With the mom thought… Tina couldn’t help but to be defeated.

Eric, for sure would provide a merrier ending for everyone… his family… my family… if I were to break up with him and to be with Bette, count the number of hearts that I’m going to break, and the question is, can I be really happy with Bette? I barely know her… I couldn’t help but let out a silent sigh of defeat. I could just love Bette secretly… oh scrub that, I should maintain Bette and my friendship… and remember… Eric is my boyfriend… and that leads to… should I move in with him?

Without realization, both of them were holding hand and rubbing on each other’s hand… for a very long time… afraid of letting go… but still… they have to.

Chapter 8

Friends… ah, that’s what people do… giving themselves excuses of becoming friends when actually they like the other person… to give themselves excuses of protecting themselves from heart breaking… but… what they don’t know is that the other person will gladly and genuinely take care and protect their heart better.

Protecting their heart themselves = set in a cage to prevail it from any harm… no freedom… they’re hurting themselves even more… suffocating themselves… causing regret… left only ‘friends’ memories… dreams that could never come true…

Bette

“Say it you like girls…” I sounded kidding but actually trying to dig into her… she is so hard to be opened up sometimes… I need to get her to admit at least she has a little bit of ‘fantasy’ for girls.

“I still like guys you know…” Ouch… a stab in the heart… that was my fourth attempt to get her to admit at least she is interested… even a little bit… in girls… but… *sigh*… I was pretty defeated and better don’t push her any farther… should just pull her close… as… friends…

Tina

I don’t want to lie to her…

“I still like guys you know…” I like girls too… or specifically the one prompting me with this sexuality questioning question. But it is just so hard to have to admit it… when I myself sometimes am denying that feelings towards girls… I tend to brush it off and build walls around my heart when it comes to feelings towards same sex…

Seeing Bette recovering well and quickly make me glad… but at the same time… my heart is clenching tighter at her recovering… starting to have the effect upon our depart… she’s going home… will I be able to see her again? But most of all… are we going to be as close as we are?

We talk about almost everything… which of course some too sensitive topics are off of discussion. It actually feels so good… like we were friends long before we ever met… in another time… in another place that neither of us can remember, but I can feel it… she’s my soul mate that everyone could ever ask for…

“Bette, are we going to be this close when you’re out of here? You know with your work and mine… I will sure miss this late night conversations with you…” Tina said that while stroking Bette’s hand absent minded.

Bette

Seeing her all so sad… I couldn’t help but feel sad too… it feels so surreal that I’m going home… this place has actually becoming my home… what? A hospital as home? Frankly it is much more comfortable than the apartment that I should be calling home… well *shrugs* Maybe it is more to because of the existence of this specific person…

She tends to open up more at nights… more vulnerable… and more lively in the day… she makes me… feel like wrapping her with my arms and kiss her pain and anything that worries her away…sooth her into slumbers at nights. On the other hand, during the day… well, she makes me all bubbling up.

She has the ability to lure me into deep slumber at nights after our ‘conversations’… after her magic hand massaging me and touching me to take away the pain from my wounds…

But… again it hit me that… number one… I might not be getting my eyesight back… two… She’s straight… well although my mind keep on telling me that, there were times when she actually gave me hints or even hope that she might be ‘interested’ in me or ‘like’ me… but in what way… of course I’m hoping for the mutual kind… more than friends kind of way… but… I better don’t put so much hope on this false thinking and feeling… and blame my mind for keep on deceiving me with these ‘lies’.

I’m getting pretty well with my touching senses… but it could get a bit too overloaded whenever there’s part of my body that is having some sort of contact with the cute nurse that is taking very well care of me. I am starting to gain my strength back… no longer needing assistance in taking my own bath, although I must admit that I do miss the ‘sponge bath’ on the bed.

2 days… I could finally get my eye sight back… oh wait… could I? I feel so insecure…

*Cough cough* choking on the water that I was drinking. Tina put down the glass of water and rubbed down Bette’s chest to sooth her coughing. But Bette gripped on Tina’s wrist and stopped her movement. Taking off the hand while continuing coughing…

Tina

I was taken back at first… and followed by hurt… but I just brushed it off like it was nothing.

Since then, it started to drawn to me that Bette withdrew her arms or herself abruptly whenever I tried to touch her or hold her to help her. I never did realise that I ‘touched’ her so many times each day. Never did she withdraw before this… am I actually making her uncomfortable?

Bette

I must put some distance between us… not to have any ‘hopes’ or ‘promises’ with her and I shouldn’t be staying this close with her… the closer… the greater responsibilities there would be… and more disappointments too… besides, we shouldn’t be continuing this and nothing good will come eventually if ‘this’ is to continue. But what is ‘this’?


*Author’s additional note:

There’s one part in the story I copied from a card frame that a friend of mine gave me years ago… it read:

Forever Friends

I think we were friends
long before we ever met~
in another time,
in another place
that neither of us can remember
but both of us can feel.
I think we were friends
from the very beginning of time,
and that we’ll remain
friends forever~
and then some.


;) Cheers to friendship~~