Chapter 14

Carmen lowered her head. She knew this was coming and she didn’t blame Shane. Who knows, Shane could have tortured herself every night with questions like this. Why did her parents leave her? Was she not good enough for them? She watched Josephine took a sip of her earl grey. “Shane, you’re never a difficult kid. You didn’t demand my attention, you were such a good baby. Your dad, he was abusive and when he didn’t get enough money for his liquor, he would hit me. One day, he tried to hit you too and I decided that was enough. I left the house with you. You were only three. I had no one to turn to. My folks threw me out when I decided to get married to your dad. I got a waitress job and I put you at my neighbour’s. One day, you tripped and hit your head against the edge of the table. You had 11 stitches and if I’m right, the scar is still there, right at the crown of your head,” Josephine glanced up at the ceiling and placed her hand over Shane’s clenched fist on the table.

“It was then I felt so helpless. I wasn’t a good mother, I couldn’t take care of you. Leaving your dad and working took such a toll on me, I listened to the social worker. I thought it was the best for you,” Then Josephine crumbled as she pressed her hands to her face and sobbed. “Josephine, take the tissue,” Shane handed the tissue to her. Carmen could see Shane’s gaze linger on the wedding ring on Josephine’s left hand. Josephine looked at Shane and something tender flashed across her face.

“I wanted to name you Shanna after my mother. You were a premature baby, Shane and when I gave birth to you, you had breathing difficulties. I didn’t get to see you until six days later. When the nurses handed me to you, you looked so small and fragile but you held on so strongly to my finger with your little hand. It was as if you were showing me your determination to live, no matter what. I knew then, I knew that you were going to grow up to be strong so I thought Shane was a better name for you,”

“I’ve always thought it was my dad who gave me that name,” Shane said in a barely audible voice.

“No Shane, it was me,”

Back at the hotel, Carmen was unpacking her things when Shane sat down on the bed beside her duffel bag. “Carmen, not many people know this, but I do have a scar…here,” she took Carmen’s hand and placed it in her hair. Carmen smoothed her fingertips over the stiff keloidal tissue.

“She said she want to bring me shopping and show me around tomorrow,” Shane said with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

“Do you want me to go Shane? If you want, I’ll be there,”

“I don’t know Carmen, I don’t know if I’m ready to spend time alone with her,” Carmen placed a peck on her forehead and rested her chin on her head. “You already know the answer, don’t you Shane?” Shane looked up at Carmen and there was something deep and stormy in her sea-green eyes and for a moment, Carmen wondered if Shane was thinking the same thing as her. “I’ve gotta bathe,” Carmen broke the eye contact and shut the bathroom door behind her. She could hear her own harsh breathing.

Do you feel the same way as I do?

You already know the answer, don’t you Shane?  I already know my answer but what about you?