“What are you doing here, Shane?” Valeska glared at her and placed her hand on Carmen’s shoulder. Shane made no initiative to budge and made a noncommittal shrug. “Just talking,” “You know her Carmen?” Carmen, who looked visibly upset, nodded. There was an undercurrent of tension between the three of them and Shane was almost daring Valeska to do something to make her move. Alice rushed over with a big smile plastered on her face. “Oh, Valeska you look great! Look at those biceps….” She dragged Shane up from the seat and linked her arm with hers. “We need to go, we’re in a hurry…” Her voice lowered into a whisper. “Shane, you need to go before she kicks your ass right in front of that girl…move…” Before Shane was dragged out forcefully by Alice, the last scene she saw was Valeska comforting Carmen. And It sucked. It had sucked like a punch in the gut.  

Chapter 7

“I need to get a smoke, how long before the next appointment?” “Ten minutes,” “I’ll be back before then,” Shane stepped out into the balmy heat and lit up her cigarette. She flexed her right arm and it hurt. She had been using that arm all day and she needed a break. She started walking down the street, trying to push the random thoughts of Carmen and Valeska away. When she went back, she thought she saw a  glimpse of Carmen at the turn of the street and before she could get a better look, she was gone. Shane went inside the salon and Joe said, “Miss Morales looked for you, I told her you were having a break and if she wanted a haircut, your schedule is already full,” “What?” Shane looked at Joe and groaned inwardly. Carmen wanted to say something to her. Maybe she could still catch up with Carmen. She started for the door but was stopped by Joe. “She’s gone, Shane, she left a message…” “Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Joe looked perplexed by Shane’s anxious manner. “Same time, at the salon that’s all she said,”

Carmen had bunched her hair into a messy ponytail. She didn’t want Shane to think she had spent a lot of thought on her appearance but she could not resist putting lipstick on her lips. She saw Shane leaning against the wall, her hands jammed inside her pockets, a bored expression on her face. When Shane’s eyes found her, she smiled. “Hey,” Carmen took a deep breath. “Shane, I’m sorry about the other day. It was rude and uncalled for,” Shane nodded. “Okay,” Carmen looked away. She could smell the fragrance of hair products from Shane’s shirt and it made her want to burrow her head inside.

“Shane, what made you come over and say all those things?” The urge to know the answer to that overcame her and she blurted it out before she could stop herself

 “I don’t know, concern or maybe just a temporary moment of insanity,” Shane lowered her head and shuffled her feet.

“If I didn’t know better, I would think it’s jealousy….” Carmen couldn’t quite hide her pain at Shane’s reply and her voice trembled. Shane looked aghast at what she said and Carmen thought if she wasn’t against the wall, she would have retreated a few steps back just to put distance between them.

“No it’s not…”

“Okay, Shane, I’m telling you this…It’s my life and it’s my choice, whether I go out with Valeska or not. Just like that day when I chose to go to your place even when I knew the next morning I would hurt. Shane you’re different…I’ve never known someone like you….someone who builds a fortress around herself, keeping people out,”

Shane wanted to run. She hated this. Hated this psycho-analyzing of her behaviour from someone who had just known her for a few days. Hated Carmen for this because she was spot-on. She fished her car keys out of her pocket and started walking but Carmen stopped her with a hand on her arm. She wanted to shrug her hand off but Carmen was surprisingly strong.

 “Shane….you’re keeping everyone out…even the people who care..I’m not saying this for myself….it pains me to see you like this…”

“Like what? Carmen. Like what?” Shane used her height advantage and looked down at Carmen, almost daring her to continue. Carmen didn’t look away and it was then she realised there were tears brimming in her eyes. Shane forced her to ignore her tears. She turned her back against Carmen and started walking.

“Shane….you’re not keeping people out….in the end you’re the one who’s locking yourself in,”

I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.

Shane knew that. She knew that feeling only too well.