And now let me be honest with you once again – you are my soul mate. I like to remind you in little ways, when I can, that I so enjoy the term ‘slave’ with affectionate meaning, and that I place it on you with great honor. I only do so because you enjoy it that heavenly way you do. Oh, all the things I’ve called you … a whore would blush.

Have you naturally come to me this way? Craving all of these masochistic things, or have I persuaded you so? It’s a question that riddles my thoughts more often than you may think, and I’m sorry to feel it, but I do. My desires are so incredibly potent that I often fear you are giving in to them instead of embracing your own. Mine are no more important than yours – contrary to my teasing, of course.

I have come naturally to you with this sadistic thrill in me, and at times I am sorry for that. But I have grown this way, into these needs and this incredible darkness. It is so much a part of me that it is there even when I’m at work. It hides patiently until the lights are out, and you kneel there at my feet. Until the corset is tight around my chest, reminding me of the gentle restriction you must feel with that collar around your neck.

How I love you. If I were more a writer, I would list the ways. I would write twisted, humorous instructional books on “How to Love Your Pet Girlfriend” and “Valentine’s Candy Caning!” just to see that little smirk on your lips that tells me how much you love the evil inside of me. That evil, terribly nasty, awfully inventive side of me that captures your sexuality – pinning it roughly with my own.

I love to hear you scream. The sound settles into my memory when I’m all alone, imagining that beautiful way you twist and squirm, to accompany my dreams. Is it wrong to enjoy all the things I can do to you? The answer is yes, it is. It’s wrong, but I love you so much that I fight every day to make it right. I don’t just hurt you – I hurt with you. I don’t simply give this pain to you – I give it over to you, watching you do with these acts what you will. And most of all, I don’t make you submissive – I dominate the submissive inside of you that struggles to find its way out of your subconscious. I tame the desires in you with my own, making it ours. And I love this all just as I love you. Endlessly.

As awful and nasty as I can be, I get off knowing that we have made this together. And I speak the truth, my beautiful pet, when I say that no one else has the slightest clue.

~~~~~

Mmm diary … It has been days since I’ve written anything, and since Mistress has written her page-long confession. Since then, she has dismissed the need for this diary (thought up for my embarrassment), but I must admit to finding it an intriguing thing – why I feel so strongly for this seemingly dark and twisted desire.

Days of us showing and proving our love to one another through a certain outlet only we seem to understand. So many people around us have yet to hear of such a thing, and when there are hints dropped about this lifestyle around any of my friends, they are quick to voice their naïve predictions and hesitations. Oh, no one would understand why I love to crawl to her just when my knees are weakest. Why I like for her to tell me what to do, even when it’s most humiliating. Especially so.

I wish to understand it better for myself, and so diary, I will try my best to keep up with my thoughts, and to write more in the hopes that it becomes a little clearer for myself, if nothing else. Let’s shed a little light on this matter – this excitement. Evil or heavenly? Maybe it’s both.

Till next time.