Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2004 12:09:22 -0700
Subject: 971128
From: bette (bp@cac.com)

Tina, please T, wait, dont delete this yet. Let melet me say something to you.
I dont know if you have read my previous emails, just in case you have not, let me explain what am trying here.
I am trying T, am trying to put into words what I feel. You know me, god! How well you know me,… and because you do I can imagine how hurt you must feel. Is just because you know me that am trying to write you here. You know all my weakness, you know how difficult it is for me to ask for help, how much I like control and attention and how almost always I believe to be right. But I know it better now. Today I had my fifth therapy session. Yes, you are not dreaming. Im going to therapy, and am not doing it just because I know you wanted me to (well, that too) but because I know I have to do it for me. I have to get to know me to see who I truly am, to try to find what you saw in me the first time, what I have lost, and in who I have become. I need to know all that if I want to have you back in my life.

I already know what I have lost, Ive lost you, the only person who really got to know me. You have seen the worst of me and still you have been there. I dont know, am still trying to find out when all became so difficult. I want to know why I fooled myself, because I did T, I convinced myself that I didt want you in my life
Am sorry T, I hate to leave like this… but tears are just making tapping too difficult, I need to take a break. But I will continue, and if you not reading this, I will do it for me, and for you, because sorry T, need to go now”


Tina was shaking, she didnt want to opened the email on the first place but it was such a surprised that she did. What Bette wrote on the subject space made her to. She stared at the computer for a few minutes, tears were falling down her face. She moved and checked her inbox again, 15 emails from Bette were waiting for her to read them. She didnt want to but something inside made her opened randomly, another one.

Date: Mon 29 Apr 2004 21:11:27
Subject: wade in the water
From: bette
T, am listening to Eva Cassidy wade in the water and am crying like a baby. Am remembering the first time we listened to this song. It was so silly, so romantic. I know you didnt expect me to do what I did but it just felt so right. Do you remember baby? I was working at home, it was early and you arrived looking pale and tired. You had a ***** day and I, as always didnt know what Id do or tell to make you feel better. I was listening to that Cd that Kit gave you and then the song started. You were quiet, you kissed me and moved to the kitchen to set the table for dinner. I followed you like a puppy, not knowing what to do and then I listened to what the song was saying. I took your arm and turned you around. You looked so beautiful T, I can see your face right here, right now, as am writing you all this. I took you into my arms and we danced, slowly, feeling the music. It felt so well. I felt you relaxing in my arms, you hugging me tight. I can remember your soft face on my shoulder, the smell of your hair on my face. Its so real T. Its so scary “



Tina could feel Bettes arms around her. She remembered that night as it was yesterday. It was one of the most romantic and caring things Bette ever did for her. She loved her so much because of that, she was so grateful for that night.
She wanted to read more, it was painful but was making her feel alive again. She woke up and put a cd on the player, she wanted, needed to hear some of the songs she knew were there.
The first one was one step at the time by faithless&dido. It was a song she loved, it had so many memories. It was a joke between Better and her. She use to teased Bette with how hot Dido was, how sweet and ***** her voice was. How much shed love to at this point Bette always interrupted her with a passionate kiss. It was so easy to make her jealous. But also it was a lifting the mood kind of song. And with that she opened another email.




Date: Thr 1 Apr 2004 08:35:21
Subject: wade in the water
From: bette
T, am looking at the garden, sipping my morning coffee. Am late for work but since I cant give you my morning kiss am looking at your garden, thinking about you. I dont know whats with me and songs this days but all of them remind me of you. As I was taking a shower, just a few minutes ago I heard Frances Black all the lies you told me. You know how much I love that song but today, mg T see am crying againI want so much to try to make you realize how sorry I am am listening to the song again, just now.. I cant breathI need to make you believe meI need to kiss you goodbye, to kiss you hello…
Am going to write you the lyrics, just so you know what I mean

All the lies that you told me, all the tears that I’ve cried
All the loving you gave me, it was a lie
I could never imagine, when I felt so high
That there could be somebody new
Better than you in my life

When I woke up this morning, with tears in my eyes
I never felt more like saying goodbye
I could never imagine, when I felt so high
That there could be somebody new
Better than you in my life

Chorus
Am I just fooling myself?
Could there be somebody else?
Could there be somebody new, waiting around the corner?
Yes there is, waiting for you, waiting for someone like you

All the nights that you told me, all your loving was mine
And I wanted to listen, to all of your lies
I could never imagine, when I felt so high
That there could be somebody new
Better than you in my life

Chorus

All the nights that you told me, all your loving was mine
Now there could be somebody new
Better than you in my life

Please baby, pleaseforgive meI just pray for you to let me love you again there is no one better than you in my life and I hope and pray for you not to look for somebody better for you than me . I love you T.”