I turn to see Alices boardthe matrix of all our lives. Approaching it, I see Tinas name. Tracing the line from her name, I find my own. There it is, staring back at mea line leading, roughly written, from my name toCandace. I turn back to Alice. She stands there, not saying a word, arms crossed in anger. What did she tell you? I fell like screaming. I have to get rid of it. I look for somethinganything to erase it. I put my hand over the extra line and name and begin rubbing. Any hint of what I did has to be erased. I cant let Tina see all this. I have to make it all go away. I turn my hand over to reveal the inkmy palm is covered with the sign of my own infidelity. I turn around and find myself sitting on the floormy back against the shelves. Placing my head in my other hand I sit therestaring at the black mark on my handthe mark on my hearton my life. I begin to sob uncontrollably.

Why have I done this? I find no answer to justify my actions.

Bette, honey, Alice says, now kneeling beside me. You have to figure this out on your own. And in the mean time, you need to give Tina some spaceand some time. I dont know if shell ever be able to forgive you. I dont know if I can forgive you.

Looking up quickly, I startle her. Tears still running down my cheeks I say, I dont know if I can forgive myself.

I rise to my feet and walk toward the hall. Remembering the ring, I turn around and remove it from my pocket. Can you give this to her, I hand the ring to Alice, when you think shes ready for it? With that, I turn to leave.

Where can I go? I need to think. First I have to go back to the house. I need to clean upin case Tina comes home. I dont want her to think about last night. The decision made, I hurry home to clean. I rush towards the bedroom throwing the days mail on the dining room table. I enter the room and go straight to the night stand. Carefully carrying the silver frame to the kitchen I dont want to spill the glassI place it on the table. Sitting down, I remove the backing and photo. Oh, noits scratched. That must have happened when the glass broke. I hope I didnt just do that. I gently lay the photo on the corner of the table and remove all the broken glass. Ill go get some new glass later. I think we have some at the CAC, left from the Provocations renovations. I place the photo and the backing into the empty frame and place it on the counter. Looking at the photo one more time, I can see the love in Tinas eyes. Her smile reflected in every aspect of her face. God, I miss her already. Almost placing my hand on my forehead, I notice the black mark. Before I go any further, I need to wash my hands.

Turning to the sink I turn on the water. The ink runs off easilyalmost without the aid of soap. But I can still see a black mark. Its in the crevices of my handthe folds of my palm, the valleys of my finger prints. Get it off! I begin to scrubits no use. I look around, frantically searching for something to clean her offI have to get her name off my handI cant let it stay there. I pick up a scouring pad and begin to work. Its still there. Rubbing my hand raw, I feel the painbut the mark is still there.

RRRRIIIIIIINNNNNGG. The phone startles me. I turn off the water. Riiiiinnnnngg. Picking up a towel I dry my hands go to the phone.

Hello?

Bette, I hear James. I came in to the CAC this morningyou know, to see some of the feedback. It looks like last night was an amazing success. You and Tina must be beside yourselves. His voice excitedly continued. Tinas not beside mebut I AM beside myself with grief. I dont care about Provocationsthats what started this downward spiral. BetteBette, are you there?

What? Uh, yes, JamesIm here. Ill stop by the Center later today to check on things.

Okay, he says, oblivious of the ***** I find myself in, Ill see you later.

I hang up the phone and return to the task at hand. Entering the bedroom, I pick up Tinas dress and boots. I place the boots in the closet and drop the dress into the wastebasket. I strip the sheets off the bed and toss them in the laundry basket. Then I open the linen closet and find a clean set. I begin to make the bed and realize that I havent done this in a long time. Tina usually makes the bedafter Im gone. I havent made the bed at least since she quit her jobher careerher only outlet aside from us. God, she gave up so much for mefor usto start a family. And what did I do? I threw it all away. Shell never forgive meand I dont blame her. STOP IT! Get a grip Bette Porter. Shes a better person than you. Shell forgive youeventually. Right now, you have to stay on track. Finish making the bed and make sure theres no glass on the floor. Then you can go put the laundry in the wash and take out the trash. All evidence of what transpired last night needs to be erased from view. Tina cant walk in here and be reminded about itand she WILL walk in here. If not for anything else than to pick up a change of clothes. Ill just go put these sheets in to wash and read the newspaper while I wait.

BUUUZZZZZZZ! The dryer screams at me. I quickly, but awkwardly fold the sheets and carry them to the linen closet. Placing them in their rightful place, I turn to the living room. I grab my keys and head out the dooron my way to the CAC.

To Be Continued…