I don’t think I have ever been so bored before in my life, all they let us do here is sit in our room or watch TV in the rec room. I hate that room; they stare unafraid, watching my every move trying so hard to control me. The whispers that circle the room, the fingers finding there way to me, there questions berating and I just want to go home. I want to be on the beach, sitting across from her in the restaurant, talking about nothing at all. I’m hungry…I think this is the first time all week I’ve wanted food, it’s the first time I can even think of food. I wonder what she’s doing. I miss her; I miss her warm body lying next to me, keeping me warm. I miss waking up to those eyes that light up when she smiles, I miss that morning kiss that makes me want the night again. I miss the way her hand would snake its way up to my neck pulling me closer to her, our bodies forming into one. She’s all I thought about, she’s what made these last few nights bearable.

Those nights where my body was shaking from the pain in my stomach, from the burning in my head. Thoughts of those blackened nights, of nameless faces, of the numbing daze that got me through the day. My head that felt like it was going to explode from everything that is crowded in there; my body drenched in sweat and so fucking cold. I didn’t sleep, the pain made it impossible to sleep all I could do was lay burning in this ring of fire, the want for the pills, powder anything to make it stop driving me insane. I think I almost ate chalk in one of those meeting’s with doctor Cane, I don’t know I didn’t even know that I was going home tomorrow until Betty told me. All I can really remember is the gut wrenching pain, the freezing cold room that turned into a furnace with in minutes, the taste of chalk and her. I didn’t even think of them…which is weird because I could never get rid of them before, but ever since I told Carmen it seems like they went away. I don’t hear them in my head anymore, I don’t hear anything really just my own thoughts and Carmen whispering in Spanish.