Bette didn’t know what to make of that tone. Was it hope, was it desperate searching for something to hold on to? The brunette swallowed and forced a smile, even though ms Kennard couldn’t see her.

"Yes, I am. So does that mean you won’t be teaching us next school year?"

"Obviously, ms Lerner doesn’t know yet. I’m still doubting if I should start the school year. If I don’t lose the baby, I’m going to have to stop soon into the school year, maybe it’s better if my substitute could start from September."

"I would really miss your lessons." And you.

She could almost hear her smile through the phone. "It’s really nice of you to say that. Anyway, if things do go wrong, I’ll probably regret the decision."

"Well… if things would go wrong at some point, I would think you’d be heartbroken, devastated and in no state to just pick up your job as if nothing happened."

"I didn’t think of that. You’re so thoughtful, Bette, so intelligent. One day, you’re going to be where I am. Not exactly, but you’ll be close."

Little did they know that after those words, they thought the same: ‘It won’t be with you.’

Bette had no idea where to take this conversation, but she didn’t want to hang up either. She wanted to enjoy ms Kennard’s voice, bask in the warmth of her, in her presence at the other side of the line.

####################

Tina simply had to find a way to get her mind off of this situation. She was of course happy to be pregnant, but somehow it didn’t feel entirely right. She couldn’t explain the sadness about being at a point of no return. She had been offered plenty of time and chances, but hadn’t taken any of them. She could have broken up with Jesse, she could have said she didn’t feel that this would work out. She would never be able to admit to Bette the feelings she had finally acknowledged, but at least she could have waited until Bette left school and then maybe have told her. It would have been the most honest option, but also the hardest one.

Tina felt weak, weak for taking the easy way out. She had not only hurt herself, but she would also hurt her future family. If she thought about spending another five years with Jesse as her boyfriend, her mind screamed ‘NO’. If she thought about him being a good friend, that was a definite yes. But could they go back to that? Could he do that? After all, he did have feelings for her. She had long come to term with the fact that he wasn’t her one, mind-blowing, true love, but she was still to him. She had never even really been in love with him. She had liked him and convinced herself to just try, she had tried to evoke feelings, she had tried to fall head over heels in love with him. In the meanwhile, they had moved on fastly, moved in together rather quick and now this… a baby. How could she ever leave him? Now it was too late, and she hated herself for it.

The relationship with her unborn baby was complicated. Of course she loved the tiny thing in her tummy that wasn’t even a human being yet, it was her flesh and blood. But he or she was also the one that had taken away any chance of being with Bette, of living the life she wanted to live and with whom she wanted to live it.

That is why she decided to take an example from Bette and start writing. At first, she wrote about her feelings, about what it did to her. She deleted it, scared of Jesse finding it. That was insane – he rarely used her laptop and if she only saved it somewhere deep and put a password to it… but wouldn’t he think the password was strange, mysterious? 

Later on, she decided to start writing fiction. Silly stories about lovebirds leading a perfect life. Of relationships without problems, of teachers dating their students without having to look over their schoulders all the time. 

She wrote in a frenzy, all day long. Jesse hadn’t said anything of it, but definitely thought it was weird. He thought it were her hormones, being pregnant and everything.

She went to see one of Bette’s practices, but had to leave early. She felt like she was cheating on Jesse, betraying the baby and she just couldn’t handle seeing the person that held her hear when she didn’t even know it.