“Shane…” Her voice was shaky.

“You’re never going to forgive me… are you?” She asked me. Jesus, I was not ready for that question. I dint answer her instead I looked somewhere else. I couldn’t bear to look at her and to tell her the truth. How I really felt…

“Please… say something…” She said. She reached her hand onto mine and I pulled away.

“Shane… I’m so sorry…” She said again.

I don’t know what it was but I felt this swoosh of anger appearing in me. My breathing was getting heavy. She was still looking at me and I had my hands with me. I didn’t want to look at her. I didn’t want to be near her. I was in a pure state of hate. I hated her.

“Carmen… I-I think you should leave…” I said bitterly. I blew off what Alice said to me earlier. She had her time to cry and now it’s her time to leave.

“Shane please!… I- I can’t lose you too…” She said to me.

“Don’t… Don’t do this Carmen… you’ve lost me, a long time ago….” I said.

“How can you say that to me?? I need you right now…” She said.

“You have your new girlfriend… she can comfort you…” God, what I bitch I was.

“This is not about who we’re with Shane!” She said.

“Then what the hell is it about Carmen?! Tell me, what do you really need me for?! I don’t have anything that you need!!” I said loudly, letting my anger out.

“We both lost her… and that is that…” I said trying hard to hold in my tears. “It fucking hurts… I’m feeling it too… but we can’t bring her back, can we?” I said to her. She looked at me even more hurt.

“Can you tell me one thing…” She started. “I’ll leave you alone after this… and I want you to tell me the truth… do you have it in your heart, to ever forgive me? Even it takes twenty years or till the day that I die… will you forgive me?” She asked.

She stood up and grabbed her bag, ready to make her move after my answer. I looked at her with tears brimming and my hands on my hips. It took me a while to answer her but I did and I told her the honest truth.

“No…” I said. “I can never forgive you for what you did and for what has happened…” I stopped and sighed. “I can never forgive you… because… I have loved you dearly but you have brought me so much pain…” I said to her. “I can never forgive you because… of you… we lost Lily… and I hate to say it to you… maybe I’m just being a selfish asshole right now, maybe I just need someone to blame… but Carmen… I can never forgive you…” I said. And that was the truth.

She averts her eyes away from me and nodded a few times. She started to turn around and head towards the door.

The door closed and her image was gone. I felt a hand on my stomach and soon I felt Alice’s hug on me. I still have my hands on my hips and my eyes are still on the door. All my fucking life I’ve sacrificed my self for other people.  Did I say the right thing? Should I have told her the truth? Should I’ve been nicer? All those questions were playing in my head. I felt terrible but I couldn’t lie to her. I just couldn’t.

Yes, I can never forgive her. There’s no room in my heart left to forgive her. I’ve forgiven her enough. It’ll take a miracle for me to forgive but even then I’ll doubt it. In my deepest of heart though… I wish I could.

Tbc…. whaddaya think guys?