Standing as far away as possible, waiting for her to tell me to leave to scream at me for hurting her. Her arms crossed, fuck she looks a lot like her when she’s mad. I don’t think pouting and a kiss will make her smile…I could try.

“What the hell took you so long?” what?

“Uh… what?” She drops her arms to her side her eyes unreadable.

“I thought you said you loved her.” her eyes flaming into life, into a fiery rage.

“I-I do.” dear god I do.

“Well then what took you so long huh?” I wasn’t expecting this, what the fuck am I suppose to say?

“I-I…” trying to form words, to tell her and I can’t.

“I don’t understand first you phone telling us to come to your wedding then you leave her…what happened?’ shit she asks a lot of hard questions.

Where the fuck do I start? What the fuck am I suppose to tell her?

“I know I hurt her, that I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving her…I met my father for the first time about a week before the wedding and he…he was married, the night before I saw him leaving the hotel bar with someone that wasn’t his wife. He didn’t even know her name.” the sight of him with her making me sick, “he left his wife and son to be with her…right before he left he told…he said that I was just like him. And when he said that I believed him because why would he lie… he’s my father.”

Her eyes change, and I can taste the sickly sweet taste of the tears on my lips. Wiping them away, not wanting to show her how I weak I really am.

“I was afraid that I would do that to her…that I would live a lie and make her life hell. That eventually I would just leave her…and that scared the shit out of me because the thought of hurting her is the worst thing in the world.” her eyes searching mine looking for what it is that’ll make her happy. “I know that’s not an excuse or anything…I really do love her, she’s all I thought about.”

Staring at my shoes wishing I had worn something better, something to impress her and them. Waiting for her to say something for her to slap me, kick me do something. Because this silence is killing me, and I just wish that I was someone else. That I hadn’t left, fuck I bet she really wants that fucking bitch here instead.