But seriously, I parked and was coming up to greet her and she strikes this ***** ridiculous and dramatic pose and is all, “Who is that girl? She can’t be my daughter! My daughter’s dead!”

“Oh, my God,” I said, carrying a suitcase from the car. “What are you doing that for?”

“Or she must be,” my mother finished with a haughty smile, “because she never calls.”

“I…” I made a face. “I called you last night.”

“Of course you called me! You were in trouble.”

“I wasn’t in trouble, Mom.”

“You call me in your times of crisis, it makes perfect sense.”

“Can you, like, stop auditioning and help me with some of the boxes?” I gestured back in the general direction of the car.

“Honey, I can’t lift things,” Mom said, leading me toward her unit. “I’m in training.” She opened the door for me.

“Okay, whatever that means.” I dropped my suitcase on the floor.

“Don’t scuff the hardwood.”

“I won’t. What do you mean by training? For the mini-series?”

“Yes, yes.” I followed her through the living room and dining room and out onto the terrace, where we sat in the lounge chairs and Mom lit a cigarette. “It’s a period piece, did I mention that? I have to play the weak debutante who’s prey to seduction.” She blew the smoke out imperiously and chuckled. “And I do mean play.”

I shook my head, but couldn’t help but smile at her. She stretched out on her lounge chair, putting her sunglasses on. “I’m not usually up this early, you know,” she said to me. “But I woke up just for you, and I think it’s a little healthier or something. I’ve only had three cups of coffee.”

“Oh, is that it?” I murmured.

“And the sun here is so… I haven’t put the air conditioner on once since I came back a few weeks ago. I’m telling you, it should be hot. They think it’s winter in New York 365 days of the year!” She laughed. “They don’t tell you what you’re getting in for.”

“How was New York?” I asked.

“Sweetie, they think that just because it’s off-off-Broadway, it must be experimental! How do you tell them that you’re just doing a regular play, that you’re not going to spread your legs for the audience and recite a monologue about the purification of your insides?”