Chapter 5

What do you say, we take off these masks? It’s been long enough; we’ve loved like it’s a task. I’m in love with you, every inch of your soul. I want it all, night and day, whatever the toll. We’re not so far, from becoming distant strangers, our love, fragile and endangered. Let us lay the armor down, become what we could have. The way we used to be, but this time let us love like we should have. – Unknown

It has been two weeks since Tina’s departure.  She’s called as promised, several times actually, but I never answered.  I simply held my cell phone in my hand and fingered over the keys as her name flashed across the screen.  Sometimes, late at night when I’m home alone and the silence is deafening, I take my 18 year old bottle of single malt Scotch and sit by the pool, replaying all of her voicemail messages.  I try to imagine what she might be doing in that exact moment, and then I remember she leads a life that revolves around a marriage and a child…a life that doesn’t include me.  I laugh at the irony. I always thought things would be different; we were so in love.  Even if she was dating him to please her parents, it didn’t matter because I knew I was the one and we would work it out…always.  We were so young and stupid.  I pour another splash into my tumbler, raise it high, and salute the heavens.  We make plans and God laughs, indeed.  I toss the shot back and drink it all in one long draught.  Damn, it burns.

I’m only slightly inebriated when I hear my home phone ring.  Stumbling through the house, I’m hoping it might be Tina.  I make it, without incident, to the phone just in time to realize its quit ringing. I grab at the phone only to see Alice’s name on the identifier.  She, too, has called several times.  She’s probably wondering if I’m okay.  I’ve been living in this self-imposed isolation since I left Tina’s hotel room two weeks ago.  Alice and Tina were once close friends.  We all were back in college. I know she really misses, Tina as well, but she rarely mentions her. I feel that’s probably more out of respect for my feelings than anything else.  I know they still talk on occasion and I’m sure Alice has suspicions as to the current state of our relationship, mine and Tina’s that is, but for whatever reason she doesn’t ask.  Who knows, maybe Tina has told her about our little trysts over the years.  It would make sense.  Alice always seems to be the most understanding when I disappear from the group for several weeks at a time.  I place the phone back in its cradle.  I’ll call her back later. Besides, I’ve got pressing issues at work in the morning. I really should be trying to sleep.  I look down the hall towards the bedroom then over to the couch.  Finally, I settle for the path of least resistance. Pulling the throw off the arm of the sofa, I gingerly lie down and close my eyes.  She really has no idea how much this shit wrecks my life.