The waitress, looking none too thrilled to be working at this hour saunters over to the table carrying three cups of warm coffee, Alice quickly gathers up her notes and drawings, hugging them close to her chest, while the waitress sets the cups on the corner of the table. Shane slides one across to Alice and another to Dana. The menus sit in front of Dana, who nervously scoops one up and studies the selections. The waitress stares blankly at the group, they stare back. After a long silence Alice speaks up, All righty then Flo, Ill have the Rooty Tooty Fresh-n-Fruity, Dane how about you?

Dana, studying the menu before her, Ah, let me see

We dont have it. The waitress replies flatly, staring down at Alice while tapping her pencil on her order pad.

What? What do you mean you dont have it?

We dont have it.

Yes you do.

Never did.

Yes you did. I use to get it here all the time.

No you didnt.

But I did.

Missy, moving her attention to Dana, decide yet?
Flustered now, Dana frantically looks for something to order, Ah, okay, umm how about the Original Grand Slam – is that any good?

The waitress stares at Dana blankly before responding, Superb, its the chefs specialty. A smirky smile bends her tightly pursed lips as she glances back at the nineteen year old cook behind the counter.

When did you stop serving the Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity? Alices voice sounding a little panicked.

Staring back at Alice, Sweetheart, IHOP, I-H-O-P, IHOP. Tapping her pencil on the stack of menus, you might want to do what she did, stabbing her pencil in Danas direction, take a look at the menu.

Turning toward Shane, And you honey, whatre you havin?

Nah, nothin Im good with just the coffee. Shane picks up her cup and sips while watching Alice scan the menu.

A long minute later, Alice looks up from the menu startled as the waitress continues to stare down at her. Squaring up and smiling wickedly, Farmer Slam, Grand Slam everywhere a Slim Slam… But still no reaction, Okay then, why dont you have Mel back there toss a couple blowout patches on a plate, add a crowd of zeppelins, a few Pittsburghed shingles and flop two The waitress raises her eyebrows, You got it Pippy as she walks away toward the kitchen she yells out, Two Grand Slams Jose.

Shane dips her head in an effort to not laugh after seeing Alices face contort at being called Pippy.

Dana looks at Alice in amazement, about to ask what the ***** shed just said to the waitress, when Alice spouts loudly, Jesus, what is this Dennys of the Living Dead? Lowering her voice again, Okay! Alice shifts coffee cups out of the way and lays the drawings and notes back on the table, Shane, when is your roommate getting back?

I dont know Al, some time next week.

Perfect! Then shell never know its gone. And of course well clean it up before returning it, otherwise that would just be rude returning it all sticky and gooey – gross!

Dana, whipped cream, thats your job. We need several cans – like three or four or more.

Al, Shane begins, I dont know man, Im not sure this is such a good idea? I mean, if the cops dont catch us, Bette might and I definitely dont want the wrath of Porter coming down on me.

Dana nods her head in agreement.

Alice shoots a glare across the table quieting both ladies, No way, youre in this all the way you two. Were taking down Ms. Tall, Dark and Pain in the *****. Were clipping her wings baby! Shell never know what hit her cause I fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee. BAM! The Hammer, AKA Alice is coming down!

Alice notices Shane looking past her; she turns to find the zombie waitress from ***** standing next to her holding their plates, Here ya go Pippy. As she drops the plates of pancakes, sausage, toast and eggs on top of Alices plans spread out infront of them, before quickly moving away.

Dana stares at her plate before looking up at Alice, Jesus, now I know why everything is a Slam around here.
~*~
Thirty minutes later, Alice and Shane wait in Alices car outside a West Hollywood grocery store, pretty soon Dana comes running out with a bag full of whipped cream and a rainbow colored ski mask, which she is waiving proudly above her head in triumph. She jumps into the car, What the ***** is that? Alice demands.

A ski mask Al, you asked for one earlier – remember?

As Alice throws the car into gear and peels out of the parking lot, Christ Dana, I was thinking more on the lines of the MOD Squad, not the ***** Squad!
Down shifting, she takes the corner sharply, Here we go gang – youre all mine Porter!