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    Ashes, ashes… Chapter 20

    Story written on January 3, 2006 by fanficchick.
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    20 votes, average: 4.80 out of 520 votes, average: 4.80 out of 520 votes, average: 4.80 out of 520 votes, average: 4.80 out of 520 votes, average: 4.80 out of 5 (20 votes, average: 4.80 out of 5)
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    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 35
    Words: 2828
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=58780
    Author Notes:

    .

    Tina drove home from Helena‘s with the radio blasting.  She didn’t want to think or feel anything but the music.  Didn’t want to remember or wish or allow room for the endless what ifs that flooded her mind and heart all day.  She just wanted to get home, take a mind-numbingly hot shower, and collapse into bed.   As she pulled up in front of her apartment, she reminded herself of the mantras that she had learned from Ronnie and repeated them over and over. 

     

    It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. 

    There will be dark points when you can’t imagine that it will get any better-know that it will. 

    Trust yourself and you can get through anything.

     

    Of course, it was one thing to learn these phrases while sitting on the couch in the safety of Ronnie’s office, but it was something else altogether to be able to put them into use when she was bottoming out and feeling desperate.  But Tina was determined to ride the blinding wave of hurt that was surging through her, threatening to tear her apart.  She shook her head and realized, with no small amount of irony, that her experience of grief was not dissimilar to the pain she’d felt during her labor.  Except when the pain of childbirth passed, she had Angelica.

     

    “Come on.  Hold it together.  It was a tough day, but soon it’s going to be morning,” Tina said, leaning against her front door after locking it behind her.  

     

    The apartment was quiet, and Tina realized that it had been weeks since she was in it alone, without Helena.  She had grown used to Helena‘s presence.  But more than that, she looked forward to their time together.  It seemed impossible that they had only known each other, off and on, for little over a year. The message light was blinking on the answering machine, indicating three waiting messages, and Tina turned up the volume as she wandered into the bedroom to get ready for her shower.

     

    “Tina.  It’s Alice.  Hey, um, could you give me a call when you get a chance.  I…  Something kinda happened that I want to give you a head’s up about, okay.  It’s Saturday around noon.”

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    Comments

    4. i don’t want tina to smell helena, i want her to talk to bette…is the reconciliation even possible at this point? tina doesn’t even want to talk to bette…i’m really sad

    11. I don’t know if reconciliation is good at this point. I mean Bette ran away when things got too difficult without even trying. Tina needs to be with someone who will be there for her through thick and thin. At this point it has been Helena. I would rather Tina and Helena not travel down that road again, cause to me I just don’t see the chemistry. I still have hope for Tina and Bette but I more leaning towards them being seperate for right now. Love your story, please continue!!

    12. great chapter – nothing in your story gives me the slightest hope for Bette with Tina – to have left her alone and think separating was for the best seems callous beyond belief – it’s not how I have ever seen Bette but it’s how you have drawn her and so I can see no way that Tina could open to her again. You have written Tina and Helena and Ronnie brilliantly kudos to your writing style and storytelling.

    14. After the day from beyond hell seeing your post was a light at the end of the tunnel. I love your Alice. If Tina needs Helena’s pillow, that’s O.K. by me. Great wonderful story. Thank you.

    15. please dont let Tina have the wrong idea of love cuz she dosent love Helena she is just alone and sad and Helena is by her side..this is not love is lonely ..great chapter..i hope bette call her again..post soon thanks

    19. I’ve just caught up on the last six chapters and I’m revelling in your skill and the pure pleasure of your storytelling. I adore the gentle, yet purposeful way this story is unfolding.You are FanficQueen, my friend.

    21. Oh phooey FFC. “I’d be very grateful if you’d be willing to call me back.” Yeah, well I’m sure you would Bette. *rolls eyes* That’s a lot to ask of Tina I’d say (but no one asked me). And if clutching Helena’s pillow makes T feel better then…well…I’m sorry, I just can’t say it. Hellno. I hope B&T can somehow work through this terrible hand that life has dealt them. You hold all the cards babe. May I suggest ridding the deck of the joker though? Her initials are HP.

    24. I love your unique versions of our very familiar characters. And I’m very happy to tag along for the ride in whatever direction you’d care to take us. Pass out a few blindfolds to the Tibetters and Lead on, ffc! ;-)

    25. In this story.. I think Tina should forget Bette and move on.. if it’s with H or anyone else.. I know it wasn’t easy on Bette either but since she was the one who asked not to contact each other I say she should be true to her own words and step off..

    28. uh oh. tina is truly pissed and does not sound remotely like she wants bette back. i hope she still has a chance, but that’s my bias speaking. whichever direction you take the story i’ll be reading and damn appreciative to encounter such fabulous fiction.

    35. shit nothing to be afraid of how was love something to be afraid of i realize grief can mess you up but our magic couple should of hard that extra strenght to get them thro–post soon

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