(Pre-story note or two . . . Oh My Gawd ! Thank you all so much for the concern during our recent bout with the hurricane. I am awed by your words of worry and grateful for your thoughts and prayers. I am the L Word girl once again – LUCKY – for the second time my neighborhood was spared but for a few hours of no power and lots of downed trees and flying debris – no structural damage or loss of life. Just way too much wind and rain and rain and rain. I am certain that I am not the only one on this site from FLA and I hope others faired as well. I may as well just leave the lawn furniture in the pool if Ivan is planning a visit next week. (~~ Its weird to go back to work in 90 degree heat and try to act as if nothing happened when so many are still without electic, water, shelter. ~~) .
OK so what do I do when the power comes back on besides take a HOT shower and check the food in the fridge? Go to the computer and read stories of course !! AND I AM TELLING YOU ALL NOW THAT IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR BnT LOVE GO CHECK THE POSTS FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS. IT WILL MAKE YOU SO HAPPY!!. I cried with joy when the power was restored – – a cold and a broken hallelujah !!
This story is not about L characters and you will find no satisfaction here. Move on; dont torture yourself here – this thing reads like a mini novel and lacks the love you seek. If youre not following you will be lost. Believe me, today was a stellar day for addicts like me getting a really nice mind -numbing buzz – an extra shot in the arm of L love . . . And I thank you all from the bottom of my pathetic, weakass addicted heart. I love all you writers and your creations .. . you know who you are dont you — you L-drug dealing pen pushing word wizard pieces of $^&%. . . )







Shorts never made it to LA. Before graduation he landed an internship with a local television station and decided that life behind the camera was more to his liking. It wasnt so much a matter of seeing his face in lights as it was seeing his name rolling across the credits after each broadcast. . He had a real knack for behind-the-scenes productions skills necessary to put out a daily show and quickly became responsible for news as well as several local talk shows. With the permission of his bosses, he expanded his talents to include investigative reporting and documentaries of regional interest.

Outside of work he started a little production company and filmed commercials and sports features to help fund his new adventure. I have been in 20 of his local business ads – non-speaking roles, just cameo type appearances, walk-on extra stuff. I dont want to be famous; this girl just wants to have fun.

So it was just a natural transition in any of our conversations to end up talking about television in some way, shape, or form.

I was literally stunned that not only did he watch the new L Word series, but that he also was a huge fan. Six episodes had already aired but this crazed lunatic new every line Shane had spoken since the series inception. He empathized with her character – mysterious young girl whose life on the streets made her quite an independent spirit and jaded in the love department.

Girl, you have absolutely nothing in common with that Shane character, I chided him.
Shes a hairdresser – youre a chef and a tv slash film producer – shes a FEMALE and youre a Male, I think. No, no, no wait .. .please dont tell me that you are a ***** identified man or whatever that bullshit is. Please dont tell me you actually want to BE a woman? Oh honey, please dont Bette Davis Baby Jane on me!!

STAAHHHPP with the drama sister, thats my department, he whined. and EEEE NUFFF with the ***** man mumbo jumbo. I dont want to be a woman – I love being a man who loves men. I love ***** honey, its that simple, and maybe if YOU gave it a try youd be more of a man, too.

Shorts may be my friend but hes only 10% man 90% mouth and all stupid.

We had been sitting at the bar for quite a while and liquor is one thing neither of us had much tolerance for. Shitfaced was an understatement of our condition at 2 am. I was a giddy, nitwit of a drunk, but Shorts was a meanie. And I could see his nasty side about to emerge.

Listen here you little midget and I know that is redundant if that word isnt too BIG to fit into your brain, I figured I would return fire before he could reload. You best watch that mouth of yours around me – I didnt mean anything by my questioning you. Come on Shortbread you know its better to ask some questions than to know all the answers. Im just curious why men would be interested in a ***** show. I get the straight guy thing thinking its hot to watch girl on girl *****, but why does a queen like you watch?

PAALEEESE, Lefty, he started t explain. You ***** girls dont have the market on hot ***** friendly actors ya know. Jennifer Beals is just as important to us homos as Bette and Barbara and Liza (~~ thats Midler and Streisand and Minelli as if I had to tell you ~~~). And trust me twisted sister of mine, if she EVER breaks out in song say IM GONNA WASH THAT MAN RIGHT OUTTA MY HAIR, she will move right on up there as one of top three icons of the ***** culture. So you just get over your sorryass self and live with the fact that I am a fan. And by the way, Slots your midget comment didnt go unnoticed. I just didnt want to get into a pissin contest with you over the name calling thing. So lets just drop it.

He was right about the pissin contest – you can never win when you are up against a prick. And the little dirt bag was right about the name calling thing, too. Other than Shorts, no one in the entire universe would live to see the next five seconds of their miserable life if they EVER called me Slots . Lefty stirs me up, but not to the point of violence. So he was right – I couldnt win and I didnt want our verbal volleyball match to escalate into a full blown war of words.

As I sat in silence waiting for him to initiate our next line of conversation, I glanced around the near empty bar. The end of February was pre-season season for us at this beach resort. Next week at this time the place would be packed with spring breakers and family vacationers soaking up some sun after a long northern winter.

While still waiting for Shorts to say something about Shane and the Show, my eye caught a woman sitting at a table on the patio overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. After going ten rounds with Jose Cuervo, this light weight was in no shape to look for a mercy ***** tonight. ***** I couldnt even see let alone look !!

But a few things did strike me odd about the woman not including the fact that she was hot, hot, hot and very much alone. Despite the way late hour, she looked as if she were doing homework, typing away on a laptop, her horned-rimmed bifocals sliding down the bridge of her nose. She had some wild yet organized hair which made her look like a blonde version of Shane – something I needed to point out to Shorts

Dressed in some type of business suit, she made me think of the Dave Mathews Band as she crossed her legs and shifted in her seat . . .(HIKE UP YOUR SKIRT A LITTLE MORE AND SHOW YOUR WORLD TO ME – – um, um, um).

And that bracelet .. braided black leather intertwined with a silver chain adorned with rainbow colored beads – my invitation for an introduction. – another time perhaps.

As if she could read my mind, the woman slowly and curiously looked my way, smiled weakly and nodded hello. (~~~HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD – AM I THINKING OUT LOUD? AM I MUMBLING OR DREAMING? DID SHE HEAR MY PLEA FOR A LITTLE MORE LEG? WHAT THE ***** DID I SAY??)


Shorts caught my looking at the woman and I could feel him smile as he snapped his fingers in front of my face to regain my attention.

Hey, Three Sheets, he chuckled snapping away. Do you have a computer?

Huh? Oh yea, I do. Dont use it too much any more, maybe an e-mail or surfing. Takes too long to type stuff anymore.

Well, if you obsess over L as much as I do, hon, you WILL get moist over the site I found. People write in and post stories about the characters. Made up stuff mostly. Just a way to keep the love alive in between episodes. You gotta go there and check it out.

Listen Shorts,, I think I was beginning to slur a word or three. Ill never remember much of tonight let alone an address for some website. Why dont you write it down and Ill check it out later when I got time.

He grabbed a napkin and a pen from the bartender, and while he wrote the address for me, I looked around for the woman with the laptop. She was gone – maybe she wasnt even there to begin with – I dont know, I cant remember.

While I was looking around, Shorts continued to ramble about this L Word Fan Fiction site , about he and Shane and their magical connection, and on and on and on.

Finally, I put my hand over his mouth and made him listen.

Enough. All this chatter and too much tequila is giving me a headache. So I have a thought, it might be crazy.

HA, he hollered in recognition Bette and Tina , pilot episode, in the museum before the three-way. Good one !

What ? Oh, I get it – whatever – Listen – I really do have a thought – and it really might sound crazy. Lets make a plan to audition for next years show. I think I read somewhere that they film during the summer in Vancouver. We can take a few months, drive up in the MiniWinni, work our way to Canada and get our asses on tv.

A genius plan, he replied.


TBC . . . .