When Bette decided she needed to take a leave of absence she first talked to CAC Board Member Xandra Rosenman, as she had always been such an avid supporter of Bettes. Not to mention the fact that she had saved her ***** on more than one occasion. Without Bette going into major details, Xandra could see that Bette was going through an extremely emotional time. Xandra was so moved by Bette obvious anguish that she offered her their cabin in the San Bernardino Mountains for as long as she needed. Besides after pulling off Provocations and putting up with Franklin, Xandra believed that Bette deserved an extended leave.

Bette was quick to both accept and thank Xandra for her kindness. She did however request that Xandra keep her whereabouts strictly between the two of them. Xandra was more than happy to oblige. She hoped that Bette would be able to pull things together and get back to her job at the CAC.

Bette couldnt have picked a more perfect place. She was so glad that Xandra had been so kind. The cabin was close enough to LA incase of an emergency and at the same time it was far enough away for Bette to be able to do the soul searching she needed to do. Bette settled in at the cabin very easily as it was astonishingly peaceful there. Her only contact to the outside world was a small grocery store about 15 miles away. It was also the nearest place to find a phone.

The first few weeks all Bette seemed to do was sleep. It was unbelievable how exhausted and run down she had let herself become as a result of all the stress that seemed to besiege her life. This is exactly what she had needed in order to concentrate on her own life and figure out where she would go from here. Bette had surprisingly, even been able to keep thoughts of Tina to a minimum. Maybe this would be easier than she had originally thought. Was she finally at a point where she could possibly get past all of this, or was it just because she hadnt allowed herself any reminders of her past life? After all, her intentions were to try and forget the existence of the last seven years. Her future survival depended on it. She thought that if she could dissociate with Tina, then she could dissociate with the pain that seemed to have taken up residence deep in her soul.

She spent her days probing into her life. She scrutinized every detail, her accomplishments, her failures, her regrets, her past, her future. She stayed intently focused on her life and her life alone, immediately shutting down any thoughts that might give way to anyone but herself. Particularly thoughts of Tina, they were just not allowable anymore. She could do this. She could get her life back together if she just stayed focused. And that is exactly what she did. Time went by quickly as she focused on the restoration of one strong and confident, Bette Porter.

As she got up one morning and looked at the calendar, she couldnt believe she had been there for practically three months. However, she felt the time that she had spent there was paying off. She was truly beginning to believe that she could do this. She could have a life without Tina. She could move forward and be happy. After all, Tina had. She felt as though things were moving along better than she could have ever hoped. Was she ready for the test? The one test that would show her the progress that she had made. She was confident that she was ready. Yes, she could do this. After all, she had come a long way over the past few months.

She went over to her suitcase and slowly opened it up. She reached in to take out the one thing that she had left unpacked, a picture of Tina. She ever so slowly turned the picture over to look at it, desperately hoping that her dissociation process had worked. So much for dissociation. As soon as Bette saw Tinas face she was instantly reduced to tears as wave after wave of emotion went crashing through her like a raging storm. With picture in hand, she went over and curled up on the bed and cried like a baby for what seemed like hours. Stopping only upon sheer exhaustion. How foolish she had been to think this was going to be that easy. Who was she kidding? She needed a new game plan. Shutting Tina out had obviously not been the right approach. What was she going to do? She had to get her life together. She had to find a way to move on.

She thought a short drive would do her good so she decided to go down to the little grocery store. She needed to pick up a few things anyway. The drive was exactly what she had needed. It seemed to calm her and helped her refocus. She even felt that she could give Kit a quick call just to let her know she was okay. Once at the store she quickly gathered the items she needed. After getting things loaded in the car she walked over to the pay phone. She teetered back and forth on whether to make the call and finally gave in. She took a deep breath and dialed the Planet. After a couple rings, the phone is answered.

Kit: The Planet, Kit Porter speaking.

As soon as Bette hears Kits voice she freezes. Suddenly she thinks this is not such a good idea. That she should have waited just a little longer. She hears Kit again.

Kit: Hello, is someone there. I know someone is there I can hear you. Who is this?

Kit pauses briefly.

Kit: Baby sis, is that you? Please tell me that it is you. We have been so worried about you.

Bette freaks and immediately hangs up the phone. She was not ready to reconnect to her old life. She needed more time. She got in the car and drove back to the cabin, wondering if things would ever get easier. She spent the drive back thinking of a new plan. She had to figure out something that could help her move forward. She finally decided that there were certain things she just needed to accept . She would start there. She began to make herself a list.

I need to accept the fact that Tina cannot forgive me.
I need to accept the fact that Tina doesnt want to see me or talk to me.
I need to accept the fact that Tina has moved on with her life.
I need to accept the fact that Tina doesnt want me to be a part of her childs life.
I need to accept the fact that Tina is no longer part of my life.

Once she had the list completed she wrote out several copies of it and placed them strategically around the cabin. Now, no matter where she was at or what she was doing, she would be able to see a copy of her list. She would repeat it over and over until she had it drilled into her head. Her hope was that once she forced herself to truly accept these things that she would be able to move forward. For the following week she repeatedly focused on accepting everything on her list. By the end of the week she felt she had made progress. She could now look at Tinas picture without falling to pieces. It saddened her to know that she was no longer part of her life, but she wasnt devastated by it anymore.

She felt that maybe it was time to give Kit another call. She wouldnt chicken out this time. It would just be a quick call to see if everything was okay. She could do that. She once again headed off to the pay phone. Back at the Planet. Kit is in her office going through some paperwork when the phone rings. Kit picks it up.

Kit: The Planet, Kit Porter speaking.

There was a long pause and then finally Bette speaks.

Bette: Hey Kit.

Kit: Oh my God, Baby Sis, is that really you, we have been so worried about you. Where are you girl? You need to get your ***** back home.

Hearing Kits words got Bette off task. Home, where was her home. She didnt have a home anymore. Would she ever have a real home again, a home like her and Tina had once had? She stopped herself, knowing that she could not let her thoughts go in that direction.

Bette: Listen Kit, I know I should have talked to you before I left, but you would have just tried to talk me into staying and I really needed this time by myself to put my life back together. I am not quite where I need to be yet, but I wanted to let you know I am okay. The other thing I need from you is to answer a few questions for me. I need you to keep the answers simple. A yes, no, or I dont know is all I am ready to hear right now. Can you do that for me Kit?

Kit: Baby Sis, you know I would do anything for you. But you need to stop shutting everybody out. You dont have to do everything on your own you know. There are people here that love you and want to help you through all this mess. If you werent so God damn bullheaded

Bette interrupts Kit.

Bette: Stop Kit. Dont even start down that road or I am hanging up right now. I dont have the energy to go around with you. This hasnt been easy on me you know. This breakup with Tina has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. I know I have only myself to blame. But I also know that I am the one that has to make sense of the havoc I have created. That is the only way I am going to ever have a chance to get my life back. This has not only affected my personal life, but my professional life as well. Things were getting so bad at the CAC that if someone just looked at me the wrong way I would bite their head off. I couldnt continue on the destructive path I was on Kit. If I had, God knows Id probably be six feet under right now. Ive got to do this my way Kit. Ive got to get some semblance of my life back so that I can move forward.

Kit: Okay, Sis, but you really need to talk to Tina.

Bette quickly gets defensive.

Bette: I cannot do that Kit. I made her a promise to leave her alone and I will not break another promise to her ever again.

Kit: Bette, just hear me out.

Bette: No Kit. I called to let you know Im okay and to get some questions answered. That is as far as this discussion is going to go. Now can you do that for me or not.

Kit knowing how stubborn Bette could be knew there was no use to argue with her, but just maybe she could get some information out of her.

Kit: If I answer your questions, will you answer mine?

Bette: I will try Kit, okay, that is the best I can do.

Kit: What is it you want to know, Baby Sis?

Bette: Do you still have the opportunity to see Tina?

Kit: Of course I do Bette, after all Tina is not the one who ran away, now is she?

Bette: Kit, why do have to make this more difficult for me? You say you want to help me. Did you truly mean that? If so, could you please just answer a simple yes or no? I dont

Kit senses Bettes pain and frustration in her voice and doesnt want their conversation to be ended abruptly as she still wants to get answers to her questions so she quickly apologizes to Bette.

Kit: I am sorry Bette. Please, what else is it that you want to know?

Bette: Has Tina had the baby yet?

Kit: No Bette, she is not due for another 3 weeks.

Bette lets Kit slide on her expanded answer as she was happy to at least know when the baby was due.

Bette: Is she healthy, Kit? Are her and the baby okay?

Kit pauses to think on how she should answer. Bette quickly reinforces what the form of the answer is to be.

Bette: I am just needing a simple yes or no here Kit. Remember, no elaboration.

Kit answers, getting slightly frustrated with Bette.

Kit: Fine Bette, have it your way. Yes, they are both okay.

Bette is relieved to hear that they are both okay. That is really all she wanted to know.

Bette: Thank you Kit. I really should be going now. Ill try to be in touch.

Kit: Just hold on one God damn minute. You are not getting off that easy, Baby Sis. I havent asked my questions yet.

Bette: Okay Kit. Im not making any guarantees here, but I will try to answer your questions as long as they have nothing to due with any issues evolving around Tina. Tina must be kept completely out of this. Kit thought to herself, she should have known there would be a catch. So she thought very carefully about what the most important information was that she needed to get out of Bette.

Kit: Where are you Bette?

Bette: Kit, you know I cant tell you that. I need this time to myself. Just trust me, okay. This is the best thing for me right know.

Kit: Are you by yourself?

Bette: What the ***** kind of question is that? Of course I am by myself. Have you not heard anything that I have said to you? I am trying to put my life back together. Do you really think involving another person in the chaos that I have created would help me accomplish that.

Kit: Okay, Bette. I am sorry. Look, its just that I have idea where your head is at and I am just concerned for you. Is there a way I can get in touch with you if I need to?

Bette: I will keep in touch with you Kit. Sorry, but thats the way it has to be for now.

Kit: Do you eventually plan on coming home, Bette?

Bette: Well, that is a tough one Kit. Because I am not sure where home is right now. That is something I am still working on.

Kit: Your home is here Bette. It will always be here. You know that.

Bette: There are a lot of things I dont know anymore, but I am working on figuring them out. Look Kit, I really need to get going. I will be in touch. Thanks, Kit. And before Kit could say another word, the call was ended.