“To bread I do not ask to teach me but only not to lack during every day of life. I don’t know anything about light, from where it comes nor where it goes, I only want the light to light up, I do not ask to the night explanations, I wait for it and it envelops me, And so you, bread and light and shadow are. You came to my life with what you were bringing, made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you, and Like this I need you, Like this I love you.” –Pablo Neruda

The short walk back to Tina’s room, much like the remainder of our dinner, is a strained, almost tedious affair. I had felt myself begin to withdraw at the restaurant long before Tina completed her call from home. I suspected that she felt the distance I had put between us and understood its source. This is confirmed when we reach her room.

She fumbles with the key card, making a half-hearted effort to unlock the door. Finally, she halts all movement, closes her eyes, and turns to face me. I stand sullenly, unmoving.

"Bette. I’m sorry."

My eyes sweep over her saddened features, "Tina, you have no reason to be sorry. I understand that you have commitments in your life and none of those include me."

She blinks, a lone tear escaping down her cheek, "That’s not true. Don’t you see? Every time I visit you, call you, write to you. Those are promises I’m making to you. I know this…this…," she motions her hands through the space between us, "it’s not how we expected…not how I planned it would be…" I knew this, all of this. Why she feels it bears repeating, I’m sure I don’t know, but I do know I’m tired of hearing it so I change the subject, "How’s Maddie?"

She frowns, not getting the response she hoped for, "She’s fine. Why are you changing the subject?"

I bite the inside of my cheek, forcing a breath through my body, "Go home, Tina. Go home to your husband and daughter." I turn to walk towards the elevators when I feel her grab my shoulder and spin me around, "No you don’t get to do this. I’m trying to explain. Not that it will ever be enough, but I’m trying."