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    Bette’s Loss and Gain (Part Six)

    “What are you talking about?  What’s going on?”

     

    A few tears began to fall from her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.  She didn’t want to be an emotional mess in front of him.  She needed to be strong now because she was still uncertain that this was the right decision.  It was possible that Ash could still talk her out of it.  Bette cleared her throat.  “I’m sorry, Ash.  I know that you’ve got our future in mind, that you have a plan…”

     

    “We have a plan.  We have a plan together.”

     

    “It’s just that some things have changed for me.  I can’t commit to you.  I’m not ready to be a wife.”

     

    “Okay,” Ash pulled back toward the other end of the bench and curled his right leg up between them.  He leaned toward her, lightly touched her parka covered shoulder.  “Okay.  Bette, we don’t have to rush into it.  You want to put it off a year or two?  That’s fine.  We can wait until you’re finished with B-School and I’m out of grad school.  We weren’t planning on having kids right away.  There’s no need to panic and make some rash decision because you aren’t looking at other options.  Let’s pull back and look.  All right?”  He scooted closer to her, but when she shook her head again, he understood that the problem went deeper.

     

    “I want something else.”

     

    “What’s that mean?”  He blinked several times as he nervously rubbed his index and middle fingers over his cheek, his chin, his eye.  “I have no idea what that means.”

     

    “You know that woman I told you about?  Gail Sturges, the Ph.D. student from Columbia?”

     

    “Right,” Ash said tightly.  “We were going to fix her up with Tony.”

     

    “She doesn’t want to be fixed up.  The thing is Ash, I want her.”

     

    “What the ***** are you talking about?”  He stood and she looked at him with terror in her eyes, but the terror wasn’t about him. 

     

    “I want to be with her.  I fell in love with her.”

     

    “You have got to be ***** kidding me.  You’re joking, right?”

     

    She shook her head.  “I’m sorry.  I am painfully aware that you had your heart set on us…”

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