“Ok,” She said. “Im sorry if I upset you. I didn’t mean to go with you to hover over you like a mother. I just want to be there for you. I’m sorry babe.”

Shane turned over onto her side to face Carmen. She regretted getting mad at Carmen the second after the words left her mouth. She knew Carmen wanted her to open up—hell that’s what most of their fights seemed to revolve around—but Shane found it really hard to be raw about her feelings. Carmen always told her that if Shane loved her, she would open up–but Shane felt the exact opposite. Shane loved her so much that she couldn’t bear to see those big brown eyes well up with tears and she knew that if she ever lost it and came clean about her past and her feelings, she would be the cause of the tears on Carmen’s face. She couldn’t do that to the woman she loved. Especially not with everything that happened with Cherie Jaffe. No, Carmen put up enough with her messed up life, she didn’t need to share any more.

Shane choked back tears as she pulled her girlfriend close, “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you. I’m just worried about Shay”

“I know baby. Its ok.”

Shane felt so helpless and like the room was spinning. She needed control. She lifted up ler lovers chin and kissed her hard on the mouth. She snaked her hands under the Latina’s shirt and ran a finger around Carmen’s left nipple. She may not have control over anything else in her fucked up life, but she could at least control this.

Carmen was sleepy and a little grumpy. She honestly didn’t feel like making love but she knew Shane needed it and she felt like it was the only thing Shane ever let her do to help her, so she let Shane’s hands wrap around her and fumbled to pull off Shane’s jeans.

Shane stopped kissing Carmen long enough to kick her jeans off and then gently laid Carmen on her back. She crawled on top with one leg between Carmen’s. For a moment she just stared at her lover. What had started out as a pure coping mechanism for Shane changed into something meaningful. She had no clue why this woman was still with her but she was grateful and wanted to show her. She leaned down and buried her head in Carmen’s neck. She began kissing and licking her way down her body over that beautiful golden skin and every voluptuous curve but she couldn’t shake the whole thing with Shay.