“Shane we do a lot of things for money…but some things we do simply because we can’t turn away.”

She couldn’t turn away any more than Shane could. Shane had looked in those eyes and for the first time, felt emotions, longings, impossibilities that had suddenly seemed possible. Suddenly, there was a soft humming and Carmen was humming an offbeat tune. There was something oddly familiar about the tune and Shane realized it was “Where Have All the Flowers Gone”. She wanted to tell Carmen she was seriously out-of-tune but she was feeling drowsy. The tune had become a strange little cradlesong, gently lulling Shane to sleep. She could feel Carmen’s hands stroking her hair and she let her. It was perhaps the most trusting she had been to anyone in a long time. She let herself slip into complete oblivion, into a dark and peaceful realm with the odd little tune still playing in the background.

Chapter 18

Shane woke up the next morning, feeling more energetic and fresh than she had ever felt in a long time. She walked out into the living room and saw Carmen stooped in front of the fridge.

“Carmen what’re you doing?”

Carmen turned back and there was a surprised expression on her face as she shot a quick glance at the clock.

“You wake up really early today…I just thought of buying some groceries for you. I mean your whole fridge is empty except for cans of beer and mouldy slices of pizza,” For a moment, Carmen felt slightly worried as Shane retrieved the items she bought from the supermarket out of the plastic bags. “Energy bars, chips, apples, crackers…..” Shane mumbled and she quirked her eyebrows at the number of finger food she found.

Carmen couldn’t resist her widening smile. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I pretty much guessed…okay maybe those were the things I liked.”

There was a look of mild amusement on Shane’s face as she looked at the nutritional contents of a packet of chips. She put the packet down on the table and was about to walk away when she suddenly turned back. “Carmen, why did you sing that song to me yesterday night?”

“Huh?” There was a look of confusion on Carmen’s face and then a look of enlightenment flashed across her face. “That song, it just came naturally to me. My dad used to sing it to me when I was little. I will…..” Carmen was talking rather happily when she paused and regarded Shane with her questioning eyes. “Maybe you’re not interested in hearing this.”

“No Carmen, I am okay? Continue please,” For a moment, Carmen looked deep in thought and when she started speaking again, there was deep wistfulness in her voice.

“My dad was a big, burly man, his huge hands were calloused but I remembered there was something so gentle about him despite his strength. When I was young, I would sit on his lap, in the chair on the porch and listen to his stories. I didn’t know what his stories were about then. Now I think back on them and they were all about peace. My dad was a pacifist, the total opposite of my mum. When they quarrel, my dad would always be the one to apologise and when I asked him why was he the one who always apologised, he said it didn’t matter who apologised first because they were in love. At the end of the day, that was all that mattered.”

“Your dad sounds wonderful….” Shane leaned against the kitchen counter. “He passed away when I was seven,” There was a brittle smile on Carmen’s face as she lowered her head in an attempt to hide her emotions. “He was gone before I had the chance to really know him…”

There was something profoundly touching about the look of nostalgia and pensive longing on Carmen’s face.She was so different from the firm, unwavering self she had shown to her. Shane bent down and her fingertips grazed Carmen’s cheek. Carmen raised her head and her glazed eyes looked into Shane’s. There was a flare of desire in the cinnamon depths of Carmen’s eyes as Shane’s lips inched closer to hers. Then the loud jarring ringtone of a handphone intruded upon the moment and the magic was lost.

“It’s mine,” There was a faint color on her cheeks and Shane wondered whether she could feel the same churning of desire deep within her like she could. She stood up and held the handphone to her ear and the shaft of morning light coming through the window bathed the arch of Carmen’s neck in its warm glow. Then it dawned upon Shane. She wanted Carmen, more than she had wanted anyone else in her life.