Shane knew she shouldn’t have said it. She didn’t mean to. Carmen had had a rough night and she didn’t need to deal with her bullshit right now—or ever actually. Shane searched for her sweet lover’s face in the dark—searching for the tears that she knew would be there. Instead, she saw her smiling up at her.

“What? Why are you smiling?”

“I’m smiling because in the almost two years that we have been together, you have never once told me about your past as bluntly as just now. You have never opened up to me like that and just said whatever was in your head, you always try to sugar coat it for me.”

Shane started to squirm; this conversation was making her uncomfortable. She didn’t like talking about her past; she didn’t want to be seen as something broken or fragile. Everyone around her saw a different side of her but Carmen—Carmen saw a part of her that made Shane want to run away in order to stop the pain she felt whenever Carmen got closer to her. At the same time, there was something so addictive and intoxicating about sharing her deepest moments with this woman—it was something that Shane was sure would destroy her.

“Uh yeah I just, um, I–”

“Shut up. You don’t have to get nervous and scramble to find an excuse for what you did. I know you didn’t mean to and that you regret it, but I liked it. I like knowing what goes on under all of that crazy hair.” She said as she messed up Shane’s hair.

Shane felt a little better that Carmen had lightened the mood a bit. She cracked a smile and looked at her lover.

“Carmen?”

“Yes my dear?” She said as she slowly began to crawl on top of Shane.

“Um, about the kid thing?”

“Mhm I’m listening,” she said as she pressed her lips to the pale girl’s neck and moved her hands down over Shane’s breasts.

“Well uh, I’m not saying that I don’t want kids I just, I just mean that I may want them some day, but I’m not ready for them right now. Okay? I’m open to it, just, well I’d like to get through 24 hours without the kid I have now crying on me. You see what I’m saying?”