Chapter 26

Bette began to sway her body as if there were music playing that nobody else heard but her and Sarah. She smiled as she gently placed a kiss on Sarah’s soft hair, inhaling the scent that was unique to babies.

“She is perfect,” Tina said rubbing Sarah’s soft hair.

“Who is she?” Angelica said confused at the scene before her.

“Megan’s daughter.”

Angelica quickly panicked seeing the child, that hadn’t yet been discussed with her, suddenly appear in Bette’s arms. She swallowed knowing she was already on thin ice, but wanting desperately to voice her opinion on a new addition to their family.

“Why is she here?”

“Megan’s mother is in the hospital,” Tina said as she watched Bette slowly sway with her cheek against Sarah’s head. “We’re spending some time with her while Megan takes care of her mother.”

“So it’s not a permanent thing then?” Angelica quickly covered up for her statement by continuing to talk. “She’ll be here just for the night or longer than that?”

“Afraid we’ll make you baby-sit?” Tina arched her brow in challenge.

“Kinda.”

“You should be,” Tina smiled in Angelica’s direction. “You’re basically going to do what we tell you for a very long time without question.”

“You own me,” Angelica said sadly. “I remember.”

“You need to get to bed Boo,” Bette broke up the banter between Tina and their daughter. “You’ve had a long night and so have we.”

Angelica knew enough to simply accept her dismissal without question and stepped up to Tina to kiss her goodnight.

“I’m sorry for tonight.”

“I know,” Tina kissed Angelica goodnight.

Angelica approached Bette and leaned in to kiss her when she bumped into Sarah, who picked her tired head up to look at the disruption.

“I’m sorry,” Angelica said to her kindly and smiled at Sarah despite herself.

Angelica’s eyes met Sarah’s and she couldn’t help but to reach out and touch Sarah’s soft skin on her cheek with the back of her hand.

“She is cute.”

Bette smiled as Angelica played with Sarah’s small ponytails eliciting a giggle from the little girl.

“I think she likes you,” Bette said.

“Hmph,” Angelica walked down the hallway to the wide-open space that once held her door. She looked back at Tina placing her hand on Bette’s back and kissing Sarah once more. “Just like that eh?”

Angelica walked into her room and buried her head in her pillow to block out the light and conversation coming from the family room. Her tears fell freely, however, this time she wasn’t sure why.

“Where should we put this little one?” Bette asked Tina. “She should go to sleep soon with how tired she is.”

“God I’ve missed this,” Tina smiled as she stroked Bette’s cheek lightly.

“What’s that?”

“You holding a baby,” Tina kissed Bette’s lips softly. “We weren’t together when Angie was this small and although we spent all the big moments together, it’s the small ones that I’ve always regretted missing.”

Bette kissed Tina back, in a gentle and loving manner, before Sarah began to play with her hair once more.

“She has good taste,” Tina brushed a curl out of Bette’s eyes. “I love the feeling of your hair in my hands.”

Bette smiled as Tina stroked her hair relishing in the intimate moment. Bette motioned for Tina to sit on the couch while she sat in the rocker, covering Sarah up with a blanket and holding her close as she rocked her attempting to put her to sleep.

“I used to rock Angie for hours when she was this small,” Bette admitted her innermost thoughts. “Some nights when she fell asleep I’d hold her just to be close to you in some small way. Sometimes, if you dropped her off right before her bedtime, she’d smell like you and I just couldn’t let her go.”

“Oh Babe,” Tina felt the pain in Bette’s words. “We lost so much time together as a family.”

“I remember how stunning you were when you were pregnant,” Bette continued her random thoughts. “I remember how much I loved watching you nurse, but feeling so alone not being able to share the moment with you.”

“Because I shut you out,” Tina said sadly. “God if we could go back and do it all over again how differently I’d do things.”

“How so?”

“I’d spend as many moments as I could with you as we are right now.”

“We’re good this time around,” Bette said wanting reassurance from Tina. “Maybe we had to go through the horrible times to be at this point.”

“Not many people get second chances.”

“That’s true,” Bette agreed as Sarah snuggled deeper into her arms.

“Can you imagine if we hadn’t embraced our second chance?”

“No,” Bette said seriously. “I can’t imagine that.”

Bette rocked in silence as her focus began to change from Tina to staring straight ahead. Her eyes were always expressive to Tina who mastered the ability to read the emotions behind the looks that flashed in Bette’s eyes.

“You’re thinking something,” Tina said quietly as Sarah began to close her eyes.

“Second chances,” Bette muttered as Megan flashed in her mind. “You always have a choice.”

“What’s yours?” Tina challenged as Sarah began to sleep.

Megan walked down the sterile hallway swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. Her eyes looked at the first doorway taking in the sequence of numbers, and comparing them to the next set. The odd numbers were increasing, causing Megan to continue down the hallway, but focus her attention on the other side of the hallway where the even numbered rooms were located. Each door was opened showing two beds in the room, but not all were occupied. As the numbers increased, the rooms became private, reserved for those with little time left.

Megan’s eyes glanced over the numbers of the first private room and shuttered, seeing they matched the ones she was given for her mother. Sandra was quickly transferred from the emergency room to a private room once she was stabilized. Upon arriving in the emergency room in search of her mother, Megan was greeted by the hospital social worker with pamphlets in her hand and a sympathetic smile on her face.

Megan blinked back tears as she remembered the disturbing conversation with the woman that approached her under the guise of helping.

“She can’t stay here long-term,” Megan shook her head in disgust at the social worker’s words. “These pamphlets are about several long-term facilities in the area that are very good at handling patents such as your mother.”

“Dying ones,” Megan said with anger laced in her voice. “And these long-term facilities are essentially nursing homes where she’ll be neglected and left alone to die. I won’t do that to her.”

“Not all nursing homes are bad.”

“No, I’m sure they aren’t, but I still don’t want my mother in one. She’ll be coming home with me.”

Megan clutched onto the one pamphlet she kept that discussed Hospice, complete with amazing stories of the staff that volunteer their time to the worthy cause. She folded the pamphlet up into a tiny square before slipping it into the back pocket of her jeans and entering the room.

Megan stepped into the room and took a deep breath to summon the courage to face her mother. Every detail of the room stood out to Megan’s trained eye. The floor was a cold tile, logical for the environment, but unfeeling to those that spent an extended period of time there. The sink was immediately to the right of the doorway, where there was also a bathroom equipped with every handicapped assistance device known to man. There was a curtain that could be pulled to offer additional privacy, but Sandra had requested it be left opened for her to witness the people entering her room. On the wall hung a dry erase board that displayed Sandra’s nurse’s name along with her extension and the nurse assistant that was also on duty.

Megan walked in and stood there rooted to the ground as she took in every detail of her mother. Sandra looked frail, an oxygen tube laying between her upper lip and her nose to assist in her breathing. She was sitting up, her head propped up on a mountain of pillows, as she fought for every breath.

Megan sat down on the edge of the bed, fighting back tears that threatened to spill over for her mother to witness.

“Mom,” Megan wiped a stray hair from Sandra’s forehead.

Sandra opened her eyes at the sound of her daughter’s voice.

“I’m glad to see you,” Sandra said in a weak voice as she fought to be heard over the beeping of her oxygen machine. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it.”

“I’m here Mom.”

“Where’s Sarah?” Sandra looked past Megan to the entrance of the room.

“She’s with Bette and Tina,” Megan smiled kindly at her mother. “I didn’t think she’d do well in a hospital this late at night.”

Megan clasped her hand over her mother’s as Sandra, once again, closed her eyes trying to fight off the pain that occurred with each breath.

“I want to go,” Sandra said as she struggled to open her eyes. “I don’t want to die in this hospital when I’ve lived my life outside of one. I don’t want Sarah to see me here and I want to see her before I go.”

“You’re sick Mom,” Megan lost her struggle to contain her tears. “You need help to get better.”

“You of all people know the outcome I’m prolonging.”

“Are you sure?” Megan touched her mother’s head once more. “Are you really sure you want to leave here right now?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Megan looked around as if expecting someone to be standing near her. “It seems so cold in here Mom.”

“It’s death,” Sandra held Megan’s hand tight. “Please let me go home and die in peace.”

“Okay,” Megan reached over and dialed the nurse’s extension proudly displayed on the dry erase board.

She waited for the nurse to pick up, but the extension was more of a paging system, prompting Megan to punch in her room number. Within moments, the nurse was at Sandra’s bedside ready to assist Megan.

“Who do I speak to about getting my mother released?”

“Do you know how sick she is?”

Megan made no attempt to quiet her voice as the nurse had moments before.

“Yes I know how sick she is, and it’s not a mystery to her either.”

“May I speak to you outside?”

Megan sighed as she got up, brushed her lips against her mother’s forehead, and patted her hand before following the nurse outside.

“You can’t possibly move her in her condition.”

“She wants to die at home,” Megan began to explain. “She wants to see my daughter once last time and not in this environment.”

“I suggest your daughter come up here,” the nurse said with empathy. “I’m not sure how much longer your mother has to be honest.”

The words hit Megan hard, and she barely heard the rest of the nurse’s explanation. She had never considered her mother to be so ill that it would be a matter of hours to days instead of months to properly say farewell.

“Hours?” Megan pushed for clarification.

“To days,” the nurse answered kindly. “I’m so sorry.”

The nurse walked away leaving Megan with her thoughts. Her eyes welled up with tears as she struggled with her decision. She now knew her mother was not stable enough to be moved out of the hospital, hours to days was indicative of that.

Sandra closed her eyes once more accepting what she overheard from Megan’s conversation. She knew it was time, time to let go, and accept the fate for which she was chosen. She took another breath, listening to the beep of a machine nearby reassuring her that she was still living.

Megan walked back in the room struggling with wiping the ever-falling tears from her eyes. She walked to the side of Sandra’s bed, sniffling and desperate to hold onto her mother.

“Come here,” Sandra opened her eyes and held stretched out her arms to welcome Megan into them. She rubbed her back, feeling her daughter’s tears wet the hospital gown that was issued to her from the emergency room. “I’ve got you.”

“I can’t do this Mom,” Megan sobbed. “I can’t let go of you, not when I need you the most.”

“You’ll have me,” Sandra reassured as she hugged her daughter tight. “You will always have me in your heart.”

“I can’t walk this alone.”

“How can you be afraid of me dying when you’ve accepted the same fate yourself?” Sandra challenged, hopeful that Megan would reconsider.

“Because Sarah will always be too young to go through this when I am in your shoes,” Megan wiped her tears making room for fresh ones to fall.

Megan stared into her mother’s eyes seeing complete love reflecting back at her. She held her mother once more as she struggled to gain her composure.

“I need to see her,” Sandra said quietly. “I need to say goodbye.”

“It’s too final, I’m afraid.”

“You know what I believe?” Sandra continued to stroke Megan’s back. “When it’s your time, it can be a scary thing. But I truly believe that someone you love, that loves you completely, comes back for you. Someone that has died before you walks the path with you so it isn’t scary.”

“I’m still afraid.”

“I’ll come back for you Baby,” Sandra smiled at her daughter lovingly. “I just need to say goodbye to Sarah.”

Bette stirred as she heard her cell phone vibrating in top of the nightstand. She opened her eyes and struggled to move, but she worried about waking a sleeping Sarah that slept between her and Tina.

Tina woke up quickly startled at Bette’s quick movements to pick her phone up before the caller was thrown into voice mail. Neither one of them actually had been sleeping soundly anyway, both afraid of rolling over on Sarah given it had been what seemed an eternity since they had slept together with Angelica between them.

“Hello?” Bette answered without checking the caller id.

Tina became worried at the look that emitted from Bette’s expressive eyes. It was one that she hadn’t seen lately, a combination of fear and sadness, shining through the windows to Bette’s soul.

“Oh Megan,” Bette said sympathetically. “Of course we’ll bring Sarah there as soon as we get her together and dressed.”

Bette hung up quickly, not needing to convey the conversation to Tina who was already up getting dressed and searching for a shirt to accompany her jeans.

“It’s not good is it?”

“No,” Bette took a deep breath to steady her emotions. “Sandra wants to say goodbye to Sarah.”

“I wish we could stop this from happening to them.”

“We can’t,” Bette said quietly. “It’s hard to accept but we can’t.”

“What are we going to do about Angelica?”

“Shane?” Bette suggested. “Shane can come sleep here for the night so we don’t have to wake Angie up. She’s had a hard enough day I think.”

“I’ll go call her,” Tina slipped on her shoes and turned to look back at Bette searching for her jeans. “I’ll come back to get Sarah dressed if you can pack her diaper bag?”

“Sure,” Bette slipped her jeans over her hips and fastened them quickly. “Let me just find my shoes.”

Tina walked out the door to quickly get arrangements in place for Angelica so they could meet Megan at the hospital. Bette, on the other hand, sat down on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath to calm her shaking hands.

She closed her eyes, seeing a flash from her memory of Melvin lying in bed, as Tina held her close to her chest and stroked her hair.

“We’ve never done this before,” Bette had muttered quietly.

“I’ve never held you?” Tina questioned.

Bette shook her head to rid herself of the memory of her father dying. The more Bette tried to shake the memory, the stronger the emotions rose to the surface regarding the loss of her father.

“Can we just sleep?” Bette begged Tina as she looked up from the bed that they had shared, that Bette had felt they’d never share again.

“Please,” Tina smiled and kissed her gently on the lips.

Tina stood in the doorway looking at Bette in concern.

“Babe?”

“Hmmmm?” Bette looked up realizing she was no further along in the process of getting ready to go than she had been when Tina walked out the door.

“Shane’s here, are you about ready?”

Bette quietly rose from the bed and grabbed the diaper bag from the corner of the room handing it to Tina quickly.

“I’ll grab her and meet you in the car,” Bette said as she walked back to the bed and began to coax Sarah awake to make the trip to the hospital.

Megan was stroking her mother’s wrist trying to remain strong when Bette and Tina approached the entrance to Sandra’s room. While Tina continued to walk, Bette stood still listening to the conversation occurring. Sarah, oblivious to most of what was going on around her, simply played with Bette’s hair as she stretched a curl out and watched as it bounced back to its original shape.

“You have always been an amazing mom,” Megan said as Tina stopped, turning back to look at Bette. “You’ve been my biggest supporter, from my art to Janet, and I can’t put into words how much I love you.”

Bette’s mind flashed to Melvin in bed looking at her as she relaxed in Tina’s arms.

“Now that’s what I like to see,” Melvin smiled.

Bette’s heart broke as Melvin began to expand on his vision, clearly mistaking Tina for Bette’s mother instead of her lover and partner.

“Babe?” Tina gently rubbed Bette’s arm to bring her thoughts into the present. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Bette offered a weak smile as she walked inside.

“Mama,” Sarah stretched her arms out to signal her desire to have Megan hold her.

“Hi Baby,” Megan held Sarah tight, kissing her head, and turning back around to face Sandra. “Mom she’s here.”

Sandra mustered all the strength she could to grab Sarah and place her on her lap. She smiled as Sarah began to sing their favorite song, complete with the appropriate hand gestures for ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’.

“I love you Sarah,” Sandra kissed the little girl’s forehead as her own tears started to fall. “I’ll always be your angel looking after you.”

Tina leaned into Bette as her own tears began to fall. Bette instinctively wrapped her arm around Tina and pulled her in close to her body. Tina wiped her tears, struggling to gain control to support Megan during this difficult time.

“God,” Megan whispered as she looked away and began to cry.

Tina disengaged from Bette’s embrace as she walked to where Megan had stepped back to avoid Sandra’s gaze. She wrapped her arm around Megan’s shoulder and whispered to her in a comforting tone.

“We’re right here, you’re not alone Megan.”

Bette watched as her wife comforted Megan always showing her tender side to those in need. Sandra began to cough causing Bette to draw her attention away from Tina to the hospital bed before her. She slowly approached the bed and offered a genuine smile to Sandra knowing there was no need to introduce herself to the elder woman.

“Please,” Sandra motioned with her eyes for Bette to join her and Sarah in bed.

Bette sat on the edge of the bed smiling as Sarah began to play with her curls once more.

“She likes you,” Sandra smiled.

“I like her too.”

“It’s my one regret,” Sandra said sadly. “Leaving Megan alone at this time with Sarah and missing her grow up, it gets me angry just thinking about what I’ll miss.”

“She’s not alone,” Bette saw Sandra watching Tina comfort her daughter.

“She’ll be afraid.”

“Won’t we all be when it’s that time? But she’s handling it with more dignity and grace than anyone I’ve ever known.”

Sandra began to feel the weight of her eyelids, sleep setting in as Megan’s tears began to fall harder. Bette lifted Sarah off Sandra’s lap and stood her up on her own lap to face her.

“We’ll let your grandma sleep,” Bette whispered to the little girl that cooed at the sound of Bette’s voice.

“Why don’t we go get some coffee?” Tina led Megan out the door with her arm around her shoulders. Megan smiled, grateful for the support Tina was offering, as they walked down the hallway to the family lounge where the coffee machine was located.

“I guess that means it’s just you and I,” Bette smiled as Sarah played with her hair once more. “You really have a thing for my hair, don’t you?”

Sarah giggled as she placed her hands on Bette’s cheeks and squeezed. Bette chuckled at how cheerful Sarah was given it was the middle of the night.

“You’re so innocent,” Bette said looking into Sarah’s bright eyes. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this so early in your life.”

Sarah played with Bette’s eyebrow, then leaned forward to kiss Bette’s nose.

“Nose,” Sarah pointed with her finger and touched it to Bette’s nose.

“That’s right, you’re so smart Baby.”

Bette bounced her knees up and down eliciting a giggle from Sarah.

“You have so much energy for it being so late,” Bette smiled as she talked gently to Sarah. “And your mommy thinks I can keep up?”

Sarah giggled and nuzzled into Bette’s neck.

“I wonder if I can,” Bette said softly. “Tina thinks we can, and I may just have to agree with her on that one. Don’t tell her though, she already has Angelica on her side.”

Bette chuckled as Sarah giggled again like she understood the conversation.

“I told Tina that she better watch out,” Bette continued. “You could even out the teams in the Kennard-Porter household.”

Tina and Megan walked toward Sandra’s room, Megan having composed herself, and Tina wanting to ensure Bette was ok given her strange behavior that night. She seemed withdrawn, distant, lost her in her own thoughts. When Tina heard Bette talking, she reached out and stopped Megan’s progress into the room.

“Wait here a second,” Tina smiled hearing the conversation from the room.

“I’m a workaholic, I’ll warn you ahead of time. I’m controlling too.”

Tina snickered as Megan smiled, holding her coffee to her lips to take a sip. She smiled as she heard Sarah responding in baby babble and giggling with each sentence Bette uttered.

“I’m not sure what happened to Angelica,” Bette continued. “We try so hard to keep her focused on what she should, but all the differences that make her special she struggles with.”

“God I love her in this mode,” Tina whispered to Megan causing Megan to smile and place her hand on Tina’s back.

“Like tonight Sarah,” Bette continued oblivious to the audience that had gathered. “Tina reminded me that we have a choice. Angelica chooses not to see how amazing she is because of those differences.”

Bette sat in silence for a few moments puzzling Tina because she couldn’t see into the room clearly enough to see what Bette was doing. Just as she was about to walk in, Bette began to speak again rooting her to the spot she currently stood.

“You always have a choice Sarah,” Bette said lovingly as she kissed Sarah’s soft cheek. “It’s like a weight being lifted off us having made ours.”

Megan looked at Tina curious about what Bette was discussing.

“Now all we have to do is tell your mom that after exhausting discussions, we’ve decided there’s no place we’d rather have you be than with us.”