Chapter 2

"I am master and slave I am sunlight and shadow I am all roads to the river. I am lost, I am saved I am beloved and betrayed… And the river runs wide And the river runs deep And I spit in the eye of safe company, when I dive right down to the undertow the deeper I drown, the higher I go. I am whispering dreams I am howling revolution I am valentine sweet I am every mother’s nightmare I am all roads to the river. I dream of still water silent and clear, But I run for the thunder that’ll drown my fear." –Janis Ian

I pulled up to the airport feeling confident and cool.  I still hadn’t spoken to Tina.  An emotional war has been raging inside of me since I got her message.  It wasn’t until this morning that I actually made the decision to see her.  She was offering me an olive branch of sorts and knowing myself like I do, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself or begin to really move on if I never took the chance to put the past behind us and try to process everything that happened. 

Navigating through LAX was a logistical nightmare on the best of days and today was no exception.  Fortunately, a lucrative career in the art industry had provided me with extensive travel experience so locating the flight schedule was a fairly simple task.  I felt my pulse quicken as I checked the board and confirmed one 9am flight from Houston on time for arrival in thirty minutes at terminal 4.  Thankfully, I had plenty of time to make it before the flight landed. 

As I sat in the hard plastic chair waiting for the first sign of exiting passengers I wondered how it would be to see her again after all the months apart.  I was surprisingly calm in light of this impending reunion.  Then I caught a flash of blonde hair and my eyes locked with the hazel orbs of my dreams and at that moment I knew I was lost…I was eternally, irrevocably hers and all of those feelings returned, warning me of just how far I would go just for the pleasure of knowing her.  It seemed, if only for a moment, my feelings were reflected in her expression as her eyes lit up and a beaming smile spread across her face.  She slowly milled through the traffic of arriving passengers, alternating between looking at her carry-on and offering me shy smiles as she reached where I was standing.  She didn’t offer any words of greeting as she approached me.  She simply dropped her bag and wrapped her arms around me, leaning into me.  I was almost too conflicted to respond but the warmth of her body pressed into mine brought back a flood of emotions and I couldn’t resist returning the long overdue hug.  It felt incredible just to be near her again.  She nuzzled her nose into my hair as if she were breathing me in, then whispered, “I’ve missed you.”  I choked back tears at the simple phrase and replied, “I’ve missed you too…you have no idea.”  She pulled back to look into eyes and smiled, “I think I do, Bette.”  Rather than question her feelings this soon in our reunion, I chose to change the subject, “Where are you staying?”  She looked at me fondly and replied, “I’ll be staying at the Ritz-Carlton.”  With a curious expression I asked, “Wow on a Psychiatrist’s salary?”  She playfully nudged my shoulder, “Well we can’t all be making bank such as yourself, but the Ritz is hosting the conference and as these things are only once a year I thought I might indulge myself just the once.”  I laughed and held up my hands in submission, “Touché, so do you need a ride?”  She looked around briefly, “No, you don’t have to do that. I have a car waiting to pick me up.”  I took her hand in mine, “Nonsense, Tina, it would be my pleasure.  There’s no sense in hiring a car when I am here to offer you my services.”  She smiled bashfully, “Ok well I guess I should call and dismiss the driver.”  I took her carry-on and ushered her towards the baggage claim.