I kissed you that day because I was attracted to youI hadnt been with anyone in awhileand there you were.

But I told you I couldnt do it.

I knowthats when I backed off a little. I tried so hard in that jail cell, but you broke my willI wanted so much to touch you, but I held back. I didnt want to do anything youor I would regret. Then you got into my car

I knowI saw you pull in and I just couldnt stay away from you anymore. I needed to know if there was something between us. I mean, I love Tinatheres no question, but I was just so lustful toward you. It was like you understood me. Like you knew I couldnt be in control anymore. I felt like Tina just couldnt understand what I was going through. She was basking in the glory of impending motherhoodall the while, I was doubting my own ability to be a parent. I was losing controlgood parentsgood providersdont lose control. Then when we lost the babyI wish I could have just erased all the painbut I couldnt. It tortured me to see her hurting that waybut I couldnt grieveI couldnt show weaknessI had to be strong for Tinamy love wasnt enoughI had to be strong. Then she let go so easilyshe seemed so happy going to Palm SpringsI just wanted to break downI just wanted to feel numb to the pain. When you kissed me my mind went blankmy body went numbif only for that momentI didnt have any more pain.

Listen, Im sorry for what happened with you and TinaI never wanted to cause the breakup of your relationshipthats why I paid at the bed and breakfast. I think its obvious by the way were sitting here that neither one of us feels the same way we did. Were sitting here talkingable to keep our hands off one anotherand I dont know about you, but my mind hasnt been thinking of ***** the entire timelike it used to when I was around you. Im sitting here listening to her speak, knowing that everything she says is true. I dont have feeling for Candaceand I never did. I just wish I could have figured it out sooner.