Her water broke two weeks earlier than the original due date.  Why would they give us a due date when 90% of pregnancies are either early or late?  I found this out later, so as you would expect, as a first time parent, I was scared out of my mind.  But I had to keep clam for her, otherwise, she would panic and that’s not good for the baby or her.

When she was in the operation room, I was agitated, nervous, frustrated at the doctors, myself.  Luckily, Alice and Jenny were there to keep me company.  I had no idea how the hour passed by without them.  They kept telling me that she would be alright.  They were half right.

She came out of unconsciousness a few hours later.  She looked so pale, yet happy to see us, see Sofia.  The nurses came in and out to check her heart beat and blood pressure every hour.  They put baby Sofia in a baby bed next to her.  I stayed with her all the time, holding her hand.  The morphine drops are there to help her with the pain.  IV drops are also attached to her arm.  My heart hurt so much to see her went through that for our baby.   

She drifted in and out of sleep.  The operation took a lot out of her.  The doctor told me that she needed to stay in the hospital for 3 to 4 days, until she could walk on her own again.

I pull myself together long enough to feed Sofia.  I had to learn how to take care of her quickly.  Feeding her is easy, I can do it with my eyes close now.  Milk powder, hot water, mixes them in the bottle and, test the temperature before giving it to her…

She looks so content with her milk, I smile at her.  Loving her is the only thing that I can do now.  I watch her sleep peacefully.

I am breaking down again, tears are pouring down. 

A few hours after her c-section, the doctor and nurses came in again to check on her vitals. They looked worried this time.  They said her heart rate was too fast and the blood pressure was too low.  The doctor examined her abdominal and she cried out in pain.   I didn’t need to be doctor to know that was not a good sign.  They suspected internal bleeding and pushed her back to the operation room.