Those words….and something else…….

“…I love you….”

“………”

“….I don’t know why I said that.”

“Its how you feel.”

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“………..I have to go…..”

“……….Is it because of her, the reason that you can’t tell me how you feel?”

“It’s because of her that I can’t say those words.”

“But do you feel them?”

Random moment over like closing your finger around a flame, snuffing it out. Why wouldn’t or rather why couldn’t I be happy and let her go? Why? Inside buried deep and far I knew I would see her again. I knew it. It was just a matter of living it out. It was just a matter of how and when.

A few days go by.

I stay out on all the patrols. To get my head clear. To not think about Carmen. To not think about how much this is tearing into Helena. I give the guys a break. I walk the perimeter. I walk the length of the whole town. I check the barricades. Everything in its place. All quiet. I know he’s out there. I know he’s listening. He’s near, waiting.

They tell me she is better. They moved her to my old room. They watch her like her a hawk just incase she is sending things back to him, my brother; (they have no idea that he is my brother.) I hear from the vines of grape that she doesn’t sleep either. That she sits by the window looking at the sky. She is healing faster than they figured but she jumps and gets a little edgy if you touch her. She has not left my room. She sleeps only when her body gives out. Jenny is the only person that she talks to when she does leave the room with an escort. The boss lady just goes about her routine. She is giving Carmen till the end of next week to tell her story. She asks about me.