears and I don’t leave or sleep the whole night.

“This is so sad.”

A voice says this to me. I can smell coffee and the chill in the air is thing that is making my teeth chatter. I lift up my knit cap and I see the tall blonde slinky figure of Sámi. She is holding out her hand to help me to my feet. She shakes her head. And hands me the coffee. I drink it too fast and predictably burns the roof of my mouth. She slides the door open and walks inside. Carmen is already standing and stretching to our disbelief. That’s my Carmen tough and stupid.