***

Carmen sat alone on the desert backstairs of the hospital, her elbows on her knees, her head into her hands.

Right in front of her, Shane stood still and then kneeled down. She tilted her head to a side and observed her in compassion, feeling every little fiber of her being hit by Carmen’s heart-wrenching pain.

She watched her tears fall on the blue pants of her uniform and her expression turned full of sorrow, and regret.

She stared at Carmen, unseen, and she listened to her thoughts.

“Oh my God…”, Carmen thought, words flooding freely and desperately into her mind, “…On the table, on my table… I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”.

She dried her eyes with the sleeve of her coat but another set of tears was already on its way.

“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry… What happened? What happened? A graft occlusion? What? It was textbook. It was textbook…”.

In front of her, silent and invisible, Shane stretched out her arm and her fingers – invisible, unseen, unfelt – touched Carmen’s wet cheek.

“….I’m so sorry…”, Carmen said to herself, without speaking, “…The room got so big. I was so small. How did I get so small? I should’ve massaged longer, I should have…”.

She raked her hand through her long hair, now down on her shoulders. Her chest raised and fell under the shaking rhythm of her uneven breath.

“…I should have massaged longer. Massaged longer. I lost it. I lost it”.

Shane watched her, her lips parted, realizing that she wanted to cry, but she couldn’t.

”… What’s that you say to me
Does love… light up your Christmas tree?
The next minute you’re blowing a fuse
And the cartoon network turns into the news…”

***

Behind the sea, the sun was slowly rising.

Shane and Tasha walked quietly on the beach, their footprints disappearing behind them after less than a second.

“Have you ever been seen, Tasha?”, Shane asked, quietly. Her mind couldn’t stop wandering. And it always came back to Carmen, to Dr. Carmen Morales crying alone on the backstairs.

Tasha threw her a quick glance and smiled serenely.

“You’re looking at me, Shane”, she replied, cryptically.

Shane sighed.

“No, not by me, and not by the dying or the delirious…”, she stopped walking and turned fully to her, ignoring the other people in black that were progressively crowding in the shore, “…Have you ever been seen… like you were a woman?”.