“What’s the difference between chopping and dicing?” Shane asked, cradling her cell phone under her chin while she assessed the growing pile of carrot bits she was cutting.

“Baby, I don’t think it really matters as long as the pieces are small enough to eat,” Carmen advised.

“Then these should work.”

“As long as Tina eats them, they’ll work.”

“If she does, it’ll be the first thing she’s had since I’ve been here.  Except for coffee,” Shane said, dumping the carrots into a pot with onions and potatoes. “She has to eat something or her body’s going to completely shut down.”

“Is she sleeping at all?”

Shane leaned against the counter and brushed her fingers through her already disheveled hair.  “No.  She wanders around here like she’s haunting the place.”

“Maybe she should see a doctor.  Get some sleeping pills, or something.”

“Yeah.  I thought me being here might be a good idea.  But I don’t know, Carmen,” Shane sighed.

“It is good that you’re there.  But it’s going to take time.  She’s still in shock.”

“We all are.  This is fuckingunreal.”

“Is she talking at all?  About Angelica?  Or Bette?”

“Kinda.  But not much.  She takes a lot of walks.  And she sits with books, but never turns the pages.  I was going to rent some movies the other night but I didn’t want to get something that had babies in it.  Or break ups.  Or someone dying,” Shane said.

“Oh, Honey.”

“We watched some reality show on TV.  She was right next to me but she’s a million miles away.”

“She knows you’re there for her.  And I’m sure she can feel your love and support.”

“I guess.”

“Hey,” Carmen said.

“What?”

“You’re a good friend.”

“Right,” Shane said, completely unconvinced.

“You are.”

Shane watched through the apartment window as Tina made her way up the sidewalk toward the building.

“Babe, she’s on her way in, so I’m going go, okay?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Shane disconnected the call and tucked the cell phone in her pocket.  She knew Carmen was right.  Tina needed time, and lots of it.  It was just so excruciatingly hard to stand by and not be able to do anything to help her through her pain.

“Hey,” Tina called out, closing the door behind her.

“How was your walk?”

“The sun felt good,” Tina said, sitting at the kitchen table.  “Looks like you’ve been busy.”

“I’m making soup,” Shane said, pointing to the pot.

“You’re makingsoup?” Tina smiled, arching her eyebrows.

“It’s Carmen’s recipe.  But yeah.  Chicken soup.”

“Wow.  I’m impressed.”

“Wait ’til you taste my red beans and rice,” Shane winked. 

“How is Carmen?”

“Great.  She says to tell you hello.”  Shane sat across the small table from Tina.

“You two are very sweet together, you know that?”

“Yeah, well” Shane shrugged.

“It’s true.  You take care of each other really well without losing yourselves in the process.  That’s not easy to do,” Tina offered.

“Sometimes it’s easier than others.”

“Everybody always says relationships are 50/50.  But usually they’re 70/30.  Or 40/60.  But you carry that load, and trust that when you need a little extra help, the other person will be there for you, too.” 

Shane watched as tears welled in Tina’s dark eyes, and she reached across the table to take her friend’s hand.  They sat in silence for a moment, and then Tina cleared her throat and stood up.  “I’m sure the two of you will figure that out,” she said with forced brightness.

“Tina–”

“So when will your soup be ready?”

“About an hour.  Plenty of time for you to take a nap before dinner.”

“Very subtle,” Tina said.

“It’s my best quality.”

“I’m trying to sleep.  But it’s hard.  At first I kept having these dreams.  And Angelica would be crying and I’d wake up to go to her.  But when I got to her crib, it was empty,” Tina whispered.  “Bette saidBette”  She tried to continue, but couldn’t get the words out.

“Come here,” Shane said, reaching for Tina.

“I can’t,” Tina said, shaking her head, trying to blink back the tears.  “What happens if it never stops?  What happens if I can’t stop crying?”

Shane pulled Tina close, enveloping her in a wraparound embrace.  “It’ll get better, T,” she promised, hoping it was true.