Chapter Seven

I had a lot to think about because there was so much at stake. If I agreed to do this, I would risk outing myself. The fact that my name wouldn’t be mentioned was no guarantee. If there was only one person not thinking about this and talking to someone about my work, it was all over.

On the other hand – how could I say ‘no’ to ms Kennard? How long had I been telling myself and Shane how I’d do anything for her, anything to make her happy. Her last words had been so lethal, had been so important to me. Almost as if she knew it…

”I would love it if you’d agree, Bette. I really hope you’ll help ms Peabody and me out – you are a very talented person. It would mean a lot to me.”

Those words had been followed by the most genuine, beautiful, hopeful and encouraging smile I’ve ever seen.

”I promise I’ll think about it. I can’t guarantee anything, though. Are you really sure that I will be completely unknown?”

“If that is what you want.”

The only thing I wanted was to be with her, but of course I couldn’t say that. I didn’t want to throw away the weak decoction of a bond, a relationship I had with my father. Surely, if I would tell her about my feelings, she would tell the principal, who would probably tell my father. She would also want to have a conversation with me about how it was impossible for her to recipocrate my feelings, her being a teacher and me being a student. She wouldn’t tell me I was also way too ugly and stupid to even deserve to be with her. She would also tell me that she was straight. Maybe she would appreciate I had told her, but what the hell could I do with appreciation?

Also, I would feel so childish. I really, really didn’t need that.

The next few weeks, whenever I saw her at school (and she did show up a lot during gym), I wondered how much longer I would be able to take this silent torture, to continue this timid devotion.

–

“So… Bette?” Tim asked suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere.