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BELIEVING IN LOVE – Chapter 30
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Chapter 30
The night air was cooler than normal for this time of year in California. The breeze rustled through yards, shaking leaves on trees, and gently cooling anything in its path. This was the case when the breeze encountered the Porter household as it gently blew through the open windows.
The house was dark, the only light coming from the moon and the pool lights that reflected into Bette and Tina’s bedroom. Bette and Tina were lying in a familiar embrace. Tina slept comfortably on her stomach, while Bette lay on her side with her arm protectively over her wife. The breeze gently entered the open window and caressed the exposed skin in its path. Tina stirred as she felt the sudden coolness of the night breeze.
The gust of wind cooled the room down quickly, forming goose bumps on Bette’s mocha skin. As she shivered, she opened her eyes and glanced around the room before pulling the covers up around both of them more securely.
Angelica shivered as the night air blew into her room and gently rustled papers that were neatly piled on her desk. It continued to sweep around her room, making its way under posters that were tacked on Angelica’s wall, creating enough of a sound to wake her from her dreams. She pulled the covers up to her chin and looked at the moonlight as it cast shadows in various parts of her room. Angelica turned over and burrowed further into the covers, willing herself to return to her dream, but having no success. She looked over at the red numbers glaring from her alarm clock and realized it was still the middle of the night.
“Ugh,” Angelica grunted as she debated whether to brave the coolness of the night to get a much-needed glass of water.
Megan’s room, despite the cool night air, was warmer. The moonlight paled in comparison to the light that was surrounding the image of Janet, standing at the side of her bed.
“It’s time isn’t it?” Megan asked again quietly.
Janet’s image became focused, her touch warmer, as her smile offered comfort and peace.
“Tonight,” Janet said as she sat down on the edge of Megan’s bed. “You have a little time left.”
“You’ve come to take me.”
“I’ve come to help you,” Janet said kindly. “We have a little time left to talk. We need to talk about some things before we go.”
“Where am I going?”
“You’re an amazing person Megan. You’re coming with me as long as you can shed the troubles that hold you here.”
“God I’ve missed you,” Megan suddenly felt her body go numb. It started at the very point where Janet touched her cheek and moved through her body ending at her toes. “I don’t feel any pain anymore.”
“Not the physical, your physical pain is done Babe. We need to heal your heart now.”
“I want to,” Megan broke down allowing tears to cascade down her face. “I need to.”
“You’ve carried around too much guilt about my death,” Janet gently began the difficult conversation. “You did what I asked of you Megan, you gave our daughter a chance at life.”
“I let you die.”
“It was supposed to be that way,” Janet smiled once more causing Megan to smile back. “You’re not always meant to know why, to find reason among the difficult times in life, but you have to have faith that when you make decisions with your heart, you make the right ones.”
“I’ve replayed that night so many times thinking there was something else I could have done.”
“I was meant to die,” Janet said softly. “You can now understand that Sarah had to come first. You’ve made the same decision Babe.”
“I’m a coward and didn’t fight.”
“Never,” Janet pushed a strand of hair behind Megan’s ear. “You spared our daughter pain by taking it on now, that’s not being a coward, that’s being a mother. There is no other love like that between a parent and a child Babe. You’ve personified that in your decisions, your courage, your heartache at the thought of not physically being with her.”
“Will I be able to see her when I’m gone?”
“Yes,” Janet smiled. “I see her everyday and there are times I think she senses me there, even at her young age. Angels exist Babe, in all different forms, and you will be one of Sarah’s too.”
“Did I make the right decision for her future?” Megan asked hesitant at hearing the answer.
“Come with me,” Janet held out her hand and pulled Megan up with ease.
Megan looked back, seeing her body lying in bed struggling for breath with her eyes opened and focused in front of her, then looked back at Janet.
“I’m afraid,” Megan began to cry.
“You’re safe,” Janet reassured her. “Close your eyes and feel the love and peace that surrounds you.”
Megan closed her eyes, feeling a sense of warmth on her body once more, before opening her eyes feeling a bit more relaxed. When she opened her eyes, both she and Janet were standing beside Sarah’s crib. Megan watched a transformation on Janet’s face as she looked at their daughter sleeping peacefully in her crib.
“I always hold a place for her in my heart,” Janet whispered softly. “I’ll always return to her, to fill that space in her life as much as I can, without physically being with her. She’ll find her way back to us, one day, but until then I visit her each day to watch over her.”
“She looks so much like you,” Megan held Janet’s hand and used her other one to gently touch Sarah’s cheek. “I would look at her and remember so much about you. But the days moved on, and I struggled to remember what your voice sounded like, or your laugh, and I hated that it was slipping away from me. It made me cling harder to her desperate to keep this one innocent piece of you close to me.”
“You have held me close to you,” Janet pulled Megan closer to her. “You’ve honored me everyday of your life Babe. I was always standing near you, especially when you created the show to tell my story. I can’t thank you enough for carrying my memory and message with such caring hands.”
“I needed to spare another child a future like Sarah’s,” Megan said beginning to cry once more. “She deserves her mom to be around to guide her growing up.”
“You’ve done the best you could given the set of circumstances.”
“Did I make the right decisions?” Megan asked as a wave of insecurity swept over her once more. “Will she be happy?”
“She’ll miss us, but I believe she’ll have an amazing life filled with love and laughter with Bette and Tina.”
“Are you ok with my choice asking them to raise her?” Megan suddenly felt panicked that she had done the wrong thing.
“Yes,” Janet answered emphatically. “And you were right that you would have only prolonged Sarah’s pain watching you die. Her memories would have been of you suffering, and she would have struggled with it as Bette does now.”
“I tried to show Bette it was time to let go,”
“She will in her own time,” Janet explained. “Speaking of which, we don’t have much time left Babe.”
Janet looked around the room, which was filling up with more light, before tugging at Megan’s hand, ushering her back to her own room. They stood in the corner immersed in the warmth of light as Megan watched herself struggling to breathe.
Janet held her hand, stroking it gently to provide comfort.
“I know it’s hard, but it’s almost time and I think you’ll want to witness what else happens. I promise you’ll get a chance to say goodbye to Sarah, but right now your focus needs to be here.”
Angelica scuffled down the hallway in a pair of light blue, fuzzy slippers mumbling about how cold the house seemed as she went for her water. She walked past Megan’s room, but stopped as she listened to Megan struggling for breath. She poked her head into the room, feeling a wave of nausea attack her stomach.
“Oh God please,” Angelica whispered. “Please make her be ok.”
Angelica frowned as she walked closer to the bed, enabling her to see Megan fully. Megan’s eyes were still staring ahead of her, her breathing erratic, and her skin glistening with sweat although the room was uncharacteristically cold.
“Megan?”
Angelica’s voice was unanswered as she swallowed a lump in her throat, tears coming to her eyes, and falling over to wet her cheeks. She quickly backed out of the room and ran to Bette and Tina’s bedroom. Angelica didn’t bother to knock as fear settled into her stomach that Megan was dying.
“Mom?” Angelica called out causing Tina and Bette to stir. “Mama B?”
Angelica shook Bette to ensure she was beginning to wake up.
“Get up,” Angelica ordered. “Megan’s breathing weird.”
“Weird?” Tina asked as Bette shot out of bed and ran toward Megan’s room.
Tina quickly got up and put an arm around Angelica. She ushered her toward the French doors that opened into the backyard from their bedroom.
“I want you to go to Aunt Shane’s,” Tina peered outside to ensure Shane’s car was parked in the driveway. “Stay there until one of us comes to get you.”
“But…” Angelica felt fear more than any other emotion and desperately needed to feel comfort.
“It’s okay sweetie” Tina whispered, placing a quick kiss on her daughter’s head. “Now go! Hurry so I can watch you.”
Angelica ran across the back yard and into Shane’s yard quickly. She knocked at the backdoor and quickly, the back porch lights were turned on. The door opened and Shane appeared, rather confused and disheveled, listening to Angelica speaking loudly about Megan not breathing well. She quickly waved to Tina and pulled Angelica inside, to shelter her from the harsh reality of death.
Tina ran down the hallway to join Bette beside Megan to assess the situation. When Tina arrived, Bette was sitting on the bed next to Megan who was staring at the ceiling, hardly blinking as she struggled to breathe.
“Megan,” Bette placed her hand on Megan’s cheek to try to get her attention. “Honey please don’t go.”
Bette’s tears fell freely as she grabbed Megan’s hand and held it in her own. The contrast between Megan’s pale, cold, frail hand resting in Bette’s strong, darker one was immediately noticed by Tina. Tina walked up behind Bette and placed a hand on her shoulder and one on Megan’s hand as well.
“Stay with me Megan,” Bette pleaded as her tears dripped from her cheeks and chin onto Megan’s face.
Janet and Megan watched from the corner at the scene playing out in front of them. Megan began to cry as Janet held her in her tight in her arms.
“God I can feel her pain,” Megan cried harder. “She’s hurting.”
“She doesn’t want to let go,” Janet explained. “Go to her, go back and say goodbye, give them peace by letting them say goodbye.”
Megan blinked as more of Bette’s tears fell on her face and Bette began to shake from crying. She placed her hand, once more, on Megan’s cheek as she blinked her eyes. Megan looked over to the corner, ensuring that she could still see Janet, who nodded her approval to encourage Megan to say goodbye.
Megan squeezed Bette’s hand tight and looked up to smile at Tina.
“I’ve made my peace,” Megan whispered as she struggled to take her next breath. “This is how it’s supposed to be.”
“Please,” Bette pleaded as Megan flinched, feeling Bette’s emotional pain physically. “Don’t go.”
“I need to.”
“She needs you,” Bette pleaded. “We need you.”
“You have everything you need right here,” Megan smiled at Bette to comfort her. “Your family, love, the success you wanted approval for is sitting beside you.”
Tina felt her own tears falling as she laid her cheek against Bette’s head. Her tears fell quicker, dampening Bette’s hair, as she rubbed Bette’s back with one hand and Megan’s arm with the other.
“We love you,” Tina said quietly. “I’m sorry….”
Tina was at a loss for words but Megan’s smile comforted her quickly. Megan focused on Bette now, still feeling her struggle and pain over the inevitable.
“Megan,” Janet said softly. “It’s time to say goodbye to Sarah. Once we leave this room, you won’t come back Babe. Give her peace, show her compassion and love, but it’s time to say goodbye to our daughter.”
Megan looked back at Bette and lifted her weak arm to place her hand against Bette’s wet cheek.
“You are one of the kindest, loving, most amazing people I know,” Megan smiled. “Teach my daughter that, teach my daughter all that you learned from your experiences, and above all else teach her that we loved her, enough to put her first.”
Megan closed her eyes. She struggled to take a few breaths, before she took Janet’s hand and stepped to the warm corner once more.
“Megan?” Bette said blinking rapidly to see through her tears. “Megan!”
“She’s gone Babe,” Tina held Bette close to her as her body shook from sobbing.
“Nooooooo!” Bette’s voice rang loud through the quiet night.
Megan suddenly found herself standing, once more, beside Sarah’s crib. She looked at Janet, who smiled to offer her support, before reaching into the crib to touch Sarah one last time before leaving the house. This time, however, Sarah stirred and woke from her sleep.
Sarah’s innocent, curious eyes met with Megan’s as if she could see her clearly. Megan ran her hand over Sarah’s soft, curly hair as she had done countless times before.
“Mama,” Sarah said quietly.
“Can she see us?”
“I’m not sure,” Janet admitted reaching out and touching her innocent daughter lovingly. “She just may.”
“Mama,” Sarah grabbed their hands at the same time, causing both women to gasp in wonderment.
“She can see us.”
“Baby,” Janet began to cry harder. “I’ve missed you.”
Sarah’s response was simply wide grin.
“We love you,” Megan whispered. “We’ll always love you and always be here.”
Janet grabbed Megan’s hand and held it tightly. She bent down and kissed Sarah once on the cheek, resting her lips there a moment longer than necessary to feel the closeness she had never experienced with her own daughter.
“It’s time,” Janet said as the light in Sarah’s room faded and the last view Megan and Janet saw was Sarah waving and smiling.
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BENDY…my mind is blank right now…all i can think to say is WOW!
The tears can’t stop. That was really sad but I am glad Megan’s suffering is no more. I need to watch something funny now.
That chapter was…everything. Thank you.
this was so beautifully written that i don’t have words…thank you
Amazing but it’s making me too sad.
I have tears just streaming down my face. Thank you, Gumby, for this amazing story and thank you for sharing some of yourself in your notes.
oh wow so difficult to read, so physically reminding of past pain; thank u did it beautifully and I agree with your thoughts at the beginning…thank you, it helps to cry….
Just superb. My tears are making it impossible to write more.
OMG!, The last few chaps have brought some serious tears to my eyes.
Gumby…wow. Simply amazing!!
I am speechless……the lump in my throat and tears are your fault!!! Utterly amazing chapter! Please don’t ever stop writing!
What can I say……You are a fantastic writer! You handled Megan’s death better than I could have imagined. I cried with the rest. Can’t wait for the next chapter!
First thank you for giving a piece of yourself and opinions in the notes that was so true and wonderful of you to share. second having lost most of my family to cancer and violence I feel that when the time comes it loved ones that have passed before us really do come for us to make the transition less scary. That thought always gives me comfort so thank you for making the scene so beautifully written. Third I had just read the chapter and started crying and my manager asked me if I wanted to home early because of some “emotional” issues. So there I was driving my forklift with a face full of tears. Looking at it now it just makes laugh. But thank you for the emotional ride that was a beautiful story as always. PEACE.
Amazing chapter Gumby, well done.
A beautiful chapter!
there are no words to explain how many feelings you move with this chapter, it was wonderful. Thanks so so so so much
I mus agree with Lowerbottom…THIS IS A MASTERPIECE! WOW! WOW! WOW!
Very sensitively written. Thanks, Gumby.
I can only reiterate what eveyone above me has said. Pure brilliance. Oh and are you trying to win an award for the longest Author Note?!?!? xxx
Gumby,I’m with all of the above too. From your notes through to the final line of this chapter, are so many of the things I believe & have experienced. To see so much in such a short space, wow!
Wow, wow, wow! Gumby that was probably the most emotionally gripping chapter I’ve ever read on fan fic. I like all others here have tears rolling down my cheeks. You are indeed an amazning writer to bring out such emotion in us all.
incredible, amazing. and wonderfully written. thanks
Don’t know what else to say, but thank you. That was beautiful. I cannot imagine the courage it took to not only create this difficult story but then share it with us. I am amazed.
I had a hard time reading the end f this one through my tears. You’re a great writer.
Absolutely amazing and wonderfully written. Just can’t stop the tears. Thanks Gumby.
Best of luck with your friend. Loss is a difficult subject and one which you have approached brilliantly. Thank you for sharing this. ADx
To borrow a line from this chapter… ” i can feel their pain”. Brilliant writing Gumby.
Will read this one later. :)
Gumby this was beautifully written, thank you!!
That was an amazing chapter. Heartbreaking but so wonderfully written.
WOW. I really can’t say more. Just WOW!
WOW!! Talking about full of emotion. *sitting in a corner, collecting my thoughts* I grew to like Megan as you stated so profoundly in your author’s note. I must say that I have experienced lost of friends that were treasured, but never a lost so close. You have painted a very touching and emotional moment.
dear god woman, you have got me crying at work, now i really have to hide what i’m doing here. great, great job, just went through this with my mom 6 mo.’s ago, and you did an amazing job with this!!!!!!!!!
God You actually made me cry with this chapter. Simply amazing
I’ve savored every word of this amazing story. Simply beautiful. Good luck with mending your friendship.
As one of your silent readers, I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading this wonderful story and I look forward to reading the last chapter.
Gumby you’ve gone and done it again!!!!!!!! written an excellent chapter, and made me cry!!!! Made me think of my aunt’s death which I missed, and never got to say goodbye to until I actually voiced it, and that’s when she came to me in my first dream of her to say goodbye to me. And since then I dream her every time something is to change in my life. So our loved ones never ever leaves us!!! THANKS GUMBY. I SINCERELY HOPE THE NEXT CHAPTER IS LIGHTER AND WITH A BIT OF HUMOR!~
Beautiful just beautiful, that’s all I can say.
WOW!!! That was Amazing and so sad. I do hope Bette will be OK. Thank you
i know that i don’t often leave a comment and for that i’m truly sorry because every chapter that you post deserves one.that was just so heart breaking, i’m sitting here with the tears falling from my eyes.you are an amazing writer and i thank you for sharing your stories with us. please post again soon.x.x.
That was beautifully, tenderly expressed. You are am amazing writer.
Absolutely beautiful!
wow.. great chapter.. great writer..
Hey Gumby, I can just about type through my tears. It is a wonderful gift that you have. The ability to share such heartfelt emotion with all your readers and genuinely touch the loves of so many. I read your comments on loss and just like your story, they have the power to affect each reader with the sincerity and honesty. Showing the different types of loss is a lesson to us all. A message to make the most of the time we have with those we love. A note to stop petty arguments or disagreements lingering and destroying true friendships. It amazes that something so simple can crush companionship. And, finally a reminder to always be true to yourself. During a détente in warfare it can be easy to lose yourself and think that everything is grand but you need to reassess the situation and look deeply at who you are and what you are doing. Is there a little voice niggling away that this might not be the best course of action. As for Megan’s final journey from life to death; it was extraordinary. I hope that there is someone special to come and take you through these final stages. Someone to take away the pain, to offer support and comfort, to guide you on the right path, to help you let go of the present and journey to a better place. Thank heavens Angelica was thirsty and her quick thinking to waken her mothers. I am sure she was glad when Tina sent her to Shane’s. Bette’s reluctance to let Megan go was in part her desire to hold on to her father. Janet’s was very perceptive and understood Bette’s position. Having Megan show Bette it was her time was awesome. Gumby, again your talent overwhelm me throughout this tragic event but there was hope and awareness of this death being the right path for Megan to take. My words seem so unable to convey the feeling I am trying valiantly to express. Just be secure in the knowledge that you have moved me beyond words. Thank you so much for trusting me with your treasure. Your Loyal and weeping Fan.
My tears are free-flowing. It brought back so much….I am SO gonna be late for work tomorrow morning. Gumby you’re amazing.
Thank you Gumby for sharing with us.
I sit with tears running down my face wondering about what comes next.
Amazing. I really had to cry. What kind of excellent story.
****with tears trickling down my cheeks** Ya did good, Gumby.
As there are amazing writers and stories, not one has ever brought me to this point. I too just lost my Granny and miss her terribly, I hope that’s how she went, I hope someone came and got her. She was our direct link and I still believe that she is, only from a different place. Please and Thank you
This is a masterpiece. Thank you.
Amazing!
Simply amazing. Such emotion. Good thing I had Kleenex.
This was very beautiful, powerful,… But I’m still glad to see that this doesn’t seem to be the final chapter to this story for I hope your last chappie will be a little more lighthearted ( lol ! ). Great update Gumby !!
Thanks for that Chapter Gumby!
I don’t cry on sad movies or stories…. but you made a few tears ran down my cheeks especially when I read that Sarah grabbed her mothers’ hands… *oh, feel the heart ache* I do believe kids can see things that we adults cannot see. Thank you… for the amazing writing.
Grumpy I hope you go find your friend and everything works out good, I myself will embark on a journy east tommarow to re-connect with some family members hopefuly. Your story has touched me deeply, for that I thank you. Md
What a fantastic job you’ve done. I’m sitting at my desk with tears coming down my cheeks hoping that no one walks in my office. The only good that has probably come out of this is that Megan is reunited with Janet. Hopefully you will continue the story so we can see how Sarah’s life has progressed with B&T.
Such a painful chapter and yet very loving. My head hurts from the pain and tears. Sarah will have wonder family that will bring her in but at least she got to see both of her mothers together.
I finally got around to reading this at a time I could be totally alone. I sobbed. I would’ve wailed if the house had been empty. Angelica handled that better than I would have. I would’ve freaked out.
So sad but your story was beautiful, Sarah will loved by all. Thanks
Damn you Gumby…you have me sitting here crying my eyes out. I love this story…you have a gift woman!
just read the last 3 chapters and the tears are falling form my eyes… i can’t even think of what to say… great writing K…
Can’t stop the tears!