Bette zipped Angels back pack closed and opened the smaller pocket. She stuffed a brown envelope in it. The envelope held a five dollar bill and a consent form for a field trip to the Planetarium. It was Angels first field trip with her class and no parents. Angel was in grade 2, seven years old and massively proud that she was now in the second grade. Bette watched as her daughters head would turn up at the sight of first graders, she walked with pride while walking to her classroom. Bette knew she inherited that from her mother, Tina. At the thought of her Bette winced. Things had changed; it turned out so much different than she thought it would. Bette thought that Tina and her would be living together in their house with their daughter-together. Maybe have a cabin out in the country, go to the park on the weekends, and take Angel to art galleries…together. Almost seven years later Bette was still in love with her, still in love with Tina. Bette could and did appreciate and attend to another womans body, she had it in her to be tender, whisper love words, send gifts, and stroke another womans hair. But it wasnt the same in that Bette completely relaxed. Relaxed in the way her and Tina used to be. Just thinking about her made Bettes heart wince a little bit. It was much worse before, now Bette could go on with her life with only a few regrets and winces…little reminders of the love of her life…before everything fell apart.

                Bette had already packed Angels lunch and now she stuffed it inside her back pack. Carrying the back pack and a little duffel bag Bette called out to her daughter. She was by the bookcase drawing on some of Bettes national geographic. Before calling out to her Bette looked at her beautiful baby for a few minutes. She wanted Angel to draw on her stuff; Bette wanted Angel to mark up her life….leave tokens and scribbles that reminded Bette of innocence. It was Monday morning and Bette was going to drive her to school. Then Tina was going to pick her up and drive her to her own house. Bette had Angel after school Friday till Monday morning. Bette was a weekend mom. She only saw Tina once a month, where they would go out somewhere with Angelica. It would never last that long, maybe a couple or three hours. Bette would walk with her hands in her pockets, stealing glances at a woman who once shared so much with her. Now Bette could only catch glimpses of Tinas life, fell back on old memories, reminding herself of little quirks and habits…trying to fit them in her vision of what Tinas life was like. She could tell that Tina was doing the same thing, probing just a little bit to get a sense of where the other was at. Bette only let Tina know she had a stable career, a good home…a routine, a few dates…nothing serious. After saying this it hurt Bette to hear the concern in Tinas voice. Tina wanted Bette to find someone and settle down with them; at least she alluded to that. Bettes stomach had lurched at that. But only a little bit. She had gotten used to this; it became a daily part of her life. The hurt was softer now, still there…it would never leave…but at least it did not skewer her in half.