Tina: Oh my God! What have I done? I should have talked to her. Instead, I just kept shutting her out, pushing her farther and farther away. This is not what I wanted. This is now how things were supposed to go. God, what have I done. I have to find her. You guys have to help me find her. Ive got to find her before she

Tina begins crying uncontrollably.

Alice: before she what Tina? Youre starting to scare me. Oh my God, Tina! Are you saying you think Bette will try to hurt herself?

Tina: No Alice, its much worse than that. She.

Tina starts crying again and doesnt finish.

Alice: Come on Tina. She what?

As Tina continues to cry Kit steps in and speaks. She is the only other one in the room besides Tina that knows Bette well enough to see what is coming.

Kit: She will build a God damn wall around her so high that none of us will be able to reach her. She will shut us all out. When she doesnt want to deal with something, she wraps it up in a neat package, puts it aside and lives as though it never existed. *****, she is a pro a it.

Kit new she could do it. She knew this first hand, as it was exactly the same way Bette had handled dealing with her own mother. Tina is sobbing hysterically. Kit walks over to her and wraps her arm around her.

Kit: Baby girl, dont cry. We will find her. Everything will be okay. Well get this mess straightened out.

Kit tries to reassure Tina. But she has her doubts as she speaks the words. She knows her baby sis well enough to know that if she doesnt want to be found, than it will be one ***** of a difficult task to find her. Tina looks up at Kit. Stopping the tears for just a brief moment.

Tina: She has already begun Kit, You saw her. You saw how she shut down her emotions as she told me goodbye. *****, she told us all goodbye. Oh my God Kit. What have I done? How did I let us get here? Ive got to go to the house. Ive got to figure out where she is. I have to talk to her. I need to talk to her.

Tina gets up and grabs her keys. Alice takes her by the hand.

Alice: Tina, let me drive. I really dont think you should be driving right now.

Tina doesnt put up a fight. She just wants to get to the house as quickly as possible. The girls all agree to go and help look for some hint as to where Bette might have gone. Tina regains her composure as they drive. The girls all seem to be in shock. They hadnt even processed all of what Bette had said and now Tina was spinning. They just hoped like ***** that they would all make it through this day.

When they get to the house, Tinas tears began to flow again. It has been well over a month since she has been here and she has so many emotions running through her. Tina digs through her purse to find the keys. She opens the door to be greeted with a pile of mail on the floor. The house is dark, stale and cold, not at all like the home she had lived in, the home she had made for her and Bette. As she looks around everything seems to be in its place. She notices some missing artwork and remembers what Bette had said on the tape.

I cashed in all of our investments, as well as some of the artwork. After paying off the house and setting up a trust fund for the baby, I split what was left. This should get you by for sometime.

Kit: Baby girl, are you okay?

Kits voice brings her back from her thoughts.

Tina: Huh, I mean yeah. Its just that everything still seems in its place, except for some of the art pieces.

Tina looks around taking everything in, then suddenly begins to cry. Alice wraps her arms around her.

Alice: Tina, dont cry. Everything is going to be okay. Well figure something out.

Tina: I dont believe it.

As Tina looks around she sees that Bette had been particularly selective in choosing which pieces she sold.

Alice: Whats a matter Tina? What dont you believe?

Tina: I cant believeBette.I cant believe she left all my favorite pieces, the ones she knew I loved. She could have sold whatever she wanted, but she choose to leave the ones she knew meant something to me.

The reporter takes over in Alice. She needs to get Tina back to the task at hand. If they were going to have any chance to find Bette, they needed to get busy looking for clues.

Alice: Come on Tina. We need to focus here. Remember, our purpose. We need to be looking for something that will lead us to Bette. You need to help us here. Where should we be looking?

Tina: Alice, look around. There is nothing. Everything is exactly where it has always been. Nothing is out of place. There are no notes, no papers, nothing lying around that is going to help us.

Tina sadly looks around the house that was once filled with so much love. Her mind drifts for a moment to happier times. She sees Bettes face, her beautiful smile. How that smile could make her heart flutter. She hears her laugh, the one that would always melt her heart. Would she ever see that breathtaking smile again? Would she ever hear that wonderful sound again? The sound of Alices voice rattles her from her thoughts.

Alice: We should check the bedroom Tina. Maybe there is something in there. Can you go in there or do you want me to look for you?

Tina: Its okay Alice. I can go. Actually, I need to go in there.

Alice and Tina walk back to the bedroom as Dana, Shane and Kit look around the rest of the house. Tina opens the bedroom door and they go in. Tina begins to cry as she looks around the room. She can still smell Bettes presence. Oh how she has longed for that smell over the past few months. Her mind again drifts back to happier times. They had shared so much love in this room. So many passion filled, sleepless nights. So many hours of just holding each other, making each other feel so safe and loved. How could she have ever thought that she could be happy without this woman. Bette was a part of her. A part that she will be lost without. She looks around the bedroom, taking everything in. Then looks back at Alice.

Tina: Alice, this is not like Bette. Look, she left her laptop, her cell phone. Why would she leave these? They are like her lifeline, ***** they were extensions to her. She never went anywhere without them.

Tina didnt need Alice to answer. She knew exactly what Bette was doing. She had no intention of communicating with anyone. She was leaving behind every trace of a life that she had so regrettable fucked up and had tried her best, but wasnt given the chance to repair. Tina knew she left the laptop and her cell phone as a sign to let her know that she was sincere in what she said. Bettes words once again playback in Tinas mind.

I want you to know that I will do as you have asked and stay out of your life. Although it will break my heart, that is the least I can do for you. Besides, I am not strong enough to keep fighting you on this. It hurts to much each time you shut me down.

Alice: Whats wrong Tina?

Alices voice once again snaps Tina back from Bettes words playing in her mind.

Tina: She is doing it Al. She is shutting me out. She has no intention to be in touch. She said her goodbyes on the tape. We are not going to find anything here that will lead us to her. She does not want to be found. God knows where she is now or what she is doing.

Feeling defeated, Tina walks back out to where the rest of the girls are. She desperately looks over at Kit.

Tina: She left her laptop and her cell phone Kit. She doesnt want us to be able to get in touch with her. What am I going to do? Kit you have to think. Where would she go? How do we find her? There has to be somewhere she would go. Do you think she would go to your fathers?

Kit: Tina, you have to slow down girl. You know how stubborn and foolish Bette can be when she sets her mind to something. I cant think of any place that she would go. But I can tell you there is no way in ***** that she went to Melvins. She would not subject herself to his criticism. I dont think she is strong enough to deal with him right now. These last few months have taken a lot out of her. But dont worry, I do now one thing for sure and that is that Bette Porter loves you more than she loves her own life. Sooner or later she will call She may be able to put the rest of us in that neat little box and stick us on a shelf, but there is no way on Gods green earth that she is going to be able to keep you and the baby there. I dont think she took into consideration the depth of her love for you in this little plan of hers.

Tina doesnt know what to think anymore. She just knows that this day has been emotionally exhausting and she needs some time to sort through her thoughts.

Tina: Guys, thanks for everything today. I dont know what I would have done without you, but I could really use some time alone right now. Its been one ***** of a day.

Alice: Tina, I dont think that is such a good idea. Youve been through a lot today. I really dont think you should be alone right now.

Kit: Alice, its okay. You guys can go ahead and leave. I will stay here with Tina.

Kit looks at Tina as if asking if that would be okay. Tina smiles at Kit.

Tina: Its okay guys. Kit will keep my company. I just really need some time to take all this in. Ill be okay. I check in with you all later.

Alice, Dana and Shane all give Tina a hug and say there goodbyes. They tell to call if she needs anything.

Kit: Tina, if you need to talk, I am here for you. That was a lot of deep ***** that Bette unloaded on us today. Especially on you.

Tina: Why do we keep doing this to each other, Kit? First I push her away. Now she is pushing me away. Why do we keep hurting each other?

Kit: I dont know baby girl. People do crazy things when they are hurting. I cant imagine how either one of you must be feeling right now.

Tina: You know what Kit? I dont know how I feel right now. At first I just wanted to be pissed at her. Why couldnt she have just expressed her feelings to me? And then I think back and remember things as she was talking about them and I realize that I am guilty of the same thing. There were so many things going on inside of me and I never shared them with her either. And even though she wants to take sole responsibility for what happened between us, shes not. There were two of us in this relationship and I failed her just as much as she failed me, if not more so. When we were both working, we used to both come home drained and bitchy, but then that would immediately go away as we were just there for each other. We were content just having each other. We supported each other, leaned on each other, loved each other.

After I quit work, I let myself forget how draining a workday could be. Instead of being understanding, and just giving Bette that little bit of time she needed to unwind, which she eventually always would, I began to take things personally. When she came home bitchy, or late I would take it as an intentional choice to hurt me. I would let those feelings fester within me until I figured out a suitable punishment, which I more than willingly dished out to her. I knew how vulnerable she could be and I played on those weaknesses. Out of everything she did, I honestly do not believe that it was ever intentional. And she was always so quick to apologize and make things up to me. However, I cant say the same thing for myself. The punishment I dished out, the penance I made her pay were all very intentional, very calculated on my part. What does that say about me? I am the real monster here.

Kit: Tina, dont say that. Okay, so you both share responsibility in this. I dont think you need to be weighing who was the worst monster. There was a lot of things going on then. Wanting to have a baby, that takes a big toll in peoples lives. It changes so much.

Tina: Oh, yeah. Lets not forget, the Tina has to get pregnant mission. I was so intent on getting pregnant, that I didnt even consider what Bettes feelings must have been. I look back now and after listening to her I can see how hard she was trying, needing to feel part of the pregnancy. I was so busy thinking about myself that I had no idea of the turmoil she was in. I even had the gull to question whether or not she even really wanted the baby. I cant believe that I allowed myself to get so focused on the job at hand, that I did not see the toll that this was taking on Bette. I never took the time to realize that she felt left out. I thought of one thing and one thing only. I wanted to have a baby. I needed to get pregnant. I never even thought of how she must have felt. I never understood that she was lacking a connection. I see now how much she must have been hurt as I focused so much on the pregnancy that I failed to focus on us. I failed to let her know how important she was to me. How happy I was to be doing this with her. I could have helped close the gap that she was feeling. I could have made her feel connected. I just didnt. I was to wrapped up into myself and the baby.

Kit: Tina, dont be so hard on yourself. I know how Bette can be and I know that it wasnt always a picnic to live with her. You are still reeling from everything you heard her say today. You need to give yourself some time and sort out how you really feel.


Tina: Kit, I dont have time to figure out how I feel right now. I need to figure out where Bette is.