We’re arguing at the moment, and it’s anything but pleasant. I just want to show her how much I love her, and yet I’m still angry. We were supposed to spend the weekend together, and now she says she doesn’t think she can. Work seems to be her life right now. And I just feel like I give and I give, and I am getting little in return. It feels as though she doesn’t appreciate my devotion to her.

Is she as devoted as me? And how could I know that for sure?

She wants me to stay here to see if she can get some time off of work, but we planned to go on a little road trip. We even have the hotel rooms booked! I was so excited for it, and even though she promises we’ll go soon … I’m not so sure that’s the case. I’m starting to wonder, and I hate that she’s making me second-guess her and us and ughhh! I love her so much it hurts. Why do things have to be so complicated?? Not to mention the fact that I don’t know how to be mad at her when she has this hold on me. I am hers, and I enjoy that, but I am allowed to have feelings of my own. I just don’t know how to handle them right now.

Tina … I don’t know what to do. I need you.

I have been talking with my friend Shane about my predicament, and how much Tina and I have been arguing about this. Tina’s said that if I want to go so badly, then why don’t I just take Shane? But I know she would be fuming if I went without her. How does she have this hold on me?! I only want to do right by her. I only want to please her. Even with this. But does that mean sacrificing my own happiness?

I don’t know how this will all go, but I love her.

God help me, I love her.

I found the following note this morning, as I woke up:

Please don’t be upset with me.
I’m not upset with you. I’m just
under so much stress that I need more than I can give.
I don’t feel like myself lately.I’m sorry.
I love you.