“I don’t want to ask that of you, honey.” Tina sat closer to Bette, combing her fingers through the thick curls. “I don’t want you to give up on anything for me. This just…” she took one ringlet and played with it. “This feels like when you graduated from high school. When you said you’d attend UCLA and give up on your life long dream of going to Yale. I didn’t want you to give that dream up and I don’t want it now either.”

“But that was different. Had I gone to UCLA, that would’ve been it, and it was better for us to leave that place altogether since people knew us. Right now, I still have plenty of opportunities after this one. This is just a chance coming along. Others will follow.”

“And what if they won’t? What if you’re missing out on the job of your life just because I didn’t want to quit at Hill Regional Career?”

“What do you propose then?”

“I don’t know. I want to think about it. When do you have to let Derek know about your final decision?”

“As soon as I made up my mind.”

“Give me a couple of days, okay?”

“Okay.”

>>>>

Four days later

The whole matter had caused Tina a few nights of sleep, but it was their future they were talking about here. She felt guilty for not wanting to leave the life she built here. She loved her job, the school, the people… she would miss Sam and Dave, but also Hugh and Gary and all those other friends she had made. She loved living in New Haven as well. Of course, New York appealed to her and had anyone asked her this when Bette graduated, she would have been delighted. But as much as she loved New York, she didn’t know if she was ready to leave New Haven behind.

She also felt incredibly guilty for feeling like she was living her life at Bette’s service. Of course, Bette didn’t want her to and of course Bette would be horrified if she found out about this, but there wasn’t much they could do. Bette was going through those phases in life Tina had gone through ten years ago, those phases that brought along so many changes of scenery. She agreed with Bette that leaving LA was the best thing to do either way and as much as it had hurt to leave the place, she would be with Bette and that would have been enough. But now she felt like she would have to give up that part of her life again and this time, she just wasn’t sure if their love for each other would be enough. She hated to admit it, but Bette was right. She could just find herself a job and get into the art world later. And it wasn’t like Derek was the only person who could offer her a job in the art world. 

She didn’t want to stop Bette from making the right choices. She didn’t want their relationship to be the only factor that determined what choices she made. She wanted Bette to think outside of their relationship as well. It wasn’t the only thing in life – exactly the same issue like when they had first moved to New Haven and Bette didn’t have any friends. There had to be more. She also felt like she was sacrificing part of her life so Bette could chase her dreams. Of course that was important, but she had dreams of her own, and those were mainly leading a steady life.

It had taken a lot of thinking, but Tina had come to a conclusion. She confronted Bette with it when she came home from the gym.