Tina buried herself in her work for the next three weeks. Not letting her body nor her mind dabble into what happened that night at Bette’s place. It was beyond her control. She didn’t know what to do about the situation. Even though she tried her hardest on her work, she always found something else to do first. She felt so flat, so unwanted and especially so unloved. Tina didn’t have many friends at college. And the people that she did hang around with, wouldn’t see the simpleness of Tina being in ‘like’ with a woman.
As days went by, her assignments pile got higher and higher. Some nights Tina just sat in her apartment and stared at the pile. She couldn’t find the effort or the importance of finishing her studies. Sure it would give her a career. But whats a life without love? Whats life without friendship and the knowledge that even though your day could get so bad, you always had someone somewhere to look after you. Tina sighed as she stared at her assignment pile, quietly sitting down at the desk and pulling the pile closer, so she could see what had to be done. Looking at the work and reading the black ink that formed letters on her page, still didn’t invigorate her to do anything. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Tina was starting to get scared. She had never felt like this in her life. Why now? Why at this moment, when her grades were so crucial?
Tina took a sip of her coffee and looked at her watch to see it was 5:00pm. Another sigh passed from her lips and into the room. She grabbed a chunk of the papers and skimmed through them finding the most important assignment that was due the earliest. The first one that came to Tina’s attention was womens rights and equal opportunity. Skimming through the information, she found the assignment incredibly easy to accomplish. With in half and hour the main part of the assignment was finished. Tina smiled at her achievement for the evening. She slowly got up from her comfortable chair and stretched her arms. Spotting the radio near the window, she picked it up and took it into the kitchen, placing it on the kitchen table and turning it on to finding the top forty being played.
She started to dance around the kitchen finding all the ingredients for this evenings meal. She was just about to chop the onion when Goo Goo dolls “Iris” came on the airwaves.
And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I could taste is this moment
And all I can breath is your life
And sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive
And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Tina began to cry, not from the onion, but from the heart. The first time she had really cried about her feelings for Bette. She wanted to see her so bad, but what would she say. ‘I’m sorry that I got so upset a couple of weeks back, but the things is Im scared shitless too.’ Tina questioned the response, seeing if it was plausible. ‘Sounds good to me.’ her mind chimed in. Tina had to sit down; all her emotions were weighing on her shoulders. All the questions soon formed in her head once again and the same panic washed over her body. Tina sat there and stared at nothing in particular. Thinking of all the right things to say to Bette when she saw her next. Thats when it hit her. “I’m not in ‘like’ with her, Im in love with her. Thats why it hurts so much. But what am I going to do about it? I never been with a woman, and Bette sounds like she’s had far more experience…I dont want to let her down…This is so stupid!’ Slamming her fist on the kitchen table Tina knew then that she wasn’t the persuade, she was the peruser, she made this happen with all her flirting and intimate moments she had with Bette. ‘*****’ Her mind exclaimed. “What do I want to do?” she questioned herself? Tapping her impatient fingers on the table as she thought thoroughly about what she did want…. And the outcome…well lets say she smiled.




**Meanwhile**
Bette just got home from a hard days work at Mickies. The weeks weather had been a scorcher, leaving Bette sweaty and tired. She threw her backpack onto the couch and started stripping off walking down the hall to the bathroom. Hopping into the shower seemed like heaven. The cool water falling onto her body. Its sweet bliss, calming the nerves and the tensions that her body were accustomed too. Washing her hair then her body was an amazing feeling. Bette had been so out of touch with her body lately, it scared her. Her soft chocolate brown skin was wrapped in a towel of bubbles from her shower gel. Her hair was a lump of curls sitting perky on the top of her head, fastened by the conditioner. A positive ‘aaauuggghhh’ passed her lips and echoed in her bathroom. The water was so refreshing for her body.. She felt so calm that she could almost fall asleep right there. The last time she felt this relaxed was when Tina had given her a massage. G! That woman was so good at it…Bette could still feel Tina’s soft, loving fingers on her back. And that small, sweet kiss that was planted on her lower back. Suddenly Bette’s emotion went from relaxed to sadness, She missed Tina so much and after what happened that night Bette didn’t have the guts to ring Tina up and explain herself and her actions.
Bette turned the cold tap of and stepped out of the shower onto her blue fur rug, she grabbed her big green towel and wrapped it round her still bubbly body. Bette then proceeded to grab another towel and wrap it around her head, pushing it up so that she could see where she was going. Bette walked out of the bathroom and straight into her bedroom. She put on some Chevy boxer shorts and one of her older dragster shirts on. She then proceeded to walk to the kitchen and prepare her dinner. Not having much energy, she settled on two-minute noddles. Grabbing the saucepan from under the sink and filling it with water Bette started to get her meal together seeing that she was all alone, she decided to sit down and write all her feelings down on paper. Everything she felt, she tried to put into to words, to describe what was happening to her. She needed the right song to get the right feelings on the paper. She got up from the table and put the radio on trying to find the song that expressed what she was trying to feel right now. She switched it over to a jazz station, hearing Venus by Metalwood, Bette started to relax and therefore her emotions became more pure on paper.

Dearest Christina,
I apologies for my actions three weeks ago. I never meant to scare you or push you into anything you didn’t want to do. I just wanted to express my feelings before I exploded right there in front of you. Please can I call you sometime? I really dont want to let go of this friendship; it means the world to me. Please let me just talk to you and explain…Please just let me…. Tina I…I don’t know what you want from me, sometimes you give me all these mixed signals and sometimes I dont know which way is up. Tina please, I’m sorry…Just let me be your friend.
Yours Sincerely
Elizabeth Porter.

Bette put the pencil down next to the pad. Carefully picking the pad up and tearing off the letter. Then folding into a little square. Bette slipped it between her boxes and undies. Smiling as she patted the paper, thinking of Tina always made her smile. She then went back to the stove, checking on her noodles and dancing to the jazz song that was being played. Bette was determined to get Tina back into her life somehow. It was just taking the first step that was the hardest.