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    Dana’s Journey…Understanding

    Sous Chef, Darkhorse, Ash, I live to keep yall happy. Thanks so much for your continued support.

    Helena, thank you for your wonderful comments. A little obsession is always good. -BIG grin-

    Geauxtigers, what can I say, you & LSUfan, I think that makes 3 tiger fansI am feeling outnumbered! But thats ok, I still love your commentsthanks!

    Cuban Slave, I do believe that you are rightthe whole SEC is beginning to read this story, we are going to have to team up to stay alive with all the tigers in here!LOL

    Karrie, I never thought about that scene, but now that you mentioned it, youre right. I love that movie and I cant believe I forgot about it! Actually Howie is a lot like my little brotherthats who I was really thinking of.

    AND Kwhat can I say, you know that you are the wonderful distraction that is needed, thanks more than you will ever know! Now get back to work!!!!(after you read the chapter of course!)LOL

    Now, for our usual drilleveryone say it with me.
    Grab whatever and enjoy!


    Chapter 14

    The whole world had stopped. Dana was face to face with the mother that just a week ago rejected her because of her lifestyle. The love and laughter that was filling the house just moments ago seemed to just dissipate into nothingness. Please, come in. Dana wanted to just take her mother in her arms and hold on for dear life until she was accepted by this woman, but she knew that it probably wouldnt happen.

    As Sharon stepped cautiously just inside the door, she looked through Dana, trying to see if Howard was ready. Thank you. The tension was evident in her voice and actions. Where is Howard?

    Dana closed the door, He is upstairs. HOWIE!

    WHAT?

    MOMS HERE TO GET YOU.

    I never understood why you two would yell like that. It just isnt proper. Sharon had always hated it when they yelled and hollered.

    Mom, do you think we could talk? Dana wanted so much for her mom to understand what she felt.

    Oh, that reminds me, Jonathan is going to meet you at that place you and Alice go and have coffeeThe Planet, isnt it? Sharon was the master of avoiding topics that she didnt want to talk about.

    Mom, I told you Dana was interrupted by Howie bounding down the stairs.

    Hi mom. You didnt have to come get me. I am sure that Danes here would have driven me home. Howie wrapped his arm around Danas neck.

    Howard, just get in the car. Your father is very upset that you left andand

    And what mom? Howies voice was beginning to rise. That I came to my sisters house? My ***** sisters house?

    Howard, stop, thats not what I was going to say. Sharon was trying to backpedal to act as if what she had just heard wasnt said. I was going to say that you didnt tell us you were leaving. Relief came across her face when that came out of her mouth.

    Bull mom!

    Howie, stop yelling at mom. Dana couldnt stand to see her little brother so upset, not to mention with their mom. You need to calm down.

    Im sorry, youre right. Mom, Im sorry. Howies tone lowered.

    Is everyone alright? Lara heard Howie yelling and decided to come down to make sure everything was okay. Dana placed her right hand over temple and closed her eyes when she saw her mothers mouth open in shock.

    Yeah Lara, its just fine. Mom is wanting me to go home with her, but I am having second thoughts now.

    Sharon couldnt believe her eyes or ears. IuhI didnt know that you had company. She was hoping that she was having a bad dream, but she wasnt. I think we better go, Howard, come on. Sharon turned back towards the door.

    No mom. I cant go back home unless dad and you understand that Dana is part of my life and I love her no matter what. Howie stood his ground, and Lara and Dana couldnt have been prouder of him or more appreciative.

    Howard, you get in that car now. Sharon was the one now getting upset. Her emotions finally starting to show. She was no longer the stoic woman that was voted Woman of the Year by the OCRWC, she was a mother fighting for her dignity, that was about to break.

    Dana saw her mother, her role model about to crumble. She walked over to her and placed her hand in the middle of this womans back. Mom, please, lets try and talk this out. That is all Howie wants, heck, it is all I want. She took another step towards her, Please, this is killing me. Her voice quivered when she saw her mother drop her head.

    Dana, I dontI cantthis is not part of my beliefs. You know that. The tears didnt run down Sharons cheek, they dropped straight to the wood floor. She was dying on the inside also, but not only the hurt that her daughter was feeling, but for the agony she was dealing with.

    Mom, please. Danas hands now were on her mothers arms trying to guide her towards the living room. Howie and Lara stood there in amazement, watching the love flow from daughter to mother in hopes of an understanding. Finally, Dana had successfully guided her mother to the couch and sat she sat down beside her, their knees touching. Mom, please look at me. Dana reached over and covered her mothers hands that were placed upon her lap.

    I cant Dana. Her chin now was touching her chest.

    You know, I said that to someone that I cared about once, her eyes diverted over to Lara and she continued, but I found out that I actually could. A slight smile appeared on both Dana and Laras face. So please mom, please look at me.

    Slowly, Sharon raised her head as Dana refocused her attention to her. What Dana saw brought more pain to her heart, but also a glimmer of hope. She saw hurt, anger, confusion, blame and deep down, she saw love. A love that only could exist between a mother and her daughter.

    Howie, why dont we go fix some breakfast. Lara knew they needed to do this in privacy.

    But we.. He didnt have time to finish his sentence before he was being pulled into the kitchen.

    Mom, I know I hurt you and daddy, but I was also hurting myself. I wish that this didnt hurt you so much, but this is who I am. I cant change. Sharon pulled her hands away slowly. Mom, you did nothing wrong, I swear, I have always been a *****, I just got good at hiding it around you.

    What about the boys in high school?

    Thats all they were, boys. I wasnt attracted to them, but I was trying to suppress my feelings that I was having for women by going out, trying to make you and daddy happy. But that was making me so unhappy. I felt like something was missing. So I focused on my tennis to keep me busy.

    You never told us that you were unhappy, you always seemed to be just the opposite.

    But I wasnt mom. Dana was relieved that there was at least some dialog going on. It killed me to tell you, but it destroyed me when you and daddy walked out on me. If it hadnt been for Laras love and understanding and my friends, I dont know where I would be right now. But even with all of that I am still not where I NEED to be.

    You know that Lara came to the house, dont you?

    She told me last night after Howie got here. If I had known that this was going to rip my family apart, I would have turned down Subaru and never told you. But that would have just kept the lies and secrets going. And you always taught us that lies and secrets were not right. When I told you that you and daddy didnt do anything wrong, you didnt. You raised both Howie and me to have respect and consideration for others. You both did a great job with me, Howie on the other hand both Dana and her mother had a chuckle.

    Yes, well, he is a handful, but Sharon began to relax ever so slightly.

    But he is a boy and all boys are handfuls. Danas smile brightened the room just a little. Mom, I love you and daddy so much. When Lara came to see you yesterday, she did that because she loves me like you love daddy, with every fiber of her being. She saw how much I was hurting and she wanted, no needed to try and stop it. I almost lost her because of my insecurities about being ***** in the public eye and I cant risk that again.

    Well, I could tell yesterday that she loved you very much. It took a lot of courage for her to face us. Sharon placed her right hand over Danas, I just dont understand whyhow?

    Mom, I know that it is hard for you to understand. All I can say is that it just is the way it is. I emotionally, Dana swallowed hard, and physically connect with women. I have tried to explain to you that it was nothing that you or daddy did. Nothing horrible happened to me during my childhood. No one turned me *****. I just am who I am and I love who I love, nothing more, nothing less. She looked into her mothers eyes, seeing the tears, seeing the woman that was ready to crumble earlier, begin to understand, but there was something else even deeper that seemed to trouble her.

    Before Dana could find out what was so troubling to her mother, Lara and Howie peeked their heads around the corner. Everything ok in here?

    It was until you stuck your head in you little twerp. Dana left the eyes of her mother and looked toward her brother and smiled. She saw Lara bringing a tray over to them with coffee on it.

    As she sat the tray down, she smiled back at Dana I thought you might need something.

    Thanks. I think mom and I just may need something. And thank you for giving us some privacy. You are wonderful.

    Well, I gave you all privacy too, dont I get thanked?

    I guess if I have to thank you I will. Dana was trying to lighten the mood.

    I need to say something. Sharon had regained her composure and began to speak.

    We will leave you two alone then, come on Howie, Ill teach you how to cook French Toast so you can surprise your parents one day.

    No, I want you to stay. I can say, no I need to say this to both of you. And Howard, I know you will just listen at the door, so you might as well stay too.

    Im glad to see that you think so much of me mom, Howie tried to act hurt but couldnt help the smile, but youre right.

    Sharon stood up and Howie sat in the chair. Lara slid down next to Dana, clinching her hand, wondering what Sharon could want to say to both of them. As she turned to look into Danas eyes, Sharon began.

    When I was growing up, you never heard of this sort of thing. It was looked upon like, I dont know, like a disease of some sorts. Sharon began pacing back and forth, talking with her hands. People were considered crazy to have feelings for like this for the same *****. It was worse than becoming pregnant out of wedlock. It was thought of as a learned behavior, not a genetic one as it is today. That is how my mother was raised and that is how I was raised. And that is what I passed on to you. We considered homosexuals to be freaks of nature. Now to consider my daughter to be aI just cant fathom it.

    Mom, its okay

    No Dana it isnt okay, none of this is okay. Sharon stopped and faced the two lovers. You are a part of me and you are a part of your father, I dont understand how or what we did for you to turn out to be a lesa homosexual. I cant even say that word. I know that all of this stems from my religious beliefs, which have influenced my political beliefs, but I cant change the way I feel, the way I was brought up. Dana began to feel the void in her heart grow. I dont know if I can ever accept this, you and Lara. If I did begin to accept the situation, I still couldnt go against your fathers wishes.

    Mom, please try to understand, I cant go against who I am anymore either. I want you in my life. I need you in my life. Dana was trying to keep her composure, but it was a battle that raged on. But this, a deep breath and squeeze to Laras hand, this is my life now. Today, people have been more accepting of the different lifestyles and today is a different time from when you and daddy grew up. I love and respect you more than you know. You were my role model growing up. Tears began to fall, the first battle had been lost. But I am IN love with this woman, this person beside me. I have never felt such a love before. She makes me happy, she makes me want to go forward with my life. I want to go forward with you in my life and I hope you want me to be in your life as well mom. If you do decide to shut me out, that is your decision and I will respect that.

    Dana, that is what is wrong, I dont want to shut you out of my life, but I dont know if I will ever be able to accept your life either. Sharon turned her sights to Lara. I know that you love Dana. You proved that yesterday. But what happens if you have a fight or someone else comes into the picture? Would you leave and never look back or would you Dana?

    Lara spoke first. No maam, I wouldnt just leave. Dana and I do love each other and for me, she is it. She is the other half that makes me whole. The scars on my heart and soul were healed by your daughter. She is a wonderful person and I wouldnt give up on us without a fight. Lara had laid it all out for everyone to see. Dana did complete her and she didnt care who knew it.

    Mom, we are fighting to stay together right now. I told you earlier, my insecurities almost cost me Lara. Now I am going to regret some of my actions for as long as I live, but I know that we are going to fight together to keep this love alive and thriving. Dana turned to Lara, Baby Im sorry for everything. You ARE the best thing that has ever happened to me. Dana put her head on Laras shoulder, I love you.

    Sharon witnessed for the first time her daughter actually in love and it was with another woman. Why did this bother her so much? All she ever wanted for her daughter was to be happy. That is all she wished for both of her children. As she was thinking, Howie came up behind her and gave her a hug.

    Mom, please. I know you love her, just tell her. Howie thought pleading with his mother may help. You know you need her in your life, just like I need her. She is a part of this family no matter what.

    The tears poured from Sharons eyes and fell upon Howies arms that cris-crossed in front of her, holding her tightly. I dont know if I can.

    Dana stood and went over to her mother and brother. Mom, I understand. Her left hand reached up and caressed her mothers right arm. Just know that I will always love and need you. With that, Dana turned and began to turn and head back to her lovers awaiting embrace.

    Dana, Sharon calling her name stopped Dana in her tracks and turned her back around. But her mother didnt say anything else, she moved out of Howies hug and held her arms out in front of her awaiting Danas response. It didnt take long for the response as Dana almost ran into the open arms.

    Sharon whispered to Dana, You are my first born, you are my daughter and I will always love you, but I need time. With that, she broke the embrace and turned to go. Howard, its time to go home.

    Dana motioned her head as to tell Howie to go with their mother as she stood there baring her soul. He hated to see his sister like this, hurting and raw. He walked over to her and hugged her. I love you. He pulled back so he could look in her face and in a whisper he said, But dont tell anyone and ruin my rep. Now you two can scream each others names again. They both began to laugh and Dana swatted him on his shoulder.

    Come back if you need to, just next time call first, okay?

    Okay.

    Dana pulled him into another hug, I love you too.

    As Dana and Lara stood in the door and watched the Cadillac drive off, Dana had something she didnt have a week ago, a glimmer of hope.

    Comments

    1. I am speachless…everyday it passes by you became even better:)i really was thingking if the l word writters could compete with your excelent writting….???,,,hands up for you steph,,,,you are smart and very talanted…xxx

    2. love this story .all the emotions, all the love and support from lara and howie. very sweet .cant wait to see lara and dana missing each other when dana goes out of town for work.

    3. Hi another great update and i have to say i agree with Mira i prefer your virsion of the L word as well. I can’t wait to see the next update and hopefully Dana’s mom will get a clue and realize why she so upset about Dana being gay and remember her little horse riding friend from episod 9 – Listen up.

    4. EXCELLENT! I find myself looking forward to every update of yours, and even enjoy it more than the actual series.
      You should teach them how to write a story without so many gaps!
      Anyway I was actually crying when Sharon had held her arms wide open! You have real talent to touch me that deep, because I usually don’t feel this way about storys.
      thank you!

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