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Chandelier – 43
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Bette lifted an eyebrow.
"I wanted to share with you, how I felt, what I was thinking and feeling. But somehow you just…"
"I didn’t listen to you." Bette said softly.
"I know it wasn’t permission. When you told me to explore my feelings. By this time I’ve figured out that you were just careful not to say the wrong thing."
"But I still did."
"I made what I wanted of what you said." Tina said quietly. "That’s all."
Bette sighed. "So what changed?"
Tina smiled wryly. "He started saying the right things."
"Huh?"
"He started talking about a relationship. A family. Adopting Angelica." Tina said. "And, fuck, I’ll admit, made a good sell of it."
"And yet…" Bette fished.
"And yet at one point I just had to slow down." Tina turned to her. "That thing, during that lunch… It was a reality check. You don’t know what I would’ve done just to have someone slap me and wake me up."
"I could never do that." Bette said gently.
"Then thank God there’s Helena," Tina said dryly.
Bette glanced at her, intrigued.
"So, anyway," Tina continued, "he was talking about starting a family, and all I could think was, he was way ahead of me."
"But it’s what you wanted."
"In theory." Tina corrected.
Bette stopped.
"But you were the one who made it worth it. You saw this vision of us, and wanted me to share in it. You made me want it, too. Even to the point where I wanted it more than you did." Tina sighed. "I thought of that, and that’s when I realized, I can’t do this. I can’t do it to Angelica. I couldn’t do it to you."
"I admit, I wasn’t ready. Not for motherhood." Bette looked at her. "During the first one, I got scared. And when we lost him, I guess… I felt guilty. Like I was so scared to have our son that maybe he saved himself the trouble of having me for his mother."
Tina glanced away, suddenly overwhelmed. Sometimes she forgot. That there was supposed to be a son, a baby before Angelica. Her personal worship of Angelica allowed her to forget, the pain of the events prior to Angelica’s birth gave her permission to push back the painful events that led to Angelica’s conception.
"She means everything to me. You know that. Despite my past actions. And…" Tina took a deep breath. "I guess I don’t want to share."
"Even with me?"
"Especially with you." Tina smiled weakly at Bette. "You know how you felt, being the second to the last person to know about our first pregnancy?"
Bette nodded. "Yes."
"Multiply it by a thousand, and that doesn’t even come close to how I felt when I found out everybody — even Jenny — had held Angelica before I did. She was the only thing I had for so long, and you took that away from me." Tina glanced at her. "She means everything to me."
"And you’re everything to her." Bette said softly. "Sometimes I envy the way you two look at each other. The way she looks at you."
"You’re her Mama B, Bette." Tina assured her. "I don’t know what I was thinking, to think you two could be separated."
"Would you have taken her from me?"
"Call it temporary insanity." Tina admitted. "Or me being selfish. Which lately seems to be the same thing."
Bette had to smile. "Okay."
Tina took a deep breath. "I’ve done a spectacular job of ruining the good things I have, B. Starting from Provocations. I know you say you fucked up, and I have a great time reminding you, but I know I did something wrong, too. And I’m trying to get to the point where I can trust myself not to make the same mistake."
"I get that." Bette sympathized.
"Except I did just that when it came to Barbara Grisham." Tina sighed. "I guess I was testing you, that time with Senator Grisham. Given the circumstances, what would you do."
Bette looked at those hazel eyes, the sadness, saw how lost Tina felt, just thinking about it. "So I guess I passed."
"And I failed."
Bette smiled faintly. "I’ll give you the remedial."
"I’d like that."
"Good," Bette kissed the top of her forehead. "Let’s start with the make-up."
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tiff i never got my closure on the relationship tht ic created in our hearts and minds in season one and screwd us over in season two and screwed us over bigtime again without ky in season threebut reading your story finally got me to a point where i cud get a closure with b and t s relationship in the show u did a amazing job
Hey TD, after reading that last chapter I just had take a pause to give you kudos for a job well done. I’ve been one of your “silent readers” for a long time… but this last chapter really got to me… the honest emotion that you’ve brought alive in these two is deserving of all kinds of awards. Keep up the fantastic work. Thanks for writing.
I agree with Bailey.And… Tina’s “I’m sorry” rant reminded me of Bette’s “I want” rant.Thanks for the pleasure of your story.
Everything HackGirl said with a thank you added on….You have sincerely filled some gaps for this humble fan.
i didn’t like Tina behavior in S3 but i still have the hope that in S4 she will be recover her kindness and you are doing a great job fix all the mess that IC put in S4 is that the reason that i read your story!
“I could’ve f…. you” “No you couldn’t”… I remember on the pilot when Bette asked Tina while they were at the doctor’s office “Am I suppose to f… you here?” sounded funny then. In your story Tina’s reply made me gasped, great apology and even greater her reply to Bette’s statement.
I could never hate Tina, even with what they did to her. I will always want them back together and thank you for giving it to us. OH…I read lastkid and still have hope she will come around.: )
I’ve been away and just finished catching up with this. Still awesome as always. But you have exhausted me. The talking, yelling, arguing all long overdue and needed. Now maybe they can get back to each other and the here and now. If only IC would use this, next season has me worried.
You know something like this could be believable in S4 and sooo would love it too happen, great chapter
As long there’s tiff, there’s hope! Thanks!
OK, nobody seems to be objecting to some make-up sex. That was some hard work they just put in and they deserve some recreation.
Great chapter, Tiff–you are doing a marvelous job of explaining everything that we viewers wanted explained in the show…if only TPTB read your work, and followed your path, they’d have astronomical ratings.
Ah, the things you do with B&T, even after S3!! Thank you, tiff.
Damn finally see Tinas sorry to Bette and I argree with B&TForever and pattifloatn. Ok post soon please, thanks!
Wow…good dialog. I like Tina, but I like Bette more…Just want to see herhappy.The only way the writers can make up seasons 2 & 3 is to make all of season 3 a freakin dream…I will keep my fingers crossed…meanwhile your writing is keeping us all happy.On a side note I see Skipton warmed up her computer to give you a compliment…let’s hope we can get a post from her on Reprisal Reprised. ALL YOU FAN FICTION WRITERS ROCK!
You know even with all the stuff she was doing, I never did hate Tina. I just found myself disliking IC more and more with each passing Sunday. Tiff you are doing a great job cleaning up the mess IC left us with. Great chapter, thanks for posting.
I hate and love Tina at the same time. And I want to slap and kiss her at the same time, too.
You’re doing an amazing job of actually justifying what I really thought was unjustifiable. The perspective you take with the characters actually makes sense of many plot lines that were filled with holes and inconsistencies. You’ve created motivations to justify their actions – seriously impressive not to mention well thought out. Think I might skip next season and just stick to reading your fic – I have no doubt it’ll be more consistent in plot! Thanks for writing.
This is just so damn good! Thank you.
Wow, great chapter.
Finally, an apology from Tina. Why couldn’t we get this in S3? Maybe in S4 the writer’s will fix some of the hurt and pain they caused Bette and Tina. In the meantime, thank you for cleaning up this mess.Please continue.
you never stop amazing me, to get so much from Tina’s apology and actually understand her actions…i thought it was impossible…i still love Tina even after s3, though i kept screaming at my tv while watching it…thank goodness i’m reading the right story…thanks
“Make like a cavewoman and declare you my woman?” ROTFLMAO UGH! Anyway, that was one longass apology! Sounds like there will be some serious making up soon. ;)
my baby and i just read this and she told me to tell you that you friggin rock! ok- she didn’t say friggin. at 4 months, “fs” are still a bit challenging…
What a treat, 4 pages! I got so excited when I saw that, I almost wet myself. Someone else said it, but I concur…I couldn’t see how these two could ever get back together, but you make it somehow believable. However, while I love to read the two of them getting back, I somehow can not imagine IC getting these two back in such a realistic fashion, so I’m hoping they do not get back on the show. As always, thanks for your hard work and dedication to this story!
I’m sorry they had to go thru all that shyt of s3…and you’re good!!! really good!!!! great dialogue…….
Hey TD, More of your brilliance as you tried and suceeded in explaining Tina’s 180° turn to heterosexuality and back again. While it wasn’t justifiable there was a reason behind it. I adore the way to have the gals clear the air and put forward their own take on events and rationales for their actions. Inspiring stuff. Thak you for this guilty pleasure (as I read it at work.) Your Loyal Fan.
I am with Bailey, I didn’t hate Tina I just hated what IC did to her. How could she take a loving individual and have her do what she did. It was not in Tina’s character to do that to Bette. Now on to this story and more specifically this chapter. Tina let it all hang out. She told Bette what was in her heart and head. It did take a lot of courage for her to open up the way that she did. It also took a lot of courage for Bette to not interupt and listen to every heart breaking thing that Tina did to her. IC will never go into detail the way that you have but with this story in the back of my mind I can and am willing to except them back together in the show. Thanks for writing about my favorite couple and giving them back to me.
Amazing, just amazing, thanks for sharing this wonderful story with us.